What's Love?

You will know that there must be something there when you look at your partner, when he/she smiles, and you smile too.

And definitely there must be something there that made you give up something you need or like so that your partner can benefit from it.

There is also something at work too when you purposely not doing it as you might end up hurting your partner.

Some of us will comment that it's a chemical, a biological process; that it's a unique from the pleasure you get from sinking your teeth into a scoop of moist chocolate lava fondue.

Even if it is a chemical process or not, love for many of us is still mysterious, though eons of practice have taught us some of the profound truths of deeply caring for someone....or in some cases, an exceptionally well-made dessert.

Love is not about needing someone to be there, but to be there for that person.

Love is not about how much time you've spent together, but how well you two seem to "fit"

Love is not just about being together. It's also about letting it go.

As we learn more and more about love, we came to realise that it's not just a flutter of emotions, Byronesue sonnets, passionate kisses or warm embraces. In fact, there's so much pain, heartache and sacrifice.

You cannot compel love. You cannot hurt love and expect it to fly into your embraces. Nor can you trap it in a jar like a butterfly that will no doubt soon die. You can only be loving, and hope that someone can see that love and appreciate it.

Love is infinite. It does not lessen even you're giving it away freely. In fact, the more you share, the more you create and receive.

"Love" is not a word you say to someone if it's not love you feel. And if it truly is love, then it need not be spoken at all!

To love someone is to want the best for some, even if that "best" thing isn't you.

Love can hurt and love can heal. Ther results are entirely up to you.

So make your relationships richer and more rewarding with this deeper defination of love. Even if you're alone at the moment, you've always got that chocolate lava fondue!!

I'll also like to say i'm sorry to someone that I loved so much before and lost her. I wished her that she will always remain happy and healthy. Though we are not meant together, I will be happy when she's happy

Kickstart Your Energy Level

You always see that individual - the one who's always in a sunshine mood; he smiles and laughs all the time, he's incredibly efficient at work, has many friends, and seems to have plenty of energy. You love to hate him.

You, on the other, don't rest well, feel lethargic most of the time, don't smile or laugh very much at all; you've work building up, and when you think of picking up that paper or magazinem you find yourself reaching for the remote instead.

I know. I've been there. We all experience from bouts of low energy and motivation from time to time. For most of us, it's due to that we've let the humdrum of work to halt us into a state of inertia. Or it's due to that we've indulged our laziness so often, we've lost our self discipline. Maybe a series of setbacks has dealt a heavy blow to our route for happiness and success.

Whatever the reason, if you're feeling tired and lacking that spring in your step, here are a few ways to kickstart your energy level.

If your mind is being tied down by a seemingless endless array of anxieties, do some writing. Writing everything that comes to your mind, things to do, things to think about, things that bother you. This gives you clarity. You'll perhaps be able to come out with solutions more easily or even find that your problems are not that un-manageable after all.

And, stop talking to yourself the way an angry parent might berate a child. Negetive self talk is the easiest way to undermine your opportunities for self improvement. Instead, ask yourself why things aren't happening the way you want them to, and what you can do to change things.

For most of us, the key reason why we're feeling restless is due to we're not getting ample rest or not getting sufficient sleep. To improve the quality of your sleep, reduce on caffeine intake, especially in the evenings. And go to bed when you feel sleepy, not because you have to meet the mandatory 7 to 8 hours before you need to wake up for work. Even a few hours of good nap is better than 10 hours of tossing and turning on bed. Your body will naturally adjust anyway, and in no time, you'll be chalking up the hours your body needs to feel rested.

Also, you know what's the best way to instant recharge a weary body? Irrational as it may seems, it's not more rest, but more action!! Go for a jog or a brisk walk. The boost of endorphins and oxygen will do wonders for your energy level. When avid joggers claim that a run before work makes them feel great for the rest of the day, they're not joking. The first step is always challenging, but when you've started it, you'll be one of the converted yourself and will be amazed of the results.

Identifying Ways to Unblock Your Flow

Our enthusiasm for life is like the circulation of blood in our body. After a while, the unhealthy foods we consume block the arteries and prevent the efficient flow of blood. Pretty much similar to the flow of life get clogged up every once in a while due to unresolved worries, grudges, unfulfilling relationships, monotony, disappointments and so on....

Our lives can become full of debris and goo that interrupt the flow of a purposeful, passionate and fulfilling life. If you've been feeling a little deflated lately, a little out of sorts and wondering where your zest went to, your flow could be clogged up.

Here are the main sources of junk that can hinder your flow. See if you can identify them in your life and removing them to clear your flow.

Limiting Belief -Have you ever stopped and listened to what's going on inside your head? Are you living your life according what you've been told you "should"? Are you listening to your inner voice or the chants of others?

Draining Relationships - Are you happy in your relationship? Are you loved for who you are and do you love without condition? Everyone deserves emotional fulfillment. Developing balanced partnerships adds quality of life.

Career Dissatisfaction - Do you get up every day excited to face another promising day at work? Or are you dragging yourself through each day at the office? Work takes up a significant chunk of our lives, so if you're dreading it, it's time to examine why and how you could improve things.

Scarcity thinking - Do you feel like you are just surviving; that at the end of each day, you barely have the time, money, emotions, or energy to do anything else? Get rid of this cycle! The Universe is abundnant and can provide for you. Shift your perspective and attract what you want in your life.

The things you are putting up with - What are you tolerating that continues draining your energy? Tolerating is different from being flexible. Take a good look at the areas in your life where you feel perturbated. Consider the possibility that what you 'put up with' may be draining the energy that you could be using to live a happier live!

Start clearing the goo and gunk from your drain, and you'll experience more energy, more passion, and a life that flows smoothly and with clear intention.

The Power to Walk Away

How do you manage potentially explosive situations? Where tempers are beginning to flare, tensions are steadily rising and hot buttons are being pushed?

What happens with many people is that they remain in the scenerio, either hoping to talk things over calmly, or to make their intention emphatically clear. But this can only resolve if the other individual is willing to listen. But sometimes, the other person can be willfully challenging. They can be persons who get off on pushing your hot buttons.

What happens then? A likely scenerio is that like a bee to a flower, you continue to engage in the conversation, the other party continues to gall you, and *snap!*, the last straw breaks you. At this junction, when self control is lost, you may raise threats, utter scathing remarks, or direct potshots that you immediately regret.

In a social setting, you may end up looking rash, petty and uncouth. In a business or corporate setting, you may appear to be antagonistic and quick tempered. In a personal context, you may end up really hurting a loved one. In the long term, angry outbursts will strained or soured any relationship.

If you find yourself quite unintentionally getting yourself into potentially explosive situations, how can you avoid actually from exploding?

Of course, you walk away...

A seemingly simple to do, but something that can be extremely challenging to put it in practice, especially when you felt that you've been seriously misunderstood. You'd want to have it out and explain your position until the other party understands, right?

That's what keeps you there. That's what makes you reiterate your arguments again and again until they begin to sound meaningless. In this situation, you're at a losing end; it's simply more sensible and rationale to walk away.

Do you have the power to walk away from possibly-explosive scenarios? Are you able to postpone defending yourself to another appropriate time? Can you maintain your cool and refrain from saying or doing something you'll regret later?

Becasue when you matter about winning in such situations, you lose. You're the one who feels the pressure, you're the one who seems antagonistic and defensive. It will be difficult at the start, but practice walking away and you'll understand just how powerful it can be in defusing explosive situations and even persuade other to see things your way.

Fixing Your Bond With Your Partner

All couples do have differences in certain extent and in different manners, but the differences between those that last and those that break apart is the ability to fixing the subsequent damage.

Couples are bonded by love but sundered by their weak skills at relationship maintenance. Love is a dynamic, fulfilling and spontaneous emotion and we don't need to learn how to love someone (not in the starting stage); it just comes out within you. But not many of us actually know how to manage and handle the ill feelings, emotional dis-engagement, resentment and cold wars coming from conflicts. Given ample time to accumulate and simmer, these insidious emotions could wreck any blissful couple.

Thta's why learning and applying the skills to fixing the damage done by quarrels are so important in a marriage. In life, we cannot avoid hurt but we can learn how to heal and move on from it.

Most of us go into relationships "blind", "dumb" and "deaf", which is, not fully understanding what's needed to build a fulfulling lasting bond. We're sometimes bounded by out follies; as we all have our bad days, stress from external sources or judging a scenerio poorly. Rather than ignoring the issue, or your partner or allowing the anger to seethe, trying repairing it.

If you feel that you have more clarity for the offender, don't hold onto it stubbornly. And if your partner is the more evidently at fault; don't sit on the high horse, be prepared to accept any apology or atonement. You know that it might not be easy to admit you are wrong, and if your partner does it sincerely, that demonstrates that he/she truly cares about you and wants to mend bridges.

Here are some steps you can start with to fix the damage resulting from a bad clash.

First; Apologise. A simple and heartfelt apology can sometimes do wonders and miracles for a relationship. Beware of overdoing it though; too many too often often feels insincere and can backfire on you.

Then, attempt to confiding your feelings. Very often, conflict and misunderstandings occurs because of deep insecurities, latent fears and assumed judgement. Your partner is more likely to emphathise with you if he/she knew these feelings. Obviously, they can't tell unless you share with them. For example, you may just be worried about him/her when you lost your cool. Express these concerns so as to build better understanding and bonding.

Managing Adversity

If you are in a challenging or uncomfortable scenerio, you have only 3 choices:

1. Wait for the event (scenerio) to change
2. Change the event
3. Change your response to the event

Let's start with the Option 1. You need to know if the scenerio is likely to change on itself. If not, this is clearly not an option for you. Some scenerios, no matter, how short term it may be, the answer may just be to wait them out. While you are waiting for the scenerio to change though, you might want to think about if you can go for option 2 - change the event.

The con with this solution is that even if you leave your current event and procee to the next one, you will still carry it with you. This is the time to wonder if you are perhaps part of the problem? Are you habitually trapping yourself in certain challenging scenerios? If relationships aren't working out for you, how much responsibility should you bear? Of course, most events are simply out of our control; there's nothing we can do to alter it.

Which by then, brings us to option 3, the most effective and self empowering option -Change the respone to the event. The advantage of this option is unlike the first two, this one is always open to you. You are the focal point. Strangely enough, when you focus on yourself, you have more influence on things outside you. On other words, when you choose to look at things in a different angle, the things you are looking at, change (or at least appear different) with your mindset.

We live in a culture which tends to lay blame on external factor for our woes - It's God, it's government, it's our superior, our co-worker, our parents, our siblings and perhaps even the climate. Anything it seems, except ourselves.

In order to stop blaming and start improving your life, you must change the meaning of the event, i.e change the response. Instead of seeing it as something that was 'done to you', you can choose to view it as a neutral event, nothing personal, or even a positive experience that you can learn something from. Change your language to reinforce this change of meaning. Instead of asking, " Why did this have to happen to me?" Ask yourself, "What lesson can I take away from this?"

By changing the context you give to the event and changing the words you use, you'll discover that you have the power to respond in any number of ways, and whatever way you choose you want it to conclude, not just the knee jerk reactions resulting from your past. You'll be able to choose new responses to old problems by breaking habitual patterns that have been limiting your growth and progress.

How to attract success

Each and everyone wants success.

Some of us spend their every waking moment chasing after it, to the detriment of everything else. On the other end of the spectrum are individuals who feel that success is hard to reach. They conclude that it is destined for a selected few only, while the rest of us in between are contented with whatever we have. We may desire greater success, but we believe somehow we are not 'fated' or 'destined' to achieve it.

However, these assumptions couldn't be further from the truth. When one strive for success with the wrong assumptions, one will never reach it. It's similar to one trying to reach a destination with the wrong map.

Success can't be hurried, be caught or found it by chance. It can't be inherited, gate-crashed, or taken it from someone else. Success is something you must work hard and long to earn, for yourself. It has a price, sometimes a very high one. And most people aren't really and truly ready to pay that price, to do what success demands and requires.

To achieve success, first you must know that success is a process empowered with a right attitude and positive mindset. It requires time and patience. There are no short cuts while anything else is just a temporary illusion. Success that will remain with you and bring you joy rather than sorrow, requires a learning process, a time to grow out of grow habits and into new ones, a time to learn what works and unlearn what doesn't. So don't rush or be in a hurry.

In order to attain success, traits and skills must be acquired to attract it. What is your defination of success? What kind of traits or skill sets will you need to achieve your goal? Come out with plans to acquire the needed traits and skill sets. Learn to do what you need to do, to get where you want to go. Develop your own success principles. Find two or three people who have what you want. Jot down the habits and their success principles that have made them successful and resolve to digest it into your own context.

Once you've made up your mind to achieve success, you must be ready to travel the road to success oftentimes alone. Author Les Brown once said, "At some point in time, the pursuit of your goals becomes secondary and what you have become in the process is what is most important" When infants reach for the toy that their parents have placed some distance away, it's not the toy that's the prize; it's simply the motivation for the child to learn something more important, something more lasting, and that is to learn to crawl and of course, to finally walk and run!!. It's to strengthen their muscles so that they can reach for other goals in life.

Anyone can succeed, but not every one will. Success will differs for each individual. It's your definition, decision and attitude that determines what success is to you!!

Attitude of Success

When we're new to the game, conventional wisdom may instruct us to start small and act modest, charge less and compromise ourselves to meet the client's demands.

And many continue like this for years. We think that we will get more gigs because we're "nice", we're "flexible" or we're "inexpensive". But are these simply euphemisms for being "timid", "easily bullied" and "cheap"?

Many of us are not making the leap from novice to professional or from mediocre to iconic simply because we keep selling ourselves short. All indicators may suggest a high level of competence, knowledge and experience on your part, but because you don't take yourself seriously, you think that others don't take you seriously either.

As a result, you take on client you can get, agree to work when you'd really rather not, reduce your fees and your terms just to please your client, and offer freebies and so on when the clients doesn't seem immediately interested.

You may think that this will make you "easier", "less expensive" and therefore more popular option, but the message that you're really sending out is that you're desperate. By continually offering discounts, you're also suggesting to people that your quality is not good enough.

If your client is not paying you your full fee todays, it's unlikely that he'll pay you your full fee in future. Nor is he likely to recommend you to others. The message of mediocrity that you send out via your attitude and rates will doom you to a lifetime of insignificant returns.

So chuck out the "mediocre" mentality today and start behaving successful. Whether you're really "successful" or not, start behaving that way! It's the attitude, the way you carry yourself, and how much you yourself value yourself that will catch on with your clients and others.

Just think about it, if you really were successful and in high demand, then you would be charging more for your precious time, wouldn't you? Your clients would gladly fir themselves around your schedule because they want the best. The best is in high demand and is therefore not easily available.

All the big brands have always known this philosophy of "behaving successful". They are able to charge a premium simply because they walk and talk like they're worth it. Of course, real substance counts too, but in this world where competition is fiercer every passing day and the field is being increasingly levelled, how you sell yourself is what sets you apart from the rest.

Visualising Creatively

Creative Visualisation is a tried and true technique that helps you create the things you want in life. Creative Visualisation is the art of sending an image to your subconscious mind. Your subconscious mind then creates your reality based on the messages that you send to it.

The key to understanding how creative visualisation works is to first understand that your subconscious mind does not know what is real and what is fiction. It simply creates your reality based on the image that you visualise.

So if you visualise yourself struggling, poor, unhappy, alone or depressed, then this is the reality that your subconscious mind creates. There have been many books written on creative visualisation all of which tell you that if you visualise you will create the things you want. Some people view this with suspicion. Some give it a try, but are disappointed that it doesn't yield results immediately.

Well, like most other life-affirming practices, like adopting an attitude of gratitude or journaling, visualisation requires commitment, time, and faith to produce any discernible benefits. In order to get the most out of visualisation, all your other messages to your subconscious mind have to be in agreement with what you visualise. In other words, there is no room for skepticism. Once you've decided to visualise creatively to improve your life, be sure to give it your full dedication.

Think of it this way. You're in a boat and there are a number of people rowing this boat for you. You tell one of them to row in a certain way so that you go in a certain direction. But if all the other people rowing for you are going in the opposite direction - that one person rowing will have little or no impact. The boat will never go the way you want.

When you work with Creative Visualisation, tap into all your powers to send a tidal wave of positive energy to your subconscious mind. Begin to see yourself living the life you want - happy, healthy, positive, loving, energized, productive, and successful.

Happy visualizing!

Choices And Decisions

We're always making choices. How we will use our time, how we're going to get to our destination, what we're going to have for lunch, what colours should be used for our logo, what proposal should be dumped and which one should be taken up. Every step that we take presents us with an option of "Yes" or "No".

All these decisions, or in the case of some of us, in-decision, affects our happiness. How consciously do we make our choices? What happens when we can't make a definite "Yes" or "No" is that we become stuck in the wilderness of "Maybe" land. When we spend too much time in this place, we allow others to decide how our lives should be led. Here we have no hope for fulfillment because when things go well, we can't take the credit. And when things go awry, we blame ourselves for trusting the judgement of another.

Imagine that your partner or friend prefers to watch a particular movie and you'd really like to see another but you don't say anything. You give your partner or friend a weak "maybe", "it doesn't matter" or a reluctant "oh ok?" Later, you feel resentful and angry because this always seems to happen and you "never get to see the movie that you want to see."

Sometimes we justify this by believing that we don't assert ourselves because we are easy-going or generous. If this is the case, then why do we subsequently feel lousy and on the losing end?

Now, asserting yourself doesn't mean being demanding or unreasonable. By all means, empower yourself by expressing your feelings clearly, but be ready to negotiate or occasionally give in or come to a compromise. The important thing is simply to make your feelings known. Hiding behind a mask of indifference creates a lot of inner tension which may explode in the future.

It's very important to empower yourself to make conscious choices to create the relationships and life that you want. A lot of people feel anger and resentment toward others but what they're actually feeling is resentment towards themselves for not having the courage to go for what they really want.

Whenever you're faced with a decision, take the time to go within yourself and ask yourself what you really want. Is it true that it doesn't matter? Is it something you can take lightly? Or something you feel strongly about? When you evaluate your options consciously and express your feelings clearly, you'll feel more empowered, and as a result, move confidently toward creating the kind of relationships and life that you want.

Saint Valentine's Wish

Today, millions of people around the world celebrate one of the most profound blessings that life has to offer - mutual love. And as you honour that love today, here are some things I wish all couples remember always?

"I love you" is easily spoken, but waking up an hour earlier to prepare breakfast for you is something else!

When you're in love, you never question the meaning of life.

The greatest gift is one's time.

If you truly love someone, you can never grow old.

Don't just focus on the action? try to understand the spirit behind the action.

To keep the loving cup full, give a sincere compliment each day.

When you're giving everything, you've got nothing to lose.

Though much ugliness, violence, darkness and hatred is possible in this world, someone is holding your hand.

Money can always be earned, but a beautiful moment, once past, will never return.

The most wonderful thing you can do with someone you love? is absolutely nothing!

The next time you're moved to anger, think about how you'd feel if this person were no longer in your life.

Don't save anything for a special day or occasion. If you have something good to do, say or give, do it now.

It's easy to love someone for his/her strengths, but it takes true courage to love someone for his/her weaknesses.

Each time you part, there's a possibility you might never see each other again, so part in love.

And finally, remember? that despite not being linked by blood, you have found someone who will love, live, laugh, and cry with you... and that itself is a miraculous thing.

Focus In Your Breathworks

One of the disadvantages of living in such a stimulation-rich world is our loss of focus. In an environment where we are consistently being bombarded with messages, worries, judgements, deadlines and so on, it's very easy for us to lose touch of what's truly important to us. Have we been influenced, or "brain-washed" to live lives that we don't really find fulfilling, simply because we've been told to, people expect us to, or which we've been conditioned to believe is good or right?

Are you continuing in an unrewarding, dead-end job because you think you need the money? Are you in a relationship because you can't bear being alone? Do you try to accommodate everybody's desires because you think that makes you more likeable? Do you speak, behave, dress or even think in a certain way because it presents the least amount of resistance? Do you even ask yourself what you truly want anymore?

Stuart Wilde, noted author of "The Winds of Change", tells us of what he terms 'the tribe'. We all belong to a tribe, so to speak - a group of peers that we can relate to in some way or other. We may be single, a father, Hindu, Eurasian, a sales executive, a daughter, a member of a certain church, a teacher, a politician, and so on. And each group we belong to dictates, to a certain extent, what we will think, what we will wear, where we are to live, how we make a living. It will try to keep us in a tidy little box.

Being part of the human tribe keeps us all working very hard just to make a living, while media messages keep our minds directed at purchasing. As a result, what happens to the bulk of our hard-earned savings? Yes, you guessed it. It goes into stuff we don't really need. Stuff that doesn't fulfill us on a deeper level.

One good and simple way for us to connect and grow with our inner self is through the breath. The breath is vital to your life. Breath is used to relax the body and mind, to take us to a high state of peace, to change our energy, our outlook, and thus our experiences.

Let's say that your spouse comes home after a bad day at work. You only got home not long before yourself. Your loved one does not seem so loving, and responds curtly to you. What do you do? Your day wasn't any easier. Do you jump into the tension of the situation? Or do you take a moment to breathe, re-focus your energy and create a better environment?

There is always a chance to change - to make a different choice. By consciously taking a breath and focusing on it, your mind gets a moment to refresh. By using your breath as a focusing tool, rediscover what it truly means to be you, to live and to love.

A Touch Of Humour In Challenging Times

What is this thing called humour? We understand laughter well enough. And we know when we find something funny. But what makes something amusing? What do we mean when we say someone has a good sense of humour? And how can we use humour during tough times as instant pick-me-ups?

Author Leo Buscaglia said that "when you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot, hang on, and swing!"

Humour can be a powerful motivating tool. We may not be able to laugh our way through adversity, but a sense of humour can lessen anxiety, alleviate tensions, and help us adapt when stressful changes occur. Besides, laughter contributes to good health, which you probably know by now.

You could think of humour as a way of existing in, interacting with, and perceiving the world. It's a pair of orange-tinted, star-shaped spectacles that you can put on in times of frustration. It immediately lightens the mood and gives you a fresh view.

Having a sense of humour doesn't mean you have to be funny. Whether something is funny or not is subjective anyway. A sense of humour goes beyond laughter. It is more profound than comedy. And it's more rewarding than merely being entertaining.

A person with a sense of humour is able to see the fun in common experiences, and the light in dark days. Having a sense of humour is being able to take the Mickey out of stressful people, demanding situations, and the ugly side of life. It is the ability to nimbly sidestep potential flashpoints. It's about disarming, then surprising. It's a weapon of the underdog.

Job stress is something many of us face. Just remember that when it comes to work, you are not your job. No doubt you should take your work seriously, but your job is what you do. It's not who you are. Never let your job become your life.

A good and simple way to develop a sense of humour is to collect and remember things you find funny. Jokes that come to you via email, a humourous quote you come across in a magazine, a mis-spelt word on a sign, a comic strip, a photo that cracks you up. Look for the ironic and satirical in people and in events. Turn the person who annoys you at work into a comedian. Then, it's comic relief each time he or she tries to frustrate you!

I say collect "things", but you know, people can be funny. Make friends who tend to make you laugh! Try to laugh as much as you can everyday. Make others laugh too. Humour is never having to apologise even when you're being corny. Make your environment filled with fun and laughter.

I like how actress and comedian Lily Tomlin put it when she said, "Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest. Then we can all die laughing!"

Feel Good Factor

Some of us were born with obvious talent in some area. For the rest of us though, it can be unclear exactly what we're good at. We may go through the early part of our lives feeling mediocre or even below average, because other kids seem to have innate gifts that we don't seem to possess.

Well, we're all good at something. We're not all geniuses, of course, but we're all born with, or have the ability to develop, the aptitude to do exceptionally well in some sphere. Some of us just haven't discovered it yet. Or perhaps we simply don't recognise it as a talent.

Some of us find it difficult to feel good about ourselves also because we talk negatively to ourselves. Some of us take criticism badly. Some of us are so insecure that we rarely venture beyond what we're used to. As a result, we become trapped, not daring to try anything new, yet wishing for things to become better.

Once you've convinced yourself that you're good for nothing, it can be difficult to restore a healthy sense of self-worth. But here are a few simple things you can do to help you feel better about yourself.

Remember when you were a child playing at the beach? And you built your first sandcastle? It might have looked more like the ruins of a sandcastle, but it made you feel good. There was a sense of "Hey, look what I did!".

Think of ways you can feel this way again. Look around you, at home, at work; try to discover new and more effective ways of doing things. Maybe you could re-organise your space. Put up some curtains. When someone asks for your advice on something, don't see it as an inconvenience. Share your knowledge! Assemble a shelf. Try a new recipe. Maybe even create one! Paint a picture.

You don't have to announce your accomplishment to the world. Whether people know about your achievements or not is not important. The quest for external validation is what made you feel inferior in the first place.

As you try out new things, you'll discover what you're good at, or what you have genuine talent in. It doesn't have to be a grand or revered skill. Just something that gives you a sense of achievement. Cultivate that ability, and feel the joy and passion of living returning to you.

Strength in Gentleness and Kindness

A line from a song by legendary English band The Smiths goes "It takes strength to be gentle and kind".

Now, gentleness and kindness are qualities which are hardly socially thought of as being characteristic of strength.

Yet, when you think about it? it certainly takes a lot to be gentle, and even more to be kind. There is much selfishness, anger, and resentment in the world, and one's reaction to harshness is likely to be equally severe or damaging.

To respond to hostility with gentleness requires considerable faith in humanity and courage of the spirit. As for kindness, well, most people are too busy thinking of themselves to bother.

Antagonism and hostility encourage the creation of more negative feelings, both in the perpetrator and the receiver. Gentleness and kindness on the other hand, inspire joy, love, compassion and peace.

Moreover, giving without expectation gives us great happiness and satisfaction. Nothing makes our day more than a genuine compliment, a sincere pat on the back, an earnest hug, or a favour from a colleague. Do you get those often? More importantly, do you give those regularly?

It's a vain enterprise to expect a reward for a good deed. Take pleasure in performing the good deed itself. And you will be a happier person.

When someone is kind or generous towards you, the joy can only be temporary, because the effects never last very long. But when you are kind or generous towards someone else, you'll find that the joy only increases and accumulates. Because your act will serve to add to the world being a better place? no matter how small or insignificant you think it is.

Gentleness has been ingrained in many cultures as being a sign of the powerless and impotent. And kindness is sometimes thought of as a hint of weakness your opponent can take advantage of.

These are misconceptions, for anyone can take up the sword to strike in hatred and fury, but only the truly mighty are able to lay it down in forgiveness and love.

So the next time you're moved to malice or anger, try being gentle and kind instead. Experience for yourself the spiritual strength and joy that comes from them.

Don't Let Resentment Sink In

Regular interaction with other people almost every day means that there are plenty of opportunities for someone to intentionally or inadvertently get into a scrape with you, get on your nerves or step on your tail.

Now each of us handles perceived offences differently, and some people feel more resentment than others when they think they've been badly treated.

Resentment, when left unchecked, nibbles away at our spirit and mental well-being. It diminishes our ability to love and trust others. And it's very easy to feel resentful. People can arouse that emotion in us any time they fail to care, fail to think, or even when they fail to meet our expectations of what we deem to be good, fair, moral, or decent.

Let's say a colleague presents your idea as his own at a meeting. You work harder but the other person gets the promotion. A colleague says something mean about you in front of others. Or we feel we've been humiliated in a mass email. Most of us have gotten into protracted email squabbles which in the end turned out to be rather silly and meaningless.

We feel resentful because we imagine that our reputation has been violated, and that others' opinion of us has been ruined. The truth is, people don't care. People forget. People are too busy worrying about themselves to think about you. The world goes on heedless, and in a minute, an hour, or a day, it's not going to matter. On the day we die, these little trespasses are going to mean nothing at all. Why let them mean something today?

Rejecting resentment though, doesn't mean being passive, submissive or timid. If you genuinely feel you have been wronged and there is something constructive you can do to rectify it, then by all means, go ahead. Most of the time though, the things that make us resentful are truly insignificant. They don't deserve our time, our energy or our thoughts.

Why give someone the power to rob us of our peace of mind?

As Irish-American actor and writer Malachy McCourt once said, "Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die."

Choose Life Not Suicide

This world can sometimes be hard to live in, and occasionally, the pain becomes so acute and sources of relief so rare, that one may contemplate ending it all.

If you're having such a thought, don't feel that you're weak or foolish. There is nothing wrong or unusual about the way you feel. Things must be going pretty badly if you're contemplating suicide. But if death has become an option for you, then things can't get any worse. From here, you can rise if you want to.

No one has ever solved anything by choosing death. In fact, it's the ones who are faced with the very real prospect of death who discover how valuable and rich life can be.

In Stephen Daldry's film "The Hours", actress Julianne Moore plays Laura Brown, a character whose fa?e of a loving, dutiful housewife belies an emotional and romantic emptiness that threatens to engulf her. Unable to live the life she truly wants to live, she is finally driven to the thought of suicide, but decides against it at the eleventh hour.

Strangely enough, the option of death gave her the strength to continue living. When she realised that she could always take her life if it got unbearable, suddenly, her life didn't seem so hard. The world of infinite opportunities opened up to her. Fear of life and social expectations no longer gripped her, and she subsequently went on to live the life she always wanted.

In Paulo Coelho's book "Veronika Decides to Die", the protaganist is brought back from the brink of death after she takes a near-fatal dose of sleeping pills. However, the doctor tells her that as a consequence of her action, her heart has been so weakened that it could collapse in a matter of weeks. Faced with the possibility of death like the character of Laura in "The Hours", Veronika experiences a similar epiphany - that death is always possible, for everyone, young or old, happy or depressed. Death can come to you unexpectedly or you can invite it; either way, it makes life all the more precious and the world all the more beautiful and promising.

Suicide is a hasty catapult into the unknown. What you couldn't find here, you can be sure you won't find in death. Life however gives you the opportunity to live it in any way you like. The pain may be unbearable now, but it will not last. Death comes to us all; the time and place though, is not for us to determine. Till then, choose Life - seize the opportunities that only Life can bring.

Just Go With The Flow

Life is like a raging river. There is constant flow. In fact, agitation and movement are essential for life to endure. Stagnant waters breed disease and decay.

So when life decides to throw a rock at us, like when we lose a job or partner, don't lose heart. Don't negatively judge events or circumstances that initially seem "bad" or "unfortunate". Things don't happen by accident, and mistakes or misfortunes are simply precursors for positive change.

We can't control things like losing a job or losing a partner. Loss is essential for growth and survival. When we experience loss or some other stressful change in our lives, we can give in to negative feelings like anger, disappointment, self-pity, self-loathing, trepidation and fear. We can allow these emotions to strain our mind, effectively crippling its ability to discover viable solutions. We can imagine the worst, and let something that may not come to pass affect our present state of mind.

Or we can go with the flow of change. Some things in our lives have to go in order to make way for better things. The Universe has a way of nudging us along when we get too lazy, complacent or comfortable. Occasionally, it gives us a big shove. The Universe knows when stagnation is making us fat and feeble. It knows when something in our lives has to shift in order for us to continue growing. It then arranges for people and events to push us towards what we were meant to be.

Most people however, choose to resist or ignore the signs. They are so firmly embedded in the riverbed that they refuse to let the currents lift them away. The years go by, and along with them, a flood of lost opportunities? and the stubborn rocks are finally left buried under algae and dirt.

If you've recently lost your job, lost a partner or something you felt was valuable to you, think? Were you really happy with your job?

Did you put your dreams on hold because you were trapped in a wake up, go to work, go home, go to bed routine? Had you stopped growing in that job? Did nothing excite you anymore about your work? What about your ex-partner? Were you really good for each other? Or were you hanging on because you were afraid of being alone?

You didn't have the time nor the nerve to go out and do what you really wanted to do. Well, now you do!

Go with the flow of change!

Childhood Revisited

The person that you are at present - your fears, attitudes, values, and limitations - has its roots in your childhood.

As children, we collect bits and pieces of information about who we are, how the world works, and how we deal with it. As grown-ups, some of the data we collected in our childhood can prevent us from living a full and fulfilling life.

Maybe some of the people we cared about let us down, so we learnt to be suspicious of others. Perhaps our parents were too controlling, so we grew up to be indecisive and timid. Maybe we were kept in strict routines, so we became afraid of change and uncertainty. Or perhaps we were often indulged and pampered, so we grew up to expect everyone, including our partners, to give in to our demands.

I'm not putting the blame on parents. After all, they were children once too, and there isn't a child in the world that won't get wounded in some way. We may never know exactly what those wounds are, but we can be sure that our parents acted towards us according to the degree those wounds were healed or left to fester. Our parents are human too, and therefore imperfect like everyone else. Once we accept this, we can begin to forgive our parents for not meeting our expectations.

If you want to get to the source of your issues as an adult, you have to go back to the past and examine the kind of childhood you had. The path ahead will always be strewn with shattered glass until you go back and pick up the broken pieces.

Most of us have been taught to ignore the past and look to the future. But it's undeniable that our future will continue to be shaped by our past until we go back, seek out the injuries, and consciously break the stranglehold they have on us.

Only we have the power to do this, but we cannot be intimidated by the darkness that exists in our childhood. Shining a light on the hurts in our past can be painful, but ultimately, this is what frees us. This is what allows us to prevent childhood issues from repeating themselves in our adult life. By seeking out the pain, we can let it go, and move on.

Graceful Aging

Old age is something none of us can avoid. Worrying about it simply precipitates its onset. So you may lose your hair. So your skin may become dry and wrinkled. You may gain weight. Your movements might become laboured or clumsy. So what? It's the natural process of Life. But there a few things you can do to make aging more graceful and softer on your ego.

Psychologists say that our minds and bodies, generally, begin to age, or wind down, after the age of 45. And it's about that time that we should give our lives a new direction.

Healthy foods and exercise are essential at any point in our lives, and particularly crucial when we're entering our twilight years. Exercise at least moderately. If nothing else, you could always walk around the neighbourhood. The body breaks down even faster due to lack of use. And don't take my word for it because I'm not a nutritionist, but richly-coloured foods that are high in fibre and low in fat are usually good - salmon, broccoli, nuts, capsicum, fruits. Make your meals visually pleasing as well as tasty!

As you grow older, friendships become more important than ever. Family members are great, but you cannot become dependent on them socially. They can't always be there for you. So for those times when they can't, enjoy the company of close friends who can.

If you've retired, or are going to retire soon, learn new things that you didn't have the time to take up when you were working. Again, what the thing is is not important, as long as you have an interest in it. Especially beneficial are things that require a fair amount of mind work, or are manually complex to do. This keeps your mind and body working. Or things that expand your view of the world or see things from a different perspective. You could also revisit the things that gave you joy when you were younger - books, music, and films are particularly good for bringing back those good ol' memories.

No matter how many times you go to the gym a week, you'll never have the same body you did when you were 25. That doesn't mean you should stop caring about your appearance. Wear clothes that you're comfortable in but which still give you a little style and flair. Dressing to feel good about yourself is not a bad thing. Don't confuse it with narcissism and vanity.

Old age doesn't equate sagely wisdom, so keep your mind open to suggestions and ideas, even from very young people. Their nascent minds may not teach the lesson in the most articulate way, but if you're open, you'll absorb the wisdom easily. Avoid thinking and behaving like you're the authority on everything, just because of your age. This can cause people to isolate you. It can also lead to complacency, inability to adapt and grow, and eventually, a stagnation of your mental abilities.

And set goals for yourself. This gives you something that you can look forward to. Make them reasonable. Finish one book a week. Keep to a budget. Plant your own chili padi. Plan a short holiday closeby. Make gifts for upcoming family gatherings. It's amazing how much you can achieve in your Golden Years.