Jealousy is Destructively

Phthonus, the God of Jealousy from Greek mythology, when in matters of love, had caused much death and violence based on his preoccupations. He had many wives but killed each one eventually, on suspicion of adultery.

Myth, perhaps, but its essence is no less true to real life.

Jealousy, a naturally occuring emotion is evident when the time an infant gains an understanding of his/her environment. Siblings are routinely jealous of one another and quarrel over toys, things and even their parents' affection. Even in adulthood, and as we come into romantic relationships, jealousy does hang around conspicuously, analysing the smallest details, and coming up with the most ludicrous conspiracy theory.

The most innoncent acts can be misconstrued to be events wholly opposite of what it truly meant. And many a time, couples are torn apart due to jealous suspicion.

Jealousy have the strongest control over a person who is chiefly insecure about him/herself. He/She feels that he/she will never be good enough and because he's/she's will always be too weak to improve him/herself. He/She might look for things that reinforce his/her negative belief!!

You might have come across.."She doesn't love me anymore as i'm unattractive", He's so romantic while i'm just boring!", He's richer than I'm, that's why she's going after him!"

The list can go on and on. And in the minds of jealous people, it does. They're so preoccupied with what others have that they conveniently forget and overlook what they have, or what they can work to achieve.

Jealousy is weak and destructive and it must not have room in our lives.

If you are currently managing your feelings of jealousy, reflect on yourself...where does this jealousy come from?

Is it a really warranted? Or could it be thought out?

Critically assess yourself. Is jealousy is just another easy and convenient way of excusing from helping to improve the relationship?

Even worse than a casino game, you're ALWAYS a loser when you are playing with jealousy. Because when you are jealous, you are pitting against yourself. You are betting that your opponent is better than you.

See jealousy for what it really is and be better than it.

Gift Of Insults

There once lived a great warrior. Though quite old, he was still able to defeat any challenger. His reputation extended far and wide throughout the land and many students gathered to study under him.

One day an infamous young warrior arrived at the village. He was determined to be the first man to defeat the great master.

Along with his strength, he had an uncanny ability to spot and exploit any weakness in an opponent. He would wait for his opponent to make the first move, thus revealing a weakness, and then would strike with merciless force and lightning speed. No one had ever lasted with him in a match beyond the first move.

Much against the advice of his concerned students, the old master gladly accepted the young warrior's challenge.

As the two squared off for battle, the young warrior began to hurl insults at the old master. He threw dirt and spit in his face. For hours he verbally assaulted him with every curse and insult known to mankind.

But the old warrior merely stood there motionless and calm. Finally, the young warrior exhausted himself. Knowing he was defeated, he left feeling shamed.

Somewhat disappointed that he did not fight the insolent youth, the students gathered around the old master and questioned him. "How could you endure such an indignity? How did you drive him away?"

The old warrior replied, "My opponent came to give me a gift - a gift of insults. But if someone comes to give you a gift and you do not receive it, to whom then does the gift belong?"

The Old Man And His Shoe

One day an old man boarded a bus. As he was going up the steps, one of his shoes slipped off. The door closed and the bus moved off so he was unable to retrieve it. The old man calmly took off his other shoe and threw it out of the window.

A young man on the bus saw what happened, and could not help going up to the old man and asking, "I noticed what you did, sir. Why did you throw out your other shoe?"

The old man promptly replied, "So that whoever finds them will be able to use them."

The old man in the story understood a fundamental philosophy for life - do not hold on to something simply for the sake of possessing it or because you do not wish others to have it. We lose things all the time. The loss may seem to us grievous and unjust initially, but loss only happens so that positive changes can occur in our lives. We should not always assume that losing something is bad, because if things do not shift, we'll never become better people or experience better things. That's not to say of course that we only lose "bad" things; it simply means that in order for us to mature emotionally and spiritually, and for us to contribute to the world, the interchange between loss and gain is necessary.

Like the old man in the story, we have to learn to let go. The world had decided that it was time for the old man to lose his shoe. Maybe this happened to add momentum to a series of events leading to a better pair of shoes for the old man. Maybe the search for another pair of shoes would lead the old man to a great benefactor. Maybe the world decided that someone else needed the shoes more.

Whatever the reason, we can't avoid losing things. The old man understood this. One of his shoes had gone out of his reach. The remaining shoe would not have been much help to him, but it would be a cherished gift to a homeless person desperately in need of protection from the ground. Hoarding possessions does nothing to make us or the world better. We all have to decide constantly if some things or people have run their course in our lives or would be better off with others. We then have to muster the courage to give them away.

The Carrot Seed

I'm going to share with you a story called "The Carrot Seed" that began as a 10,000 word saga.

Its author, Ruth Krauss, claimed that it took her an entire lifetime to craft. Not satisfied with the impact the original version had, Krauss whittled the text down to its final 101 words, making it one of the shortest picture book texts when it was published in 1945.

Here's how it goes?

A little boy planted a carrot seed.

His mother said, "I'm afraid it won't come up."

His father said, "I'm afraid it won't come up."

And his brother said, "It won't come up."

Everyday the little boy pulled up the weeds around the seed and sprinkled the ground with water.

But nothing came up.

And nothing came up.

Everyone kept saying it wouldn't come up.

But he still pulled up the weeds around it every day and sprinkled the ground with water.

And then, one day, a carrot came up.

Just as the little boy had known it would.

And that was a story called "The Carrot Seed" by Ruth Krauss.

Countless interpretations have been made about its philosophy, but most accept that it's a tale about the power of action and positive thought. About the power of childhood faith, and what one can achieve if he refuses to be distracted by external dissonance and perseveres in what he believes in.

Self Awareness

A man once wanted to get some paperwork done before he took his son to the park. To keep his son occupied until he finished his work, he tore a picture of the world out of a magazine, and then tore it into little pieces. He told his son when he had finished putting the puzzle together, they would go to the park.

Expecting this to take his son quite some time to accomplish, he was surprised when his son returned shortly thereafter with the completed puzzle.

The father asked his son, "how were you able to finish the puzzle so quickly?" His son answered him saying "there's a picture of a man on the other side, and when I put the man together, the pieces of the world just fell into place."

- Story by unknown author


How well do you know yourself?

Much of the happiness and success you deserve depends on how you scored on that question.

Knowing who you are, what you want and why you want it is the first step towards creating the life that you want. If you're highly "self-aware", you'll be able to understand why you feel and act the way you do. You'll then be able to either change the aspects you want to change or cultivate your strengths.

If you don't understand yourself, you'll find it very difficult to accept yourself. Consequently, you'll be embroiled in your internal conflicts, allowing external circumstances to determine your state of mind.

Many people look for meaning and joy in the external. They think that they'll be happy when they finally find a partner for life, get that promotion, become famous, become thin, get recognized for their work, or make loads of money.

They structure their lives based on the criteria determined by society. They become so preoccupied with meeting these criteria that they forget to listen to their inner voices, their natural instinct to create the life they deserve.

Being clear about who you are and what you want can be very empowering. The tiny box you used to live in becomes a world full of wondrous possibilities.

Pebbles Equals Diamonds

One night a group of nomads were preparing to retire for the evening when suddenly they were surrounded by a great light. They knew they were in the presence of a celestial being. With great anticipation, they awaited a heavenly message of great importance that they knew must be especially for them.

Finally, the voice spoke, "Gather as many pebbles as you can. Put them in your saddle bags. Travel a day's journey and tomorrow night will find you glad and it will find you sad."

After having departed, the nomads shared their disappointment and anger with each other. They had expected the revelation of a great universal truth that would enable them to create wealth, health and purpose for the world. But instead they were given a menial task that made no sense to them at all. However, the memory of the brilliance of their visitor caused each one to pick up a few pebbles and deposit them in their saddle bags while voicing their displeasure.

They traveled a day's journey and that night while making camp, they reached into their saddle bags and discovered every pebble they had gathered had become a diamond. They were glad they had diamonds. They were sad they had not gathered more pebbles.

That story was featured in an article written by John Wayne Schlatter, from the book "A 2nd Helping of Chicken Soup for the Soul".

Every experience, whether small, overwhelming, joyful, or upsetting, is a pebble we find on the road. If we leave it there on the road and glean nothing from it, then we will end up with an empty bag at the end of our journey.

However, if we begin to cherish and appreciate every pebble, learn something from it, and keep it in our bags, we will finish our journey with a bag full of diamonds.

The irony of the story is in the arcane message delivered by the mysterious voice, supposedly the voice of God. Understanding fully the nature of Man - which is to be suspecting and lazy - he knew from the beginning that the nomads would finish their journey both glad and sad.

Not one of them was faithful or industrious enough to follow the instructions properly, and so they all ended up regretful that they had not gathered more pebbles.

Treat every experience in life like a pebble that will yield a diamond in the future. In this way, you'll ensure that you constantly develop and grow, as well as accumulated a wealth of knowledge to enrich you in the years ahead.

Story taken from "A 2nd Helping of Chicken Soup for the Soul" edited by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen

Making A Difference (Throwing A Starfish Into The Sea)

Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.

One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.

He came closer still and called out "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?"

The young man paused, looked up, and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean."

"I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man.

To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die."

Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!"

At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, "It made a difference for that one."

Adapted from The Star Thrower by Loren Eiseley (1907 - 1977)

Margins Of Life

When I was in my Primary years, my form teacher had taught me to always draw a one-centimeter margin on the right hand side of my exercise book. It dawned on me why the need of margins as it occupies space. With this space, I could have written more letters and numbers, saved more paper and made my exercise book last longer. I felt that this rule was silly though I reluctantly drew them anyway.

Coming to the present day… I was cleaning up my house when I chanced upon my primary school exercise book. I took it up and could not help but smile as I turned those pages of yore. Within this book, it had something special that made me treasured it till now. It was those silly margins. Encouraging words like, “"I am happy that your ambition is to become an engineer", "Interesting narration of a chocolate-box life? love your ideas of giving birth to little baby geese from golden eggs", "you have a good heart in helping blind people by donating your pocket money - keep it up", will be filled up by the margins by my form teacher. She would draw a star, a sad face, a smiley to relate her feeling or just a simple tick to show her reaction and acknowledge to my statement. I also find out that a few pages were marginless; there were no remarks or comments. I wish I had drawn them at that time.

I finally understood my form teacher golden rule of drawing margins. Just as I had drawn margins for her to pen remarks that I so fondly cherish, I should also draw margins in life's hectic schedule so that I can savour the process of my work. I have learned a thing or two about drawing margins in life:

Give allowance of time. Plan well to give time for tight schedules and aim to arrive early by 15 minutes or more for all activities. Much often, stress is created by my ambition to squeeze too much activity into a limited time.

Set time for things that matter. Offer myself time to enjoy my hobbies, time to spend with my loved ones, time to go on a vacation and time to play my favourite sports.

Give time for little things. Give some time talking to a child, pouring myself a good cup of coffee, comforting someone, cleaning the toilet, learning to cook Tom Yam from Mommy, helping the blind person to cross the road, marvelling at the sunset, or just watching the street busker performing.

I assumed that drawing those silly margins was a waste of space and was worried that my exercise book would not last the whole year. The fact was, the margins turned out to be the highlight of my book and by the end of the year the book was only 75% filled. And yes, I had worried for nothing. The value of the exercise book is not measured by its length; it is worth by its content. Likewise, time is not calculated by seconds; it is worth and valued by the moments. I shall continue to create such moments by drawing those margins in my life!

Clarity of Mind

Many years ago there was a young man living in Korea, who felt that his life was quite empty. So he shaved his head and went up into the mountains to live the life of a monk. He studied diligently for a number of years, but still felt that he did not really understand how to be free.

The young man had heard of certain Zen masters living in China so he gathered his meager belongings and started a long and arduous journey across arid plains.

Every day he would walk for many hours, and would stop only after finding a patch of land that had a source of water. Finding water was not a simple task in such dry lands. There were many times he had to walk until late in the evening before finding a suitable location in which to rest and be refreshed.

One day was particularly hot, and the monk walked on endlessly, unable to find an oasis. When he did finally find a shaded area he collapsed on the ground and slept for several hours. He woke up some time after midnight and he was tremendously thirsty. He crawled around on his hands and knees in the darkness, and ran across a roughly made cup that must have been left by a previous traveler. The custom of leaving a cup with some water in it, for the next traveler to drink from was quite common. He drank the meager amount of water in the cup and he felt very blessed and very at peace with the world. He lay down again and slept quite comfortably.

The next day, upon waking up, he saw what the night before, he had taken to be the roughly made cup. It was the shattered skull of a baby wolf. The skull was caked with dried blood, and numerous insects were floating on the surface of the small quantity of filthy rain water still left at the bottom.

The monk saw all of this and immediately started to vomit. He had a great wave of nausea, and as the fluid poured forth from his mouth, it was as if his mind was being cleansed. He immediately felt a deep sense of understanding. Last night, since he couldn't see he assumed that he had found a cup which had been left by a fellow traveler. The water tasted delicious. This morning, upon seeing the skull, the thought of what he had done the night before made him sick to his stomach. He understood that it was his thinking, and not the water, that made him feel ill. It was his thinking that created good and bad, right and wrong, delicious and foul tasting. With no thinking there was no suffering.

How about you? Is there some situation in your life where it's your thinking that makes for the suffering and not the actual circumstances you are embroiled in? If this is so, it's a great opportunity for you to cleanse your mind and be free.

ADAPTED FROM AN UNKNOWN AUTHOR