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Thursday 24 April 2008

Undue Worries

Mark Twain once said, "I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them have never happened."

Our mind is often our own worst enemy, and our thoughts can routinely cause us hours, days even, of unnecessary distress and anxiety. Worry is a prolific writer of anxious thoughts and worst-case scenarios, and it can often spin an overwrought, extravagant yarn worthy of any soap opera writer's desk.

Take for example, we unintentionally offend someone and that person confronts us about it. The drama could end with our apology and that person's understanding. But no, in our minds, we'd imagine that the person is truly livid, and that he or she will tell others of what we have done. That will then cause people to judge us unfavourably.

Or say a friend calls up to cancel something we had planned. We could simply take it as what it is - a cancellation. But no, we'd take it as a consequence of how our friend feels about us. Maybe he or she doesn't want to be around us anymore. Maybe he or she had heard something undesirable about us. Maybe he or she found a more interesting person to be with.

Our ability to make ourselves feel miserable knows no bounds. And it doesn't end with our relations with friends either. A family member or a partner could say or do something to us, which in our view is harsh or insensitive. That's enough fuel for our minds to start thinking "My partner doesn't love me anymore. Maybe he or she is getting bored with me. He or she doesn't care about my feelings. Maybe he or she want to break up with me. Maybe I'll never be able to find love. Maybe, maybe, maybe?"

We waste precious time and energy dreaming up hypothetical situations which most of the time simply aren't true at all. Sometimes, we may unwittingly make them true by behaving jealously, insensitively or unreasonably. An insanely jealous husband or wife may provoke his or her partner into having an affair even though no intention existed previously.

We should recognise such negative thoughts and learn not to let them hold sway over our emotions.

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