The Way To Happiness

It's been told that happiness is a journey, not a destination. Then again, many of us make the mistake of denying ourselves joy until something happens - until we get a promotion, until we get our dream house, until we clinch that million-dollar contract.

Happiness can be elusive, but if we follow these simple steps, we may yet attain it faster and with less strife than we think.

Are you overwhelmed by a sense of dread when you try something new every time? Positive and spirited people focus on what is possible rather than dwell on the chances for failure. They look at the brighter side and find humour even in sticky situations.

This also extends to inner judgements. Minimise being self-critical, when we need to practice a little kindness towards ourselves. Take note of your own thoughts - what do you tell yourself about how you are handling things? Perhaps you did make a mistake, but you were exhausted.

Do you complete one task only to rush on to the next? Similarly you may meet challenges of a more personal nature, such as having a difficult conversation with a loved one, without acknowledging your own effort. It's important to absorb the satisfaction from your achievements.

Some people believe the world owes them - and they are entitled to "the good life" and all its benefits. They become bitter when setbacks happen and tangible rewards stay out of reach.

We need to ask ourselves - what can I offer to other people? What can I contribute to my family, my community or the world at large that is align with my skills and abilities? Sarah Bernhardt, a flamboyant French actress in the late 1800s showed uncommon wisdom when she mentioned, "It is by spending oneself that one becomes rich."

Recognizing our life values, determining how we want to achieve them and taking steps to act on them is self-empowering and fulfilling. When you able to understand that you are doing what is most important to you, your happiness level shoots right up.

No one likes feeling wedged. It is essential to know what you really want and then take some action towards it. Even if progress is slow, do not be disheartened as you will feel better going in the right direction.

No matter how stressed you are, take a break from your routine to admire the simple things around you or share coffee with a friend. It is the moments which make us happiest - yet so many of them slip by unnoticed.

Dealing With Disappointments

Someone once mentioned, "No appointments, no disappointments."

We experience these somewhat similar emotions when we have created expectations relating what we will receive from others, life or even from ourselves. We might also feel such emotions relating our own abilities or efforts when we are unable to achieve the goals we desire.

We feel this way when things do not go the way we expected, or more often, when others are not who we expected them to be. We form expectations, and then feel cheated when we they are not fulfilled.

When we succumb to such feelings, we often give up making any further effort, which in turn hampers our growth. In order to manage disappointment, we have to first understand that we are all in a process of evolution and that no one is perfect. It is irrational to expect or demand perfection from ourselves or others. We would not be here in this evolutionary process if we did not have much to progress.

Have faith in the flow of life. There is a wisdom greater than ours. Something drives the turtle to return to their birthplace to lay eggs upriver. Something unfurls the flowers at dawn and closes them in the evening. Something makes the penguins to go out and come back fish for his/her mate. We don't yet fully understand what that something is, but there's no denying it's there. So instead of demanding results at once, we need to learn that change, manifestation and creation are usually slow organic processes.

Now this is challenging to do when faced with disappointment - having confidence that with patience, practice and perseverance, we can manifest the changes we seek. But it's crucial that we develop greater trust in our ability to manifest our goals and life purpose with or without the help of specific persons.

See how you can attain greater self-sufficiency. When we are independent, we need less from others and will expect less from them too. What are the voids in your life you now require others to fill? How can you work towards in filling them yourself?

Pebbles Equals Diamonds

One night a group of nomads were preparing to retire for the evening when suddenly they were surrounded by a great light. They knew they were in the presence of a celestial being. With great anticipation, they awaited a heavenly message of great importance that they knew must be especially for them.

Finally, the voice spoke, "Gather as many pebbles as you can. Put them in your saddle bags. Travel a day's journey and tomorrow night will find you glad and it will find you sad."

After having departed, the nomads shared their disappointment and anger with each other. They had expected the revelation of a great universal truth that would enable them to create wealth, health and purpose for the world. But instead they were given a menial task that made no sense to them at all. However, the memory of the brilliance of their visitor caused each one to pick up a few pebbles and deposit them in their saddle bags while voicing their displeasure.

They traveled a day's journey and that night while making camp, they reached into their saddle bags and discovered every pebble they had gathered had become a diamond. They were glad they had diamonds. They were sad they had not gathered more pebbles.

That story was featured in an article written by John Wayne Schlatter, from the book "A 2nd Helping of Chicken Soup for the Soul".

Every experience, whether small, overwhelming, joyful, or upsetting, is a pebble we find on the road. If we leave it there on the road and glean nothing from it, then we will end up with an empty bag at the end of our journey.

However, if we begin to cherish and appreciate every pebble, learn something from it, and keep it in our bags, we will finish our journey with a bag full of diamonds.

The irony of the story is in the arcane message delivered by the mysterious voice, supposedly the voice of God. Understanding fully the nature of Man - which is to be suspecting and lazy - he knew from the beginning that the nomads would finish their journey both glad and sad.

Not one of them was faithful or industrious enough to follow the instructions properly, and so they all ended up regretful that they had not gathered more pebbles.

Treat every experience in life like a pebble that will yield a diamond in the future. In this way, you'll ensure that you constantly develop and grow, as well as accumulated a wealth of knowledge to enrich you in the years ahead.

Story taken from "A 2nd Helping of Chicken Soup for the Soul" edited by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen

Practise in Self Belief

To achieve any goal in life, you must believe you are going to be successful. This conviction gives you the strength and resilience needed to achieve your objective. It also helps you to actively seek and recognise opportunities and stepping stones.

So how can you develop a powerful sense of self-belief?

Before you begin any endeavour, you should be confident that the end result is possible. Don't focus on whether it's been done before or not. Don't listen to others who might be feeding you with negative thoughts. Be clear in your own mind that the goal can be achieved.

More crucially, believe that the end result is possible by you. We often hold limiting beliefs about our own ability to achieve goals. We may believe the goal is possible, but we often don't think it's possible for us to achieve it. So identify those beliefs that are holding you back and take time to address them.

Now that you know you can achieve your objective, how much do you want it? The more we want to achieve a goal, the bigger the hurdles we'll jump over to get there. So choose a goal you really want; take the time to ask yourself why you want it and how badly you want it. What are the values underlying that goal? Is it a desire to help people? A yearning to be your own boss? Or is it to do something that allows you to spend more time with your children?

Next you have to believe that you deserve the end result. Hidden under the surface in many people is a belief that they do not deserve to succeed. Because of some deep-rooted experience that caused their self-esteem to decline, these people often choose to remain where they are, or even slide, because they feel that they are not worthy of success and happiness. When they try to take action, this belief restricts them, they lose motivation, and fail. But always remember that if you work consistently toward your goal, you deserve all the success you get.

Also, achieving your goal should not contradict any other beliefs or values you have. For example, if you believe strongly that rich people are greedy, you'll probably not be motivated enough to build a successful business. Try aligning your goals with your values. An entrepreneur perhaps could work towards making a lot of money so that he can use part of that money to help the needy.

Believing in yourself and your ability to achieve your goals is the first step towards building a better future for yourself.

Stop Complaining

We all know that life wasn’t meant to go your way all the time. This state of uncertainity is designed to help us grow into the kind of human beings we can be, to help us understand how we fit into the larger scheme of things, and to prevent our minds and bodies from declining in a state of inertia.

So, in many ways, disappointment is an indispensable part of life. Without it, we would become complacent and slothful, success and love wouldn’t fill our hearts with as much joy, and there would be no push towards improving ourselves.

However, when circumstances take twists and turns we can't predict, we often feel discouraged. And we feel the need to complain. Some people feel it’s a right. The so-called logic is “If the world is treating me unkindly, why shouldn’t I make some noise about it?”

Well, the “noise” may release some tension initially, but complaining doesn’t solve anything. Besides, it conditions a negative mindset. It forces us to unwittingly dwell on what's wrong in our lives instead of focusing on what we can change or do to make things right. When complaining becomes a part of you, you’re inviting a lot of negative energy into your life.

When something goes differently than we had planned or when something that's difficult pops up unexpectedly, we should allow ourselves to feel the confusion, anger, or whatever other emotion comes along as a result.

But once you have vented, stop yourself from dwelling on the thing that caused the negative emotion. Quit complaining. When you complain, you tell several people over and over about what went wrong. Your mind is hooked onto the horrible thing. You bring others and yourself down by your complaining. You become stuck in your own whiny, nagging slime.

So, after venting, allow yourself to pick up the pieces and see where you can proceed from where you are. What can you do to make things better? How can you respond so that achieving your main priority is still your focus? Think about things that have turn out right in your life. Appreciate what you have been able to achieve so far and give credit to it.

By asking yourself questions and recollecting past positive moments, your mind accepts what has just happened and moves on to what will happen next. It uses the lessons you just learned as corrective feedback to help you stay on track with your goal or to help you determine a new one with a focus.

So go ahead and let it out, but quit complaining. You will be in a much better position to handle things when they don't go your way.

Love Need Not To Be Bartered

You usually do what you're told or asked to, even when you really don't want to do it. You hold your grudges inside, but because you feel mistreated, you grumble, complain and have frequent bursts of anger. You feel suppressed, but just can't seem to say "no".

Does that sound like you?

If you're consistently suppressing your desires to accommodate other people's needs, even it makes you really unhappy, perhaps you need a shift in self-perspective.

You probably feel that if you don't give in to others' requests or demands, that people will not love or accept you anymore. You believe that their "love" for you is based exclusively on the pre-requisite that you comply with their every wish.

People trapped in such relationships can't seem to refuse the requests of family members or friends. And their family members and friends have become so used to seeing them in the submissive role that they often think that's what makes them happy, so they leave them to it. These people also get feelings of self-worth from being the "victim", the "martyr", or the one who has to give up their own needs to accommodate the desires of the people he loves. This is a false line of reasoning that he has permitted himself to believe.

But your family members and friends will just as easily love you even if you can't give in to their desires. Love does not require that you hide your true self and happiness. Love does not need you to be unfair about your real feelings.

True freedom is found in giving out and sharing of love and not out of fear. When we give out of fear of rejection, we are not really giving but bartering whatever we are giving in exchange for others' acceptance and approval

No one can respond to what others ask of them all the time. And you are just as worthy of love even when you can't accommodate the needs of others.

Is it time that you allowed others to be responsible for their own reality? And for you to be responsible for your own happiness and fulfillment?

Managing Negativity

Our lives these days are filled with negativity - terrorism, disease, natural disasters, war. The messages we receive on a daily basis mostly aim to induce a feeling of dissatisfaction, envy or fear. As life gets more stressful, we encounter more negativity from our family, friends and co-workers.

How we deal with this information is up to us. We can either absorb it all and allow it to negatively dominate our thoughts, emotions, attitudes and our day-to-day lives. Or we can view these events as an unfortunate but unavoidable part of our existence and concentrate on those things we can do something about - such as our own personal lives and how we can positively influence ourselves and those around us.

The more we focus on the "bad" or negative things around us, the more our thoughts and behaviour work towards an undesirable outcome. But if we change our focus to the good things of life - the positives - there is an above average chance that things will get much better. Negatives fill our emotional bucket quickly and before we know it, they are spilling all over ourselves and those around us. Isn't it far more logical to fill our bucket with positives? The people around us are sure to be much more receptive to any spillage the might occur.

If your optimism is taking a beating, try saving some time for yourself and writing down the good things in your life - the things you enjoy and appreciate. Start with the fact that you even woke up this morning, then go from there. No matter how bad your situation is, if you try just a little you'll have plenty of items on our list. Keep the list handy and add to it as you think of other things. There will always be days when your list will come in handy to give you a pick-me-up.

Be selective about what you read, watch on TV, hear on the radio and the music you listen to. Think about the information your mind is absorbing and determine whether it's really good for you. Be selective with your friends and pay attention to the conversations you are having. Is the relationship - or the conversation - based on negative words and feelings? Would you be better off changing the subject - or finding someone different to spend your time with?

And watch your "self talk". This is the imaginary conversations we have with ourselves and others, especially when there are potential conflicts on the horizon. Stop "badmouthing" the people in your life and stop "badmouthing" yourself! Every time we do that, we are reinforcing to ourselves just how miserable the world is and how unfortunate we are.

Effective Listening (Part 2)

Today, let's continue to talk about how you can improve your listening skills, thus making you a more powerful communicator.

Ask a question, then keep your mouth shut. This sounds so simple, but in practice, it's one of the hardest things about being a good listener. You will feel the desire to butt into the conversation at many points, but don't. However, if there are parts of the message you don't understand, ask for clarification. Think of yourself as an interviewer. Think Barbara Walters perhaps; she's excellent at listening and questioning.

Here are some tips for asking effective questions, beginning with the cardinal rule?

Ask open-ended questions. Questions that can't be answered with a simple "yes" or "no". Such as "How could we do this?" or "What do you think?" Your objective is to get the other person to talk as much as possible.

You might think "Why" is a good question to ask. It's certainly open-ended, and probes for reasons and motivations. But "why" can be intimidating. It puts people on the defensive. So don't ask "why"? Ask "How come?"

Very often, a lot of useful information can be gleaned from imaginary scenarios. Ask "What if?". Start with plausible scenarios, then as you get better at questioning, try slightly more incredible ones. If you're skilful enough, seemingly preposterous scenarios can elicit the most truthful responses, or give you deeper insight into the person's psyche.

Make the other person feel comfortable by demonstrating you care about their feelings and understand where they're coming from. Offer alternatives - "Which way would you prefer?", "How do you feel about this", and so on. And repeat back what they say. This is a great technique to prevent misunderstandings and convince that person that you really are listening.

Listening sounds like a simple thing, but it takes a lot of work and practice to really do it well. Effective listening and negotiating involves suppressing your own reflexes and responses, and creating an environment which allows the other person to express himself without feeling threatened.

Try out these listening tips. You'll begin to realise just how important listening really is in effective communication.

Effective Listening (Part 1)

To communicate effectively, effective listening is required. In fact, oftentimes, listening is more important in speaking so as to negotiate well with others. Many salespeople learn through the school of hard knocks - they make flowery presentations, only to be blown off without so much as a second thought. But if they had only let their customers tell them what their problems or needs were, they would probably be able to sell them anything.

Listening is really quite simple, yet most of us haven't mastered it. Why? I think it's probably because of the connotations of keeping silent. To many people, it implies impassivity, being lost for words, and etc. Also, it's hard keeping your mouth shut. Everyone wants to be heard. So in the cacophony of voices, nobody does. But what if you were one of the few who listened attentively to what others had to say? What valuable information would you gain?

So where do you begin if you truly want to develop your listening skills?

Firstly, nurture the desire to listen. Accept the fact that listening to others is your strength and forte. Given the chance, the other person will tell you everything you need to know. Try this out. Very soon, you'll find yourself hanging on every word that flies out of other people's mouths.

Always allow the other person do most of the talking. This is a simple sum of mathematics. Seek to listen about 70% of the time and talk 30% of the time.

Now, the theory is simple enough, but in practice, you'll find that at many points during the other party's speech, you'll feel the desire to interrupt. There will be points you disagree with and you'll think that you should speak then or forever hold your peace. That's not always true. In fact, most of the time, we regret saying the words we say. So always resist the temptation to interrupt. When you give in, all you do is disrupt the free-flowing info.

Learn to listen actively with a heart. Now this is essential, since hearing someone is vastly different from listening to someone. And people can tell the difference. Most people spend so much time regaling others with their stories that they're keenly aware when the audience is sleeping with their eyes open. And if there's something worse than not listening, it's pretending to listen. Then you've lost your prospect forever.

The art of listening is a very intricate one. It takes an expert communicator to do it well and convincingly too. I will continue to share tips on how to hone your listening skills.

Opening Up To Possibilities

When you imagine your future, do you see unlimited potential or do you see a lack of opportunities? Almost everyday, we are overrun by bad news, bleak outlooks, and people who complain about how miserable their lives are. In such a climate, it's no small task remaining upbeat and optimistic. But it is precisely that kind of positive attitude that will open your eyes to the opportunities that are always present.

Many of the circumstances appear to block us only because of the assumptions we make. In other words, if we colour our view of the world with negative energy, our behaviour towards it will appear to elicit an unfavourable response. If you look at your environment through cracked and grimy glasses, you won't see a pretty picture.

When you participate in negative dialogue, either with yourself or with others, you are setting yourself up for failure. It's almost as if there's an instinct to prove oneself right, and if you think things will turn out badly, your thoughts and action will contribute to that result. When you retreat from a world you perceive as grim, you're closing yourself off to the possibilities.

But what happens if you remain open to the possibilities? When you view the world from a perspective of unlimited potential, your attitude will shift. So will the way you engage your employees, customers, friends and family; everyone you come into contact with. You will project an image of abundance, and your drive and hope will inspire those around you. You will become a motivating force in a climate of openness and courage, a climate that gives back to you just as much, if not more, than what you gave to create it.

When we're open to possibilities, we see further and are more inclined to take risks. Risks that may not always yield the results we want, but which create more paths towards our goals. You're only a failure if you stop trying. Because opportunities for success are limitless - when one doesn't pay off the way you imagined, there's always the next, and the next. One of them will be the one to catapult you forward, and it could just be the next one.

Being open means that you have to stand confident in the realm of possibilities - no matter the competition and no matter your fear. If your entire focus is on what your competitors are doing, your attitude will be passed on to your employees, and, ultimately, your clients. But if you focus on what you do best and how to better satisfy your clients and engage with them in new and powerful ways, your results will be quite different!

Making A Difference (Throwing A Starfish Into The Sea)

Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.

One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.

He came closer still and called out "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?"

The young man paused, looked up, and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean."

"I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man.

To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die."

Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!"

At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, "It made a difference for that one."

Adapted from The Star Thrower by Loren Eiseley (1907 - 1977)

Cleaning One Self: In and Out

When you feel upset, discouraged or out of control, do you feel the desire to clean? Well, I don't, but when I do try it, it often works for me. There's a deep connection between our personal environment and our innermost selves. Our senses go deep, and those same senses also feel our surroundings. So is it possible that by shifting the arrangement of our stuff we can re-arrange the molecules of our emotional lives as well?

When our homes become messy and disordered, other aspects of our lives also tend to feel stuck. A messy home reflects a distracted and cluttered mind, and it also makes it difficult to focus and think clearly. It tends to be easier to put on hold decisions that could put you back in control of your life. Somehow or rather, we give up on it. The task seems overwhelming, and the clutter is so pervasive that we can't decide where to begin.

Clutter drains your energy and erodes your spirit. Clutter makes it challenging to get things done, enjoy peace and quiet, or spend time the way you really want to. It piles onto your stress, slows you down and drains your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual strength. Clutter makes you lose your focus, thus making you losing your confidence and power as well.

On an energetic level, all this stuff is clouding a clear vision of self. Anything that is neglected, unwanted, or unappealing to you, will bring your energy down every time you look at it. Even a fine-looking object of great value does nothing for you or your home if you don't like it. So if you don't appreciate it, get it out of sight.

Look around you. If you could only choose three, five or even ten items to live with for the rest of your life, what would they be? When you're considering this question, ask yourself - What do they really do for you? Do they empower you? Are they inspiring you to improve yourself?

Everything that surrounds you, should be working for you in one way or another. If the things around your space are not supporting you and contributing to the positive quality of your life, it is time to do something about it!

The defeat, fatigue, and depression that you feel when you think about your clutter will start to lessen as soon as you put yourself in action. The hard part is getting started, but once you do, you will feel the effect of it.

Clutter-clearing creates space for us to discover our true path in life to define who we want to become and align our out self with the inner most self. With this new vision we can consciously decide to surround ourselves with objects and imagery that reflect and support our authentic concept of self.

Sifting Out Personal Life From Professional Life

In life, we each play many different roles. One could be a father, a son, a mentor, a student, a boss, a lover, an artist, a joker. The complex dynamics of these roles is what gives each of us our uniqueness and our value to others.

In our professional lives however, it's often prudent not to allow our personal roles and emotions to carelessly slip through. Taking your emotional baggage into the workplace is inappropriate for all the reasons you may imagine. Many organizations or companies today may tout themselves as being a "big family", yet how many of them truly tolerate workers who bring their personal frustrations or opinions into the work sphere?

So how do you sift the personal out from your workplace?

It requires distinction and discrimination. If you are having communication challenges at work, look at how you view your manager, boss or employee. Does he/she take on a role as a parent, mate or partner? Are your frustrations related to what is and is not working in your life manifested on the job? Learn to put down your troubles at the door. Focus on your contribution in your workplace to yourself, your peers and the community. This is your opportunity to commit to what you are best at doing and get paid for it based on your strengths and merits.

Examine your principles. Principles are how you live your life, about what is important to you. Choose principles that help make you what you truly are. Your personal and professional values can be the same.

As a manager or business owner, you have to know what your principles are; what the company values are, as well as the values of the people you manage. The basic rules of respect and acceptance apply. The Golden Rule is: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you", not: "Do it to them before they do it to you".

People who take emotional baggage into the workplace can be temperamental, grasping and neglectful. Even more frustrating is that they throw all their pent-up, misplaced emotions on the job without consideration for others. Employees and co-workers react to this, work efforts and results go by the wayside, and profit, productivity and efficiency go down.

Leave your unexpressed feelings at bay. Have a breather if you become frustrated. Know that you are at work to achieve results.

Heal yourself first, determine your values, and then you will be a better employee, manager or business owner.

Balancing In Managing Conflict and Anger

In an increasingly complex, hectic and claustrophobic world, it's very easy for conflict to arise. Rising expectations, the soaring cost of living, and increased interaction mean more stress, and consequently, shorter tempers. This can lead to a lot of conflicts at work and at home. And we all recognize that in a state of anger, one can act irrationally and irresponsibly. Such acts can cost us our relationships, career and business prospects, and rob our peace of mind.

So when we feel like our "buttons" are being pushed, what can we do to keep our composure and reflect on the bigger picture? How can we circumvent making decisions we will regret later?

You can start by avoiding email like the plague when you're in a bad mood. This means of communication is so ubiquitous these days, we often don't think about the ramifications of using it too freely. Do you remember reading a colleague's email and thinking to yourself "Oh dear, this person is going to get into a lot of trouble!" Well, we've all experienced the creeping dread one gets when we clicked onto the "Reply To All" button without thinking. So the next time you feel like venting using email, don't. Whining to a colleague or railing at an associate is one thing, but once that email goes out, there's nothing you can do to retract it.

Pepper your replies with the phrase, "I understand". Sometimes you may feel you're being insincere because what you're feeling is anything but "understanding". But it helps to soften the edges significantly; you come across as calm and sympathetic, and the other party feels more obliged to work with you to solve the problem.

Some people find enjoyment on pushing others' "hot buttons". These people love ruffling people's feathers for the heck of it. The objective is to make you lose your cool so you say or do something foolish and irrational So do observe yourself when you feel threatened by what someone is saying to you. Resist the temptation to be defensive or to "shut down" the other person's communication. If you feel that someone is purposely trying to agitate you, calmly let the person know that you will not take part in this debate now, perhaps you can talk later, and walk away from the situation. Do not go or step into it.

We spend so much time with our co-workers, it's inevitable that dissent will occur. If you're unhappy with something, let the other person know in a calm and polite manner. Don't keep silent and allow the grudge to fester, or worse, vent your frustrations in other ways like ignoring the person or intentionally sabotaging him.

Managing conflict and anger is a delicate thing. Sometimes you feel like you're in the middle of an arid field perpetually in danger of being set alight by the unrelenting sun. Join me in the next programme when we'll talk about more ways of managing conflict and anger.

Spark Your Creative Flame

Creativity can be priceless, especially in this day and age when competition is so keen and practically everyone has some form of decent education. Creativity can set you apart from others, make you all the more valuable because you're able to contribute new and interesting ideas. Anyone can create a PowerPoint presentation, but what will make your pitch stand out from the rest?

Sure, you've had your sparks of brilliance, but how can you maintain a healthy store of creativity so that you're consistently performing at your peak?

First of all, you have to be very clear about what you're passionate about. Create and work on your mission statement. Let your principles guide you in almost everything you do. Knowing what your passion is gives you focus; it helps you decide when to say "Yes" and when to say "No". It cuts through the pandemonium of thoughts to light up which ideas work best for you.

Next, you must develop a system or technique of catching your ideas. So many thoughts pass our minds each day; how many good or potentially great ideas have you lost simply because you didn't have a way of recording them? Carry a note book everywhere you go, or use an audio recorder, or a PDA. Pen your ideas down, no matter how banal or silly they may seem at the time. When your creative well is dry, you can pull these out, throw them into the pot, give them a good stir and see what comes up! Many great ideas come from combining a few common things.

You can also keep your creative flame burning brightly by regularly engaging in creative "rituals". These are activities that massage or incite your creative energy. You must find out what works for you, but for me personally, I love going for a short walk, seeing the greens, starting off-the-wall conversations with friends to see what comes out of them, or forcing myself to laugh. The idea is to do something that knocks you off the pattern of ordinary life, that challenges you to come up with the most ridiculous, impossible things you can imagine!

And always do more than you're expected to do! If you're asked to come up with 3 names, think of 7! If you're asked for 5 designs, come up with 10! If you're asked for 2 alternate versions, give them 6! This practice trains your mind to always seek out more ideas, more solutions, more ways of doing something. Over time, your mind will be able to spontaneously spit out great ideas!

Margins Of Life

When I was in my Primary years, my form teacher had taught me to always draw a one-centimeter margin on the right hand side of my exercise book. It dawned on me why the need of margins as it occupies space. With this space, I could have written more letters and numbers, saved more paper and made my exercise book last longer. I felt that this rule was silly though I reluctantly drew them anyway.

Coming to the present day… I was cleaning up my house when I chanced upon my primary school exercise book. I took it up and could not help but smile as I turned those pages of yore. Within this book, it had something special that made me treasured it till now. It was those silly margins. Encouraging words like, “"I am happy that your ambition is to become an engineer", "Interesting narration of a chocolate-box life? love your ideas of giving birth to little baby geese from golden eggs", "you have a good heart in helping blind people by donating your pocket money - keep it up", will be filled up by the margins by my form teacher. She would draw a star, a sad face, a smiley to relate her feeling or just a simple tick to show her reaction and acknowledge to my statement. I also find out that a few pages were marginless; there were no remarks or comments. I wish I had drawn them at that time.

I finally understood my form teacher golden rule of drawing margins. Just as I had drawn margins for her to pen remarks that I so fondly cherish, I should also draw margins in life's hectic schedule so that I can savour the process of my work. I have learned a thing or two about drawing margins in life:

Give allowance of time. Plan well to give time for tight schedules and aim to arrive early by 15 minutes or more for all activities. Much often, stress is created by my ambition to squeeze too much activity into a limited time.

Set time for things that matter. Offer myself time to enjoy my hobbies, time to spend with my loved ones, time to go on a vacation and time to play my favourite sports.

Give time for little things. Give some time talking to a child, pouring myself a good cup of coffee, comforting someone, cleaning the toilet, learning to cook Tom Yam from Mommy, helping the blind person to cross the road, marvelling at the sunset, or just watching the street busker performing.

I assumed that drawing those silly margins was a waste of space and was worried that my exercise book would not last the whole year. The fact was, the margins turned out to be the highlight of my book and by the end of the year the book was only 75% filled. And yes, I had worried for nothing. The value of the exercise book is not measured by its length; it is worth by its content. Likewise, time is not calculated by seconds; it is worth and valued by the moments. I shall continue to create such moments by drawing those margins in my life!

The Power of Choice In Life

Harry Browne, the 2000 Libertarian Party candidate for U. S. President said this before, "You don't have to buy from anyone; don't have to work at any particular job; don't have to participate in any given relationship. You can choose."

Do you know that we all have the power of Choice? The power of choice is awesome and amazing. It's all about freedom - the freedom to pick one thing over another. However, are you choosing what you want from life?

"Oh no," some people said. "I can't as... I wasn’t educated. ...my family needs me. ...I don't have enough funds....I need more time." What's your reason?

The truth is, we do have choice in every single moment of our lives. For those who are destitute or disabled, the choices in life are fewer. But the rest of us often think we don't have freedom when we simply haven't claimed our power to choose differently.

How do you derive on your thought process? Do you do so because of:

• "Shoulds" - doing what you believe you should do.
• Pleasing others - doing what others want or expect you of or to do.
• Fear - choosing the safe and secure route.
• Habit and reaction - you don't even think about what you're doing - you've always done it this way, and it comes so naturally that you don't even think about why you do it.

You need the clarity to do what you want. Put a purpose and objective to it. Question yourself by asking like "Why am I doing this? What do I want to realize from it?" Pen your answers. Many a precious brilliant idea has been lost because it was forgotten. Be more conscious of how you are spending your time, because this is your life passing by. Never let yourself to be the victim. You need to take personal responsibility for your life. When you fully accept this, you will assert your inner power to make better choices. Be open and receptive to possibilities for yourself. Choose one aspect of your life where you are unsatisfied, and choose something new, something more for yourself. Dare to do different things and do things differently! Risk more!

Empowerment comes from the three Cs: choice, courage and change. They are yours to take it. You have the opportunity to create a future that's very different from your past. Also, remember that not choosing is also a choice.

Embrace Your True Self (Part 2 of 2)

In our path towards self-love, self-reliance is very important. Many people, in particular, women sacrifice that in order to be, in their opinion, better mothers or wives. But not being independent ultimately opens you up to attacks and the risk of ending up helpless and alone. And many of us rely on others to give us fulfillment and validation. Would you still be happy if you were alone? Would you still believe in yourself if nobody thought you were capable of success?

Ask yourself if you are happy depending on others to make you happy. If not, make a list of goals to achieve a sense of self-validation and independence. The first thing on your list should be to accept personal responsibilities. Living your life always allowing others to make things happen for you or to make your life better puts you at the mercy of others later in life. Even within a relationship, try your best to even things out. Rewards today may turn into reproach and resentment as the years wear on.

Buddhists and Hindus believe that there is a force that works kind of like a boomerang. What you give, you will receive back. Well, whether you believe in karma or not, there's no denying that doing good feels good and doing evil ultimately corrupts the soul. So refocus your life to doing good whenever you can.

And finally, work on a protective shield around yourself. This shield allows you to evaluate any stimuli, whether it's a verbal attack or action, from a rational standpoint. It helps you skip the initial stage where most people react personally and emotionally. It creates an automatic "cooling-off" period, if you will, time for the attack to bounce off and dissipate, time for you to recharge yourself with love and reason, time for the mood to change from one of anger and resentment to one of peace.

Here’s an example. Let's say you are doing your own work minding your own business and your partner starts chiding you for something you find very inconsequential. You'll feel the instinct to react, but don't. Imagine this invisible shield all around you filled with love and protection. When things have calmed down, you'll both realize that ultimately you both love each other and it would be a pity to allow petty scuffles to strain the relationship.

The bottom line is, in order to be true to yourself, you must find time to reboot your life to become the happy, well-adjusted person lying dormant inside of you. By taking that positive step towards finding the self-love you deserve, you open yourself to happiness and self-fulfillment and become the person you ultimately want to be!

Embrace Your True Self (Part 1 of 2)

What is one of the best things you can do for yourself and your loved ones? It is to practice self-love. Loving and respecting yourself more than anyone else is important because if you're not happy, successful, life-affirming and healthy, you're not much use to anyone.

Some people always put others before them, and this is a very natural thing to them; they're genuinely selfless and sympathetic. However, they might forget who they are and lose themselves in the process. They begin to get depressed, lose focus and ambition and ponder what happened to their life to make them journey to this point. The answer is simple - they let their obligations and responsibilities get in the way of fulfilling their life's destiny and, in short, they lost themselves to others.

Therefore, how does one who has become lost be found again?

Nobody was born disliking how they looked. As infants and young children, we were naturally self-loving. But we were taught to become insecure about our appearance as we grew up. So, reclaim that birthright. Fall in love with yourself all over again. See what you can do to enhance your appearance. We all can look better by paying more attention to our wardrobe, grooming, fitness and how we carry ourselves, instead of going through cosmetic surgery or crash course in dieting. Vanity can be healthy if the person you're trying to impress is none other than yourself.

Now that you've worked on the outside, it's time to work on the inside. What is stopping you presently? What will set you free?

There are millions of people running around on autopilot - finding themselves consumed by everyday life and the expectations of others that they've forgotten to care about the most important person in their lives - themselves.

If we continue to neglect ourselves, what's going to happen (and that's already affecting thousands of elderly people today) is that we're going to eventually find ourselves in a place of sadness and loneliness. Because in all our running around and tending to everybody's wishes and needs, we allowed our own problems and dissatisfactions to simmer and fester. How do we do everything for everybody and for ourselves, too? We can't. We have to accept that fact. There will be times that you will not present for someone because a part of you needs your love and time. And that's ok. You have to help yourself too, you know.

Value Adding Your Income

Many of us lament the state of our finances without doing anything about it. We complain about how our job just doesn't pay enough, and wonder why we aren't wealthier.

Well, we all know money isn't everything; it certainly isn't the most important thing in life, but we have to accept that we live in a materialistic world. And we require money to provide for our loved ones. So why don't you have as much money today as you desire?

First of all, you didn't think about or plan for today before it arrived. Had you been more aware, then, that you would always require money, and acted on that awareness in the past, you would be wealthier today than you are right now.

Because then, you would have purposely saved money (perhaps even by making small sacrifices over the years) or invested money (even small amounts) and would therefore have more money today.

Make a list of your expenses for one month and you'll quickly discover how many unnecessary things you buy and how much you could therefore set-aside for tomorrow. If you want to free yourself from financial worries, then start putting a portion of your money into a special account. Now that's a simple formula that unfortunately many people just can't seem to put into practice.

If the job you have now isn't bringing in enough money and isn't giving you the satisfaction you need to enjoy it, consider changing jobs. You might have heard this quote, "Do what you love and the money will follow."

You might also think of finding an extra job. Perhaps your primary job gives you great satisfaction, but doesn't yet provide a sufficient income. Taking a second job may offer a better solution than changing jobs. Consider the consequences though; working two jobs will translate lesser time for everything else and added pressure. Ask yourself if the increase in income is worth the additional taxes you'll pay, the extra time that you will have to spend, and so on.

Perhaps, you could be more efficient in your present job. Come out with ways that you can save time and money. Find your bottlenecks and fix them. Utilise the Paret Principle which states that 80 percent of your income comes from 20 percent of the work done. Concentrate more on effective tasks and less on auxiliary ones that don't bring in money.

As time progresses, you will be noticed - if not by your superiors at work and business associates or partners, then by others. There are always plenty of job openings for a worker who is conscientious and an expert in his or her field.

Clarity of Mind

Many years ago there was a young man living in Korea, who felt that his life was quite empty. So he shaved his head and went up into the mountains to live the life of a monk. He studied diligently for a number of years, but still felt that he did not really understand how to be free.

The young man had heard of certain Zen masters living in China so he gathered his meager belongings and started a long and arduous journey across arid plains.

Every day he would walk for many hours, and would stop only after finding a patch of land that had a source of water. Finding water was not a simple task in such dry lands. There were many times he had to walk until late in the evening before finding a suitable location in which to rest and be refreshed.

One day was particularly hot, and the monk walked on endlessly, unable to find an oasis. When he did finally find a shaded area he collapsed on the ground and slept for several hours. He woke up some time after midnight and he was tremendously thirsty. He crawled around on his hands and knees in the darkness, and ran across a roughly made cup that must have been left by a previous traveler. The custom of leaving a cup with some water in it, for the next traveler to drink from was quite common. He drank the meager amount of water in the cup and he felt very blessed and very at peace with the world. He lay down again and slept quite comfortably.

The next day, upon waking up, he saw what the night before, he had taken to be the roughly made cup. It was the shattered skull of a baby wolf. The skull was caked with dried blood, and numerous insects were floating on the surface of the small quantity of filthy rain water still left at the bottom.

The monk saw all of this and immediately started to vomit. He had a great wave of nausea, and as the fluid poured forth from his mouth, it was as if his mind was being cleansed. He immediately felt a deep sense of understanding. Last night, since he couldn't see he assumed that he had found a cup which had been left by a fellow traveler. The water tasted delicious. This morning, upon seeing the skull, the thought of what he had done the night before made him sick to his stomach. He understood that it was his thinking, and not the water, that made him feel ill. It was his thinking that created good and bad, right and wrong, delicious and foul tasting. With no thinking there was no suffering.

How about you? Is there some situation in your life where it's your thinking that makes for the suffering and not the actual circumstances you are embroiled in? If this is so, it's a great opportunity for you to cleanse your mind and be free.

ADAPTED FROM AN UNKNOWN AUTHOR

Working Out Relationship Conflicts

What hinders you from resolving conflicts with your partner?

A lasting and rewarding relationship has to be open and honest. And to maintain it, you have to be able to speak your grievances to your partner. Burying issues, and avoiding conflict and disagreements, do not have a place in a healthy relationship. You need to accept the fact that you WILL get on each other's nerves. You will disagree from time to time. Learn how to argue in a constructive manner to resolve the issue at hand and not tear each other apart personally is an art needs to be perfected over the course of time.

Here are some recommended steps for resolving conflict.

Firstly, both must agree to reach a solution. Many of us either opt to attack our partner or run away from the argument, neither of which helps. Always remember that you and your partner are in the same team - both of you want what's best for the relationship. Sometimes, in the heat of argument, we neglect that.

Also, explore your feelings. Why are you so upset? Examine your reaction to the event and see if you are responding to the present situation or reliving a past hurtful event. Reflect if this issue is really about you and your partner or you and someone from your past.

Next, identify what you want. Speak up. See what you and your partner can work out for a mutually satisfying resolution. Your partner cannot give you what you want if you don't have the courage to ask for it. Remember, you are in love with each other. You want to feel good, your partner wants to feel good, and you both have the same wish for each other. Keep that in mind as you express your desires.

And choose mutual action. A relationship is a partnership, a joint effort. If one person ends up being responsible for making the union work on every level, resentment will build up. Work out fair resolutions.

Nuturing A Positive Winning Mindset

Would you like to be the best that you can be in whatever you do? Would you like to be a winner?

You might ponder, "Who wouldn't want to be a winner?"

Let's take a good look around you, apparently plenty of winners among us. However, most of us are not living lives of constant self-improvement and action towards success and the fulfilment of our dreams. Most of us are "losers", not in the derogatory sense of the word, but we are "losers" because we let ourselves to keep falling short of what we are capable of.

In order to realise our goals, we have to break out the web of "passive anticipation", meaning the kind of thinking that says "oh, I'll get to that soon", "yeah I know I need to get this done, but I have so many other things to do", "when I find the time, I'll do it" and “I’ll get it done as soon as possible”

Cut to the chase. Identify your passions, your priorities, your plans of action, and most importantly, take action. It's no good having dreams if you simply continue sleeping.

If you truly want to be a winner, you have to wake up. See the world in a brave new light. Believe that this world is essentially and generally giving, and that sometimes, bad things happen to good people, but if you follow your instincts, it will point you in the right direction and towards your goals. Learn to control your fear and do not always avoid something just because past experience has been negative. Who knows, the next one might just be the one.

Learn to be optimistic but rational. For example, putting half your earnings into investments you know have the potential for modest but steady growth is being optimistic but rational. But putting all your savings into an IPO you know nothing about just because a good friend says you should or because you have a gut feeling about it, is a foolish gamble. Some might say that you've got to take big risks in order to win big. Well, are you prepared to lose big? Don’t rush.

Once you've identified your passions and loves, make a list of things you have to do to get you closer to your dreams. What's next? Action - the key to success. Your plans are nothing if you do not have the discipline and focus to follow through on them. And start today. Losers chatter to themselves that they will start "one day real soon". It will never happens.

Anger Management

We all feel angry at times. For many of us, anger is something we hold on to, merely because it's an instinctive and natural reaction to threat or danger. It can be constructive if we can control it and harness its energy for something positive. For example, if a tactless criticism makes us angry, that anger can be redirected to fuel our determination to improve ourselves.

Unchecked anger, in contrast, can harm relationships, block careers and disrupt lives. It can cause others to stay away from you, frame you, or even seek revenge.

Here are some small steps in anger management. We won't be able to eliminate it altogether, but with practice, we can avoid letting it hurt us.

Firstly, find out what triggers anger in you. Obnoxious people? When you don't get the result you want? Losing? Running late for a screening because your partner gave you the wrong directions? Learn to view these situations and occurrences from a detached, third-party position. Understand that you become a slave to these triggers the moment you react negatively to them. What's the worst that can happen if you opt to ignore them? Probably not much, or nothing at all. Think about it - would you rather be a little late for a concert that has no bearing on the quality of your life, or unleash your wrath on a loved one over an unintentional oversight?

Create a buffer between your triggers and your response to them. Pause and think about the severity of the scenario. Does it warrant frustration and anger? Will any of it matter in a minute, a day, or a week? Anger is an instantly reactive emotion. It prevents you from thinking rationally and in the long term. So either take a deep breath, count to ten, or excuse yourself politely and just leave. Most of the time, you'll find that the person or thing that almost made you lose your cool, won't trouble you at all after a while.

And realise that a lot of the time, obnoxious people want to make you angry. They just want to provoke an outburst or negative reaction. It makes them feel big and powerful. So what's the best way to get even? Forget! Let them know that they have no power over your mood.

Don't fight

You probably know a couple or two who seem to be always fighting. Maybe your own relationship is riddled with tiffs and quarrels. Many are determined to win a verbal war that never ends. Others try to right the wrongs they have been through in the past with someone new. Unfortunately, this kind of behaviour is spiraled to failure. When we bring baggage from a former relationship into the present, all new relationships merely turn into a continuation of the past.

For some, fighting is a flame that keeps their relationships alive. It allows them to know the other cares. Unfortunately, fighting can easily become a habit, and when it does, a couple finds itself stuck. Instead of communicating effectively and addressing issues, they fall into patterns of accusation and defense. Tenderness and intimacy cannot flourish in such an environment.

So if anger and fighting seem to be the fuel that keeps your relationship going, how can you end the war?

First, you have to stop blaming. While we're pointing fingers, and making the other feel guilty, we cannot see what's really going on. We ignore the good and highlight the bad. So, instead of thinking of all the ways the person has hurt you, focus on what the person has done for you, the ways they have been kind.

You have to realize the terrible toll fighting is taking on your relationship. What it is impacting to your body, mind and spirit. Do you really want this? Haven't you and your partner suffered enough? Why not opt to be happy?

In choosing to be happy, very often you have to let go of the desire to be right. Expand your view and your heart. Would you want to be right but unhappy within?

The best defense against anger is feeling great about yourself. Build a good dose of self worth. Treat yourself well. Be appreciative to your partner. Make life colourful together. Hey you're a couple, remember? It can't be that challenging! Don't let anger make you lose sight of that. As we gather the courage to release that anger, not only do we find new ways of being fulfilled with our partner, our overall health improves. Many new people and experiences will go into your lives. You attract what you focus on and let it be love, desire and passion.

Paving Your Way To Success

We all want to be successful, and we are all potential winners. Yes, right? But why are successful people in the minority pool? That's because most of us don't have clarity to guide us towards personal success.

You want success, but do you understand why and how you want it? What does success mean in your eyes? How will success, as you define it, benefit you and those around you? Only when you get into the details, will the path towards success become clearer.

Success is the end result, the one big goal, but before we can reach it, we need to break that one big goal down into smaller, closer and realistic milestones and plans that will help us achieve those goals. What are manageable tasks you can do each day that will bring you closer to your success? Write up a daily checklist. Checking off your to-do list gives you a sense of achievement and keeps you motivated and driven. Don't be downtrodden if you fail to achieve a goal. As someone once said, "It's not a tragedy not to achieve a goal; it's a tragedy not to have that goal to achieve in the first place."

Before you can realize your success goal, you need to have the belief and manifest it that you deserve to have what you are going for! Whether it's monetary or otherwise - you manifest to have it. And understand the reasons for those goals; knowing why your goals exist makes you want them even more, you'll need this desire.

Next you need execute your plan of action. Detail exactly how your objectives will be met. And reward yourself when you achieve a certain goal. This will motivate you towards your next goal. If star footballers weren't paid obscene amounts of money for the goals they score, they'd find it that much challenging to perform in the next match.

Keep re-assessing and re-evaluating your goals. Just because your objective is valid presently doesn't equate it will remain relevant tomorrow. Assess your circumstances and adjust accordingly. You may even add new goals. Think of this as planting more seeds for greater chances of success.

And don't make the mistake of thinking that you should achieve success all by yourself. There are many resources you could use to keep yourself on the right track - you can read more self-improvement books, attend seminars, collaborate with a partner, or even get yourself a coach or a mentor. Whatever way you take, it is up to you. DO remember that as long you keep learning you will keep achieving. And even if your final goal isn't reached, the process of learning and achieving itself is a definition of success.

Journal yourself

The cove of personal wisdom may be closer than you think. As close as your nearest pen actually. That's because the single most essential instrument for nurturing your spirit is penning your own journal.

Journaling is an amazing means to help you uncover the wisdom you already possess. This hidden wisdom will surprise you at times. Other times, it will question you, challenging you. Always, it will come out from you, empowering you to trust yourself and to take action by giving you the deep-seated knowledge that you know more than you think you do.

This feeling of power and self-trust will translate into a more confident you. You will already know where to turn when faced with challenging decisions. Answers will be found within yourself, and you will return there for further instruction.

Note that there a few rules to the game of journaling yourself. You should pen quickly, and as soon as possible, allowing the words to freefall from your subconscious. Allow your writing to flow, no matter what. Don't edit, erase or cross-out any words. If you're heading in a direction you would rather shun, start a new paragraph. Put your date in each journal entry. Note the time, location, and any details regarding your mood, emotions and thoughts that will be necessary for context when you read back on your work.

After you have finished a journal entry, take a walk or get up for a glass of water, give your mind and spirit a breather, before you reread your entry, and remember to reread this entry with compassion. Followed by, write an Insight Line - a short phrase or two about what you think the piece is trying to tell you.

Get creative with the techniques you apply. Our subconscious mind usually communicates to us in a different way. If you are experiencing writer’s block and have nothing to write, try recording snippets of conversations, facts, feelings, fantasies, descriptions, impressions, quotes, images, and ideas. Draw pictures. Make a collage from cutouts. Use the technique that best suits the needs to express yourself.

Clustering is another method that works well in journaling yourself. Put the central idea in the center of the page and highlight it by circling. Then, without pause, make relations to it, placing them in new bubbles and linking them to the main idea. The result is a complex matrix of ideas mapping, many of which you didn't even know you had. This is another form of mind mapping.

Be it you set a time for writing each day or doing it on the fly, make sure the time you spend writing in your journal is time solely devoted to you and your task. Your journal is customised and designed to nurture you.