Balancing In Managing Conflict and Anger

In an increasingly complex, hectic and claustrophobic world, it's very easy for conflict to arise. Rising expectations, the soaring cost of living, and increased interaction mean more stress, and consequently, shorter tempers. This can lead to a lot of conflicts at work and at home. And we all recognize that in a state of anger, one can act irrationally and irresponsibly. Such acts can cost us our relationships, career and business prospects, and rob our peace of mind.

So when we feel like our "buttons" are being pushed, what can we do to keep our composure and reflect on the bigger picture? How can we circumvent making decisions we will regret later?

You can start by avoiding email like the plague when you're in a bad mood. This means of communication is so ubiquitous these days, we often don't think about the ramifications of using it too freely. Do you remember reading a colleague's email and thinking to yourself "Oh dear, this person is going to get into a lot of trouble!" Well, we've all experienced the creeping dread one gets when we clicked onto the "Reply To All" button without thinking. So the next time you feel like venting using email, don't. Whining to a colleague or railing at an associate is one thing, but once that email goes out, there's nothing you can do to retract it.

Pepper your replies with the phrase, "I understand". Sometimes you may feel you're being insincere because what you're feeling is anything but "understanding". But it helps to soften the edges significantly; you come across as calm and sympathetic, and the other party feels more obliged to work with you to solve the problem.

Some people find enjoyment on pushing others' "hot buttons". These people love ruffling people's feathers for the heck of it. The objective is to make you lose your cool so you say or do something foolish and irrational So do observe yourself when you feel threatened by what someone is saying to you. Resist the temptation to be defensive or to "shut down" the other person's communication. If you feel that someone is purposely trying to agitate you, calmly let the person know that you will not take part in this debate now, perhaps you can talk later, and walk away from the situation. Do not go or step into it.

We spend so much time with our co-workers, it's inevitable that dissent will occur. If you're unhappy with something, let the other person know in a calm and polite manner. Don't keep silent and allow the grudge to fester, or worse, vent your frustrations in other ways like ignoring the person or intentionally sabotaging him.

Managing conflict and anger is a delicate thing. Sometimes you feel like you're in the middle of an arid field perpetually in danger of being set alight by the unrelenting sun. Join me in the next programme when we'll talk about more ways of managing conflict and anger.