A man once wanted to get some paperwork done before he took his son to the park. To keep his son occupied until he finished his work, he tore a picture of the world out of a magazine, and then tore it into little pieces. He told his son when he had finished putting the puzzle together, they would go to the park.
Expecting this to take his son quite some time to accomplish, he was surprised when his son returned shortly thereafter with the completed puzzle.
The father asked his son, "how were you able to finish the puzzle so quickly?" His son answered him saying "there's a picture of a man on the other side, and when I put the man together, the pieces of the world just fell into place."
- Story by unknown author
How well do you know yourself?
Much of the happiness and success you deserve depends on how you scored on that question.
Knowing who you are, what you want and why you want it is the first step towards creating the life that you want. If you're highly "self-aware", you'll be able to understand why you feel and act the way you do. You'll then be able to either change the aspects you want to change or cultivate your strengths.
If you don't understand yourself, you'll find it very difficult to accept yourself. Consequently, you'll be embroiled in your internal conflicts, allowing external circumstances to determine your state of mind.
Many people look for meaning and joy in the external. They think that they'll be happy when they finally find a partner for life, get that promotion, become famous, become thin, get recognized for their work, or make loads of money.
They structure their lives based on the criteria determined by society. They become so preoccupied with meeting these criteria that they forget to listen to their inner voices, their natural instinct to create the life they deserve.
Being clear about who you are and what you want can be very empowering. The tiny box you used to live in becomes a world full of wondrous possibilities.
Thursday 20 March 2008
Managing Heartbreaks
In the aftermath of a breakup, one of the biggest mis-assumptions we make is that the road has ended for us, well, romantically anyway. We feel that we've lost the one and only love of our lives and that no one else will make us feel the way we did with this person.
Certainly at this point, we're governed more by our hearts than our heads, and the products of our hearts - our emotions - can sometimes grossly miss the mark. All the same, it's completely understandable to feel that you will never find romantic fulfillment again.
This makes us feel and do certain things - we start replaying the good times in our heads, conveniently leaving out the bad memories; we start to imagine that if they only knew we still missed them so badly, they would come back and give it another shot; you try all sorts of ways to tempt them into talking or meeting up, thinking that this will rekindle old flames and happily lead to a lifetime of bliss together.
What this usually does though, is make it harder and harder for you, or both of you, to get over the relationship. The whole thing then becomes a protracted tug-of-war of "not-knowing-when-or-who-or-what-to-believe", also known as sleepless nights wondering "what if" or what it "could've been".
Either that or the phone call or meeting turns ugly, what you get is the opposite of what you expected, and now the relationship is well and truly dead. And smelling like it too, since it wasn't allowed to stay buried. In some cases, what was simply romantic incompatibility turns into hatred and enmity. Now, not only have you lost a partner, you've gained an enemy.
When we don't allow a failed relationship to rest, we usually complicate it further by adding lies, using guilt, tears, threats, memories or shared experiences like friends or businesses. We may even use sex to get the other person back. It usually doesn't work and only serves to make you feel silly and humiliated, but such tactics are only natural? neither of you are thinking clearly.
After a breakup, the best thing to do (though most of us will find it easier squeezing blood from a rock) is to cut off all contact - no "let's be friends" pledges because it almost always backfires, no "it's ok to go out as a bigger group", no emails, no letters, no little "goodwill" presents, no "innocent" visits to the ex's family. We always think so highly of our ability to be gracious and mature following a breakup but we almost always end up acting and feeling childish and shameful.
We'll run through what we should be doing instead after a breakup, in order to heal and move on. Just keep on this blog.
Certainly at this point, we're governed more by our hearts than our heads, and the products of our hearts - our emotions - can sometimes grossly miss the mark. All the same, it's completely understandable to feel that you will never find romantic fulfillment again.
This makes us feel and do certain things - we start replaying the good times in our heads, conveniently leaving out the bad memories; we start to imagine that if they only knew we still missed them so badly, they would come back and give it another shot; you try all sorts of ways to tempt them into talking or meeting up, thinking that this will rekindle old flames and happily lead to a lifetime of bliss together.
What this usually does though, is make it harder and harder for you, or both of you, to get over the relationship. The whole thing then becomes a protracted tug-of-war of "not-knowing-when-or-who-or-what-to-believe", also known as sleepless nights wondering "what if" or what it "could've been".
Either that or the phone call or meeting turns ugly, what you get is the opposite of what you expected, and now the relationship is well and truly dead. And smelling like it too, since it wasn't allowed to stay buried. In some cases, what was simply romantic incompatibility turns into hatred and enmity. Now, not only have you lost a partner, you've gained an enemy.
When we don't allow a failed relationship to rest, we usually complicate it further by adding lies, using guilt, tears, threats, memories or shared experiences like friends or businesses. We may even use sex to get the other person back. It usually doesn't work and only serves to make you feel silly and humiliated, but such tactics are only natural? neither of you are thinking clearly.
After a breakup, the best thing to do (though most of us will find it easier squeezing blood from a rock) is to cut off all contact - no "let's be friends" pledges because it almost always backfires, no "it's ok to go out as a bigger group", no emails, no letters, no little "goodwill" presents, no "innocent" visits to the ex's family. We always think so highly of our ability to be gracious and mature following a breakup but we almost always end up acting and feeling childish and shameful.
We'll run through what we should be doing instead after a breakup, in order to heal and move on. Just keep on this blog.
Monday 17 March 2008
Stop Comparing And Take Action
You've probably, at some point in your life, compared yourself with others and ended up feeling inferior or inadequate.
Maybe you envied someone for his looks, his social skills, his position, his talents, his popularity, his car, his fame, his wealth or his built. Most of us do this without really thinking about what we're doing, but think about how often you do it.
Consistently comparing ourselves with others is very disempowering and can erode our confidence, self-worth and self esteem. This stops us from achieving all that we're capable of in life.
This is how comparing ourselves with others can hurt us:
Firstly, when we compare ourselves with someone and it makes us feel inferior, we may feel that we should be achieving the same results. Now this sounds like a positive thing - if envy can motivate us to fulfill the same goals, then why not?
Envy and inferiority are such powerful emotions that it can make us feel as though besides our goal, everything else is unimportant, even our loved ones, or moral values like honesty and integrity, even human life. Dictators and other power-hungry individuals have often been driven by envy and self-loathing to reach the pinnacle of power by any means necessary.
Envy and inferiority also cause us to blindly pursue aims that in the end, we may find we really didn't want in the first place. Our focus had been on other people's goals, what they'd wanted, what they'd achieved. Lost in a cloud of envy, we failed to think about our own aspirations and dreams.
Think about the people you might be envying - that millionaire entrepreneur, that influential politician, that top housing agent, that up-and-coming actor, that hot young athlete, that money savvy stockbroker. Deep down inside, is that what you really want or strive to be? Would you be willing to sacrifice your own passions, values, and integrity to gain what they've gained? Would you be able to give up what they'd given up in order to achieve their goals? Would you really be happy and contented if you had what they have?
When comparing ourselves with others makes us feel inadequate, we are also less likely to take action to see how much we are capable of due to being inconvenient of your own self. When we feel and think small, we're less likely to venture out, in case we get trampled on. It's much easier to tell yourself "I'll never be able to do that!" than actually taking a risk and making an attempt or taking an action. But we can only reach our peak potential by trying and taking risks and keeping at it.
If you truly want to be happy and successful, stop comparing yourself with others. Blindly chasing other people's definitions of success can never make you happy. Think about your own definition and path of success. Pursue and live your own version.
Maybe you envied someone for his looks, his social skills, his position, his talents, his popularity, his car, his fame, his wealth or his built. Most of us do this without really thinking about what we're doing, but think about how often you do it.
Consistently comparing ourselves with others is very disempowering and can erode our confidence, self-worth and self esteem. This stops us from achieving all that we're capable of in life.
This is how comparing ourselves with others can hurt us:
Firstly, when we compare ourselves with someone and it makes us feel inferior, we may feel that we should be achieving the same results. Now this sounds like a positive thing - if envy can motivate us to fulfill the same goals, then why not?
Envy and inferiority are such powerful emotions that it can make us feel as though besides our goal, everything else is unimportant, even our loved ones, or moral values like honesty and integrity, even human life. Dictators and other power-hungry individuals have often been driven by envy and self-loathing to reach the pinnacle of power by any means necessary.
Envy and inferiority also cause us to blindly pursue aims that in the end, we may find we really didn't want in the first place. Our focus had been on other people's goals, what they'd wanted, what they'd achieved. Lost in a cloud of envy, we failed to think about our own aspirations and dreams.
Think about the people you might be envying - that millionaire entrepreneur, that influential politician, that top housing agent, that up-and-coming actor, that hot young athlete, that money savvy stockbroker. Deep down inside, is that what you really want or strive to be? Would you be willing to sacrifice your own passions, values, and integrity to gain what they've gained? Would you be able to give up what they'd given up in order to achieve their goals? Would you really be happy and contented if you had what they have?
When comparing ourselves with others makes us feel inadequate, we are also less likely to take action to see how much we are capable of due to being inconvenient of your own self. When we feel and think small, we're less likely to venture out, in case we get trampled on. It's much easier to tell yourself "I'll never be able to do that!" than actually taking a risk and making an attempt or taking an action. But we can only reach our peak potential by trying and taking risks and keeping at it.
If you truly want to be happy and successful, stop comparing yourself with others. Blindly chasing other people's definitions of success can never make you happy. Think about your own definition and path of success. Pursue and live your own version.
Friday 14 March 2008
Strength Acceptance
We can often be as fearful of our strengths as we are of our weaknesses. As Nelson Mandela once said, quoting a passage by Marianne Williamson, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?"
Many of us battle with the truth of who are versus who we can be. Because our dreams seem so far away, we learn to believe that the reason is that we are not good enough. We justify our present mediocre state by admitting our own incompetence.
We deny our strengths because we're afraid that if we acknowledge them, we'd have to think about why we're not using them to become a better person, to build a better life.
People who deny their strengths usually have a low opinion of themselves, can't accept compliments graciously, shy away from opportunities, and lead unfulfilling lives because they're not getting what they truly want.
If you're serious about improving your life, you have to first acknowledge your strengths, become a more confident and self-assured person and push yourself towards your goals.
Every one of us has a unique set of talents. Before you deny this, examine more closely the person that you are. What do you love doing? What comes naturally to you? What are the good things that others say about you that you coyly brush off? You may think these things are insignificant, but each one of them can be built upon to make you a happier, more successful, and more fulfilled person. Millions of people have achieved success simply by doing what they do best and sharing it with the world.
Make a list of these strengths. Embellish them with the achievements you've made, the lessons you've learnt in life, and the knowledge you've gained. Read the list every day and really meditate on them. Think about how you can build on your key strengths to produce better results.
And you know what? Very often, the road to great success and happiness is simply achieving one small goal at a time. Nothing empowers us more than doing what we said we'd do. If let's say your talent is writing, then promise yourself to write one page a day. It's a small objective, but over time, you would have accumulated a hunk of work and improved on your writing in the process.
Connect with your strengths and work towards a better life with confidence!
Many of us battle with the truth of who are versus who we can be. Because our dreams seem so far away, we learn to believe that the reason is that we are not good enough. We justify our present mediocre state by admitting our own incompetence.
We deny our strengths because we're afraid that if we acknowledge them, we'd have to think about why we're not using them to become a better person, to build a better life.
People who deny their strengths usually have a low opinion of themselves, can't accept compliments graciously, shy away from opportunities, and lead unfulfilling lives because they're not getting what they truly want.
If you're serious about improving your life, you have to first acknowledge your strengths, become a more confident and self-assured person and push yourself towards your goals.
Every one of us has a unique set of talents. Before you deny this, examine more closely the person that you are. What do you love doing? What comes naturally to you? What are the good things that others say about you that you coyly brush off? You may think these things are insignificant, but each one of them can be built upon to make you a happier, more successful, and more fulfilled person. Millions of people have achieved success simply by doing what they do best and sharing it with the world.
Make a list of these strengths. Embellish them with the achievements you've made, the lessons you've learnt in life, and the knowledge you've gained. Read the list every day and really meditate on them. Think about how you can build on your key strengths to produce better results.
And you know what? Very often, the road to great success and happiness is simply achieving one small goal at a time. Nothing empowers us more than doing what we said we'd do. If let's say your talent is writing, then promise yourself to write one page a day. It's a small objective, but over time, you would have accumulated a hunk of work and improved on your writing in the process.
Connect with your strengths and work towards a better life with confidence!
Reasons For Being Positive
Why be positive? Well, being positive puts you in a state of mind and body for higher productivity, greater success, better health and relationships and more joy.
Just ask yourself? would you enjoy being around a perpetual sourpuss? Most people wouldn't; unless they're grouches themselves. When you're negative, with a sullen and gloomy disposition to boot, you're sending out signals to others to stay away from you. Since you seem to judge almost everything badly, people assume you'll feel the same way about them. But if your demeanour is cheerful and embracing, people naturally resonate with your open and optimistic vibe. Having a positive attitude helps you attract and develop relationships.
The body takes its cues from the mind. What the mind believes to be true, the body seeks to align itself with. That's why in clinical trials, placebos have been shown to be effective for patients who thought they were taking the real medication. This is also the reason for athletes picturing their victory even before the game starts. Even if it's all baloney, you've got nothing to lose if you think positively. On the other hand, if it's true, imagine how much damage you could do to yourself if you have a negative mentality.
When we adopt a positive outlook, we strive to look for the good in every situation. We try to find the lesson, or at least the fun. We learn to laugh at ourselves, and even in the face of adversity. We recover faster and are back on track sooner. And because we tend to see the good in everything, we also experience more joy. That's why positive persons also tend to be happy persons.
You are what you think. That's why after a lousy day, an exhausting ordeal or after receiving bad news, sometimes all it takes for you to feel a whole lot better is a line from a song, a book or magazine, or a remark by a friend; a phrase that sums up what you're feeling but shows it in a wholly different light.
I once heard that even if we didn't achieve any pleasure or joy today, at least we learnt something. Even if we didn't learn anything, at least we didn't get sick. And even if we did get sick, at least we didn't die. Indeed, most of us have a lot to be thankful for. If we can turn our attention away from what we don't have and focus on what we do, we will naturally be positive!
Developing a positive attitude will not be easy for everyone. But if you can become more conscious about when you're turning to the negative, arrest that thought and flip it over to see the positive, you're well on your way to higher productivity and joy, greater success, better health and more rewarding relationships!
Just ask yourself? would you enjoy being around a perpetual sourpuss? Most people wouldn't; unless they're grouches themselves. When you're negative, with a sullen and gloomy disposition to boot, you're sending out signals to others to stay away from you. Since you seem to judge almost everything badly, people assume you'll feel the same way about them. But if your demeanour is cheerful and embracing, people naturally resonate with your open and optimistic vibe. Having a positive attitude helps you attract and develop relationships.
The body takes its cues from the mind. What the mind believes to be true, the body seeks to align itself with. That's why in clinical trials, placebos have been shown to be effective for patients who thought they were taking the real medication. This is also the reason for athletes picturing their victory even before the game starts. Even if it's all baloney, you've got nothing to lose if you think positively. On the other hand, if it's true, imagine how much damage you could do to yourself if you have a negative mentality.
When we adopt a positive outlook, we strive to look for the good in every situation. We try to find the lesson, or at least the fun. We learn to laugh at ourselves, and even in the face of adversity. We recover faster and are back on track sooner. And because we tend to see the good in everything, we also experience more joy. That's why positive persons also tend to be happy persons.
You are what you think. That's why after a lousy day, an exhausting ordeal or after receiving bad news, sometimes all it takes for you to feel a whole lot better is a line from a song, a book or magazine, or a remark by a friend; a phrase that sums up what you're feeling but shows it in a wholly different light.
I once heard that even if we didn't achieve any pleasure or joy today, at least we learnt something. Even if we didn't learn anything, at least we didn't get sick. And even if we did get sick, at least we didn't die. Indeed, most of us have a lot to be thankful for. If we can turn our attention away from what we don't have and focus on what we do, we will naturally be positive!
Developing a positive attitude will not be easy for everyone. But if you can become more conscious about when you're turning to the negative, arrest that thought and flip it over to see the positive, you're well on your way to higher productivity and joy, greater success, better health and more rewarding relationships!
Realigning Your Life & Be Focused On It
We all go through times in our lives when we feel a little disoriented. It could be simply due to exhaustion, the result of taking on too many jobs and obligations. It could be after a major crisis. Or it could be doing the things you feel you should be doing, instead of the things that really matter to you. All this can take a toll on our energy level, our motivation to get through each day.
Whatever the reason, if you're feeling a little out-of-whack, and you haven't a clue why, it may be time to start re-focusing your life.
This means taking a step back, taking a deep breath, evaluating your life, and listening to your inner voice. Now for some people, this means taking a holiday, which is fine if it works for you. For others, a vacation may mean additional stress - the stress of preparing your work to go on when you're gone, planning where to go, where to stay, and the withdrawal symptoms when you get back.
A holiday is great if it gives you the time and space to relax and re-prioritise your life. If not, you can refocus your life right now.
The best thing you can do for your body is to give it enough rest. This has to be done before any refocusing can begin. In such competitive, fast-paced times, most of us are not getting the amount of rest we need. Many of us might think that we can get away with five or six hours of sleep a day, just because we don't feel tired for the rest of the day. But this is simply our bodies getting used to less sleep, not necessarily an indication of what our bodies actually need to perform at their peak.
Get enough sleep, at least the eight hours recommended amount a day, and you'll find that you can think more clearly, work more efficiently, and have more energy and motivation.
Next, examine your life schedule and re-evaluate your priorities. What's taking up your time and your energy? Are they productive? Are they improving you in any way? Are they things you enjoy or at least things that make you money or develop relationships? Are there any time and spirit wasters that you feel are your obligations? Be stringent with your evaluations and throw out the tasks that are not benefitting you.
And figure out how you're using your time. True, a day's hours are finite, but if you examine your daily actions, you'll find some things that take up more than their fair share of your time. For example, do you find yourself checking your email several times a day and typing out detailed, carefully-worded essays? Are you sending, re-sending, and forwarding your time away?
Identify other aspects of your life which may be wasting your time and energy. These are the little leeches sucking the life from you. Get rid of them, and refocus your priorities on things that truly fulfill you.
Whatever the reason, if you're feeling a little out-of-whack, and you haven't a clue why, it may be time to start re-focusing your life.
This means taking a step back, taking a deep breath, evaluating your life, and listening to your inner voice. Now for some people, this means taking a holiday, which is fine if it works for you. For others, a vacation may mean additional stress - the stress of preparing your work to go on when you're gone, planning where to go, where to stay, and the withdrawal symptoms when you get back.
A holiday is great if it gives you the time and space to relax and re-prioritise your life. If not, you can refocus your life right now.
The best thing you can do for your body is to give it enough rest. This has to be done before any refocusing can begin. In such competitive, fast-paced times, most of us are not getting the amount of rest we need. Many of us might think that we can get away with five or six hours of sleep a day, just because we don't feel tired for the rest of the day. But this is simply our bodies getting used to less sleep, not necessarily an indication of what our bodies actually need to perform at their peak.
Get enough sleep, at least the eight hours recommended amount a day, and you'll find that you can think more clearly, work more efficiently, and have more energy and motivation.
Next, examine your life schedule and re-evaluate your priorities. What's taking up your time and your energy? Are they productive? Are they improving you in any way? Are they things you enjoy or at least things that make you money or develop relationships? Are there any time and spirit wasters that you feel are your obligations? Be stringent with your evaluations and throw out the tasks that are not benefitting you.
And figure out how you're using your time. True, a day's hours are finite, but if you examine your daily actions, you'll find some things that take up more than their fair share of your time. For example, do you find yourself checking your email several times a day and typing out detailed, carefully-worded essays? Are you sending, re-sending, and forwarding your time away?
Identify other aspects of your life which may be wasting your time and energy. These are the little leeches sucking the life from you. Get rid of them, and refocus your priorities on things that truly fulfill you.
Reality Check
If I were to ask you to think of the one thing you would most like to change in your life right now, what would it be?
How much better off would you be with that change actually occurring? And why hasn't it? Changing for the better is a three step process:
First, you need to be aware of the need for change. Second, you must be ready and willing to change. And third, you need to take action.
There's nothing complicated about it, but most people don't even get to that first step. Most of us are stuck in that place where we know that something is preventing us from being happier, healthier, more loving, more successful people. Some of us may even know what that thing is. But we fail to recognize just how crucial it is for us to make that change happen. Some of us refuse to see it. Whatever it is, we go on like this day after day, not making the changes that will lift us out of boredom, out of mediocrity, out of financial anxiety, out of tepid relationships, and into what we truly desire!
Why? Because we think it's too hard. And you know what, that's just it. We think it's too hard. It's the thinking! We think it's too hard and that's why it is so. The law of attraction states that our thoughts either bring us closer to or take us away from the things we want. So what if we were to think it was easy, something that could very well be happening in front of our eyes? What if we were to think, live and breathe the life we wanted?
The reason why most of us cannot effectively think success into reality is because since we were kids, we've been steadily overtaxing our brains with encumbering thoughts. These are debilitating beliefs that we've absorbed from people, events and experiences in our lives that have been deeply impressed upon our memory banks. And it's from these banks that we continue to draw on in our daily lives, referring to them whenever an opportunity presents itself. We believe that failure in future is likely just because we've failed in the past. And you know what happens? We continue to fail.
But what if we transform these old thought patterns into new, healthy, positive, life and success-affirming ones? Won't the mind work in the same way to turn these positive thoughts into positive realities? It's really the same software, but we're keying in different data. How different would the final design be?
So key in a whole new set of data into your brain. Change those beliefs about yourself. Instead of seeing and feeling yourself not getting what you want in life, see and feel yourself already living it! You'll be closer to your goals in no time.
Alternatively, you may read on article on Managing Your Mind to know how you can condition your mind positively
How much better off would you be with that change actually occurring? And why hasn't it? Changing for the better is a three step process:
First, you need to be aware of the need for change. Second, you must be ready and willing to change. And third, you need to take action.
There's nothing complicated about it, but most people don't even get to that first step. Most of us are stuck in that place where we know that something is preventing us from being happier, healthier, more loving, more successful people. Some of us may even know what that thing is. But we fail to recognize just how crucial it is for us to make that change happen. Some of us refuse to see it. Whatever it is, we go on like this day after day, not making the changes that will lift us out of boredom, out of mediocrity, out of financial anxiety, out of tepid relationships, and into what we truly desire!
Why? Because we think it's too hard. And you know what, that's just it. We think it's too hard. It's the thinking! We think it's too hard and that's why it is so. The law of attraction states that our thoughts either bring us closer to or take us away from the things we want. So what if we were to think it was easy, something that could very well be happening in front of our eyes? What if we were to think, live and breathe the life we wanted?
The reason why most of us cannot effectively think success into reality is because since we were kids, we've been steadily overtaxing our brains with encumbering thoughts. These are debilitating beliefs that we've absorbed from people, events and experiences in our lives that have been deeply impressed upon our memory banks. And it's from these banks that we continue to draw on in our daily lives, referring to them whenever an opportunity presents itself. We believe that failure in future is likely just because we've failed in the past. And you know what happens? We continue to fail.
But what if we transform these old thought patterns into new, healthy, positive, life and success-affirming ones? Won't the mind work in the same way to turn these positive thoughts into positive realities? It's really the same software, but we're keying in different data. How different would the final design be?
So key in a whole new set of data into your brain. Change those beliefs about yourself. Instead of seeing and feeling yourself not getting what you want in life, see and feel yourself already living it! You'll be closer to your goals in no time.
Alternatively, you may read on article on Managing Your Mind to know how you can condition your mind positively
Saturday 8 March 2008
The 4 Basic Steps Of Journey Of Life
Lao Tzu, a Chinese philosopher once said "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."
Do you know that we learn and grow by taking one step at a time in our journey of life? We may fall down, but we recover and take another step. That is the only way to learn and continue growing. In such a fast-paced modern world, however, some of us forget that basic principle. We try to run or avoid, inevitably trip and take a very painful tumble.
Some of us put off this journey of self-discovery and empowerment; we model ourselves against other people, we learn to suppress our genuine selves in order to fit in, we are scared perhaps that if we opened ourselves up and looked in, we might not like what we see.
Well, like it or not, that's a risk we all have to face. With high risk comes high rewards or a big loss. Unfortunately, most of us prefer to live in denial. We go about thinking the best or the worst of ourselves, until one day we fall down into the dumps and we actually have to face ourselves. Who are you? What makes you special? What makes you YOU, a unique one?
There are four basic steps that we need to follow on the journey of life.
Step One - Be prepared to look at yourself and admit that every bruise, every fall is all your doing also known as personal responsibility.
Step Two - Surrender, let go of the idea that you should control every event, and have faith that everything you ask will be given to you also known as self manifestation.
Step Three - Sit down every day and journal. Start a journal and every day record the events of the day, paying attention to your reactions to events, experiences, and people and detailed the scenarios. Catalog your reactions for what they were, whether they be anger, jealousy, resentment, joy, love, or self-pity. Refer to the blog on Journaling Yourself for more details.
By identifying your reaction and classifying it as your reaction to an event, you will come to discover why you are acting as you are. Why you would react angrily in a situation that does not require anger; your own feelings and responsibilities.
Step Four – Ask yourself why. "Why do I have that particular feeling in that situation?", "What is my deeper hidden reaction about this type of situation?". Start journaling your "why's" in a separate book. In this book, jot all your experiences and incidents of your past and how you reacted to them.
You will soon begin to see that your current reactions can be traced back to past situations. Sooner or later we must admit that all our reactions are a result of our desires, expectations and ego. Once you can trace your weaknesses, you will find ways to handle them in a more constructive and positive way.
Do you know that we learn and grow by taking one step at a time in our journey of life? We may fall down, but we recover and take another step. That is the only way to learn and continue growing. In such a fast-paced modern world, however, some of us forget that basic principle. We try to run or avoid, inevitably trip and take a very painful tumble.
Some of us put off this journey of self-discovery and empowerment; we model ourselves against other people, we learn to suppress our genuine selves in order to fit in, we are scared perhaps that if we opened ourselves up and looked in, we might not like what we see.
Well, like it or not, that's a risk we all have to face. With high risk comes high rewards or a big loss. Unfortunately, most of us prefer to live in denial. We go about thinking the best or the worst of ourselves, until one day we fall down into the dumps and we actually have to face ourselves. Who are you? What makes you special? What makes you YOU, a unique one?
There are four basic steps that we need to follow on the journey of life.
Step One - Be prepared to look at yourself and admit that every bruise, every fall is all your doing also known as personal responsibility.
Step Two - Surrender, let go of the idea that you should control every event, and have faith that everything you ask will be given to you also known as self manifestation.
Step Three - Sit down every day and journal. Start a journal and every day record the events of the day, paying attention to your reactions to events, experiences, and people and detailed the scenarios. Catalog your reactions for what they were, whether they be anger, jealousy, resentment, joy, love, or self-pity. Refer to the blog on Journaling Yourself for more details.
By identifying your reaction and classifying it as your reaction to an event, you will come to discover why you are acting as you are. Why you would react angrily in a situation that does not require anger; your own feelings and responsibilities.
Step Four – Ask yourself why. "Why do I have that particular feeling in that situation?", "What is my deeper hidden reaction about this type of situation?". Start journaling your "why's" in a separate book. In this book, jot all your experiences and incidents of your past and how you reacted to them.
You will soon begin to see that your current reactions can be traced back to past situations. Sooner or later we must admit that all our reactions are a result of our desires, expectations and ego. Once you can trace your weaknesses, you will find ways to handle them in a more constructive and positive way.
Thursday 6 March 2008
Minimising Hypertension
There are many causes of hypertension or high blood pressure but one of the most common is stress. That's why it's so important for us to learn how to effectively manage stress and to devote adequate time to relaxing. Some people just can't seem to do this; they feel they always have to be in control or they have to be productive all the time or there's always some issue they can't seem to let go of. These people are at high risk of developing high blood pressure.
Are you one of these people? Consider these questions:
Do you usually feel a sense of urgency to accomplish more and more things in less and less time?
Are you easily frustrated by people or systems which don't seem to be operating at their maximum efficiency?
Do you often bring work home?
Do you feel you have to be in control all the time? Do you feel you have to be right all the time? Do you always feel the pressure to win?
Do you feel the pressure to get things done, no matter how tired you are or how late it is?
Do you think doing nothing is a sin?
If you answered "Yes" to most or even all those questions, then you're in very real danger of developing hypertension. You probably can't relax and enjoy what you've accomplished because you're too busy thinking about what more you can do, what you're going to do next, how you can maximize your gains, and so on.
Not that there's anything wrong with seeking perfection and striving to do your best, but what this kind of over-achiever often fails to notice is where he's reached the tipping point; when he is actually doing real harm to his health.
As with most other afflictions, the first and most crucial thing for you to do is to acknowledge that you have a problem. It can be near impossible to do, since you have such high standards for yourself. But a train can only maintain maximum speed for so long before the engine begins to overheat.
Minimising hypertension is not simply taking a vacation every now and then. It has to be a sustained and regular programme of relaxation and reminding yourself that it's ok to let some things go.
Are you one of these people? Consider these questions:
Do you usually feel a sense of urgency to accomplish more and more things in less and less time?
Are you easily frustrated by people or systems which don't seem to be operating at their maximum efficiency?
Do you often bring work home?
Do you feel you have to be in control all the time? Do you feel you have to be right all the time? Do you always feel the pressure to win?
Do you feel the pressure to get things done, no matter how tired you are or how late it is?
Do you think doing nothing is a sin?
If you answered "Yes" to most or even all those questions, then you're in very real danger of developing hypertension. You probably can't relax and enjoy what you've accomplished because you're too busy thinking about what more you can do, what you're going to do next, how you can maximize your gains, and so on.
Not that there's anything wrong with seeking perfection and striving to do your best, but what this kind of over-achiever often fails to notice is where he's reached the tipping point; when he is actually doing real harm to his health.
As with most other afflictions, the first and most crucial thing for you to do is to acknowledge that you have a problem. It can be near impossible to do, since you have such high standards for yourself. But a train can only maintain maximum speed for so long before the engine begins to overheat.
Minimising hypertension is not simply taking a vacation every now and then. It has to be a sustained and regular programme of relaxation and reminding yourself that it's ok to let some things go.
Tuesday 4 March 2008
Three Principles of Fulfilling Relationships
There are three principles that we should understand well before committing to any romantic relationship. If you're already in a relationship, studying these principles intimately and practicing them will help ensure a lasting, satisfying relationship.
Unrealistic expectations are usually what drive a couple apart, so the first principle to understand is that your partner does not owe you your happiness. This may sound strange because why else would we want to enter relationships if not to find happiness?
Sure, we should derive joy from our relationships but our partner should not bear the duty of giving us joy. Joy should be the spontaneous consequence of two people sharing feelings of love for each other, not the result of one party constantly striving to fulfill the other's needs. When we expect our partner to make us happy, we set up opportunities for failure, and each time our partner fails to meet our demands, we lose respect and affection for him or her. Besides, love doesn't mean consistently giving in to our demands. And love doesn't mean always making us happy. What gives our joy may not always be in our best interests. And love can sometimes mean hardship and pain.
The second principle for fulfilling relationships is to love your partner for who they are. Don't love a fantasy version of them you hope will emerge in the future. Many people enter a relationship thinking that in time, their partners will change, but this often doesn't happen. Your partner entered the relationship believing that this is what you fell in love with. He or she doesn't see any reason to change.
Loving your partner for who they are also means accepting their flaws, or what you deem to be flaws. Each person has attractive qualities as well as some habits or characteristics we may not find so beguiling. But we should love our partners in spite of the qualities we don't appreciate as much as the others. There is no perfect lover, like there is no perfect gadget. You're always going to have to trade off certain features for other ones you find more suited to you. And when you run into conflict over those undesirable features, your love for the whole product should be more than enough to make you overlook the flaws and still embrace your partner. So ask yourself "If my partner upsets me, will I be able to look past the words and actions and still love the person?"
The third and final principle is to love and respect yourself as much as you love and respect your partner. This is because if you feel inadequate compared to your partner, you might become obsessed with fulfilling his or her needs and neglect your own. Over time, your partner will learn to take you for granted and you will no doubt begin to feel like you got the short end of the stick.
Maintaining fulfilling relationships is no easy job, but understanding and practising these three principles should help you a great deal.
Unrealistic expectations are usually what drive a couple apart, so the first principle to understand is that your partner does not owe you your happiness. This may sound strange because why else would we want to enter relationships if not to find happiness?
Sure, we should derive joy from our relationships but our partner should not bear the duty of giving us joy. Joy should be the spontaneous consequence of two people sharing feelings of love for each other, not the result of one party constantly striving to fulfill the other's needs. When we expect our partner to make us happy, we set up opportunities for failure, and each time our partner fails to meet our demands, we lose respect and affection for him or her. Besides, love doesn't mean consistently giving in to our demands. And love doesn't mean always making us happy. What gives our joy may not always be in our best interests. And love can sometimes mean hardship and pain.
The second principle for fulfilling relationships is to love your partner for who they are. Don't love a fantasy version of them you hope will emerge in the future. Many people enter a relationship thinking that in time, their partners will change, but this often doesn't happen. Your partner entered the relationship believing that this is what you fell in love with. He or she doesn't see any reason to change.
Loving your partner for who they are also means accepting their flaws, or what you deem to be flaws. Each person has attractive qualities as well as some habits or characteristics we may not find so beguiling. But we should love our partners in spite of the qualities we don't appreciate as much as the others. There is no perfect lover, like there is no perfect gadget. You're always going to have to trade off certain features for other ones you find more suited to you. And when you run into conflict over those undesirable features, your love for the whole product should be more than enough to make you overlook the flaws and still embrace your partner. So ask yourself "If my partner upsets me, will I be able to look past the words and actions and still love the person?"
The third and final principle is to love and respect yourself as much as you love and respect your partner. This is because if you feel inadequate compared to your partner, you might become obsessed with fulfilling his or her needs and neglect your own. Over time, your partner will learn to take you for granted and you will no doubt begin to feel like you got the short end of the stick.
Maintaining fulfilling relationships is no easy job, but understanding and practising these three principles should help you a great deal.
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