How to attract success

Each and everyone wants success.

Some of us spend their every waking moment chasing after it, to the detriment of everything else. On the other end of the spectrum are individuals who feel that success is hard to reach. They conclude that it is destined for a selected few only, while the rest of us in between are contented with whatever we have. We may desire greater success, but we believe somehow we are not 'fated' or 'destined' to achieve it.

However, these assumptions couldn't be further from the truth. When one strive for success with the wrong assumptions, one will never reach it. It's similar to one trying to reach a destination with the wrong map.

Success can't be hurried, be caught or found it by chance. It can't be inherited, gate-crashed, or taken it from someone else. Success is something you must work hard and long to earn, for yourself. It has a price, sometimes a very high one. And most people aren't really and truly ready to pay that price, to do what success demands and requires.

To achieve success, first you must know that success is a process empowered with a right attitude and positive mindset. It requires time and patience. There are no short cuts while anything else is just a temporary illusion. Success that will remain with you and bring you joy rather than sorrow, requires a learning process, a time to grow out of grow habits and into new ones, a time to learn what works and unlearn what doesn't. So don't rush or be in a hurry.

In order to attain success, traits and skills must be acquired to attract it. What is your defination of success? What kind of traits or skill sets will you need to achieve your goal? Come out with plans to acquire the needed traits and skill sets. Learn to do what you need to do, to get where you want to go. Develop your own success principles. Find two or three people who have what you want. Jot down the habits and their success principles that have made them successful and resolve to digest it into your own context.

Once you've made up your mind to achieve success, you must be ready to travel the road to success oftentimes alone. Author Les Brown once said, "At some point in time, the pursuit of your goals becomes secondary and what you have become in the process is what is most important" When infants reach for the toy that their parents have placed some distance away, it's not the toy that's the prize; it's simply the motivation for the child to learn something more important, something more lasting, and that is to learn to crawl and of course, to finally walk and run!!. It's to strengthen their muscles so that they can reach for other goals in life.

Anyone can succeed, but not every one will. Success will differs for each individual. It's your definition, decision and attitude that determines what success is to you!!

Attitude of Success

When we're new to the game, conventional wisdom may instruct us to start small and act modest, charge less and compromise ourselves to meet the client's demands.

And many continue like this for years. We think that we will get more gigs because we're "nice", we're "flexible" or we're "inexpensive". But are these simply euphemisms for being "timid", "easily bullied" and "cheap"?

Many of us are not making the leap from novice to professional or from mediocre to iconic simply because we keep selling ourselves short. All indicators may suggest a high level of competence, knowledge and experience on your part, but because you don't take yourself seriously, you think that others don't take you seriously either.

As a result, you take on client you can get, agree to work when you'd really rather not, reduce your fees and your terms just to please your client, and offer freebies and so on when the clients doesn't seem immediately interested.

You may think that this will make you "easier", "less expensive" and therefore more popular option, but the message that you're really sending out is that you're desperate. By continually offering discounts, you're also suggesting to people that your quality is not good enough.

If your client is not paying you your full fee todays, it's unlikely that he'll pay you your full fee in future. Nor is he likely to recommend you to others. The message of mediocrity that you send out via your attitude and rates will doom you to a lifetime of insignificant returns.

So chuck out the "mediocre" mentality today and start behaving successful. Whether you're really "successful" or not, start behaving that way! It's the attitude, the way you carry yourself, and how much you yourself value yourself that will catch on with your clients and others.

Just think about it, if you really were successful and in high demand, then you would be charging more for your precious time, wouldn't you? Your clients would gladly fir themselves around your schedule because they want the best. The best is in high demand and is therefore not easily available.

All the big brands have always known this philosophy of "behaving successful". They are able to charge a premium simply because they walk and talk like they're worth it. Of course, real substance counts too, but in this world where competition is fiercer every passing day and the field is being increasingly levelled, how you sell yourself is what sets you apart from the rest.

Visualising Creatively

Creative Visualisation is a tried and true technique that helps you create the things you want in life. Creative Visualisation is the art of sending an image to your subconscious mind. Your subconscious mind then creates your reality based on the messages that you send to it.

The key to understanding how creative visualisation works is to first understand that your subconscious mind does not know what is real and what is fiction. It simply creates your reality based on the image that you visualise.

So if you visualise yourself struggling, poor, unhappy, alone or depressed, then this is the reality that your subconscious mind creates. There have been many books written on creative visualisation all of which tell you that if you visualise you will create the things you want. Some people view this with suspicion. Some give it a try, but are disappointed that it doesn't yield results immediately.

Well, like most other life-affirming practices, like adopting an attitude of gratitude or journaling, visualisation requires commitment, time, and faith to produce any discernible benefits. In order to get the most out of visualisation, all your other messages to your subconscious mind have to be in agreement with what you visualise. In other words, there is no room for skepticism. Once you've decided to visualise creatively to improve your life, be sure to give it your full dedication.

Think of it this way. You're in a boat and there are a number of people rowing this boat for you. You tell one of them to row in a certain way so that you go in a certain direction. But if all the other people rowing for you are going in the opposite direction - that one person rowing will have little or no impact. The boat will never go the way you want.

When you work with Creative Visualisation, tap into all your powers to send a tidal wave of positive energy to your subconscious mind. Begin to see yourself living the life you want - happy, healthy, positive, loving, energized, productive, and successful.

Happy visualizing!

Choices And Decisions

We're always making choices. How we will use our time, how we're going to get to our destination, what we're going to have for lunch, what colours should be used for our logo, what proposal should be dumped and which one should be taken up. Every step that we take presents us with an option of "Yes" or "No".

All these decisions, or in the case of some of us, in-decision, affects our happiness. How consciously do we make our choices? What happens when we can't make a definite "Yes" or "No" is that we become stuck in the wilderness of "Maybe" land. When we spend too much time in this place, we allow others to decide how our lives should be led. Here we have no hope for fulfillment because when things go well, we can't take the credit. And when things go awry, we blame ourselves for trusting the judgement of another.

Imagine that your partner or friend prefers to watch a particular movie and you'd really like to see another but you don't say anything. You give your partner or friend a weak "maybe", "it doesn't matter" or a reluctant "oh ok?" Later, you feel resentful and angry because this always seems to happen and you "never get to see the movie that you want to see."

Sometimes we justify this by believing that we don't assert ourselves because we are easy-going or generous. If this is the case, then why do we subsequently feel lousy and on the losing end?

Now, asserting yourself doesn't mean being demanding or unreasonable. By all means, empower yourself by expressing your feelings clearly, but be ready to negotiate or occasionally give in or come to a compromise. The important thing is simply to make your feelings known. Hiding behind a mask of indifference creates a lot of inner tension which may explode in the future.

It's very important to empower yourself to make conscious choices to create the relationships and life that you want. A lot of people feel anger and resentment toward others but what they're actually feeling is resentment towards themselves for not having the courage to go for what they really want.

Whenever you're faced with a decision, take the time to go within yourself and ask yourself what you really want. Is it true that it doesn't matter? Is it something you can take lightly? Or something you feel strongly about? When you evaluate your options consciously and express your feelings clearly, you'll feel more empowered, and as a result, move confidently toward creating the kind of relationships and life that you want.

Saint Valentine's Wish

Today, millions of people around the world celebrate one of the most profound blessings that life has to offer - mutual love. And as you honour that love today, here are some things I wish all couples remember always?

"I love you" is easily spoken, but waking up an hour earlier to prepare breakfast for you is something else!

When you're in love, you never question the meaning of life.

The greatest gift is one's time.

If you truly love someone, you can never grow old.

Don't just focus on the action? try to understand the spirit behind the action.

To keep the loving cup full, give a sincere compliment each day.

When you're giving everything, you've got nothing to lose.

Though much ugliness, violence, darkness and hatred is possible in this world, someone is holding your hand.

Money can always be earned, but a beautiful moment, once past, will never return.

The most wonderful thing you can do with someone you love? is absolutely nothing!

The next time you're moved to anger, think about how you'd feel if this person were no longer in your life.

Don't save anything for a special day or occasion. If you have something good to do, say or give, do it now.

It's easy to love someone for his/her strengths, but it takes true courage to love someone for his/her weaknesses.

Each time you part, there's a possibility you might never see each other again, so part in love.

And finally, remember? that despite not being linked by blood, you have found someone who will love, live, laugh, and cry with you... and that itself is a miraculous thing.

Gift Of Insults

There once lived a great warrior. Though quite old, he was still able to defeat any challenger. His reputation extended far and wide throughout the land and many students gathered to study under him.

One day an infamous young warrior arrived at the village. He was determined to be the first man to defeat the great master.

Along with his strength, he had an uncanny ability to spot and exploit any weakness in an opponent. He would wait for his opponent to make the first move, thus revealing a weakness, and then would strike with merciless force and lightning speed. No one had ever lasted with him in a match beyond the first move.

Much against the advice of his concerned students, the old master gladly accepted the young warrior's challenge.

As the two squared off for battle, the young warrior began to hurl insults at the old master. He threw dirt and spit in his face. For hours he verbally assaulted him with every curse and insult known to mankind.

But the old warrior merely stood there motionless and calm. Finally, the young warrior exhausted himself. Knowing he was defeated, he left feeling shamed.

Somewhat disappointed that he did not fight the insolent youth, the students gathered around the old master and questioned him. "How could you endure such an indignity? How did you drive him away?"

The old warrior replied, "My opponent came to give me a gift - a gift of insults. But if someone comes to give you a gift and you do not receive it, to whom then does the gift belong?"

Focus In Your Breathworks

One of the disadvantages of living in such a stimulation-rich world is our loss of focus. In an environment where we are consistently being bombarded with messages, worries, judgements, deadlines and so on, it's very easy for us to lose touch of what's truly important to us. Have we been influenced, or "brain-washed" to live lives that we don't really find fulfilling, simply because we've been told to, people expect us to, or which we've been conditioned to believe is good or right?

Are you continuing in an unrewarding, dead-end job because you think you need the money? Are you in a relationship because you can't bear being alone? Do you try to accommodate everybody's desires because you think that makes you more likeable? Do you speak, behave, dress or even think in a certain way because it presents the least amount of resistance? Do you even ask yourself what you truly want anymore?

Stuart Wilde, noted author of "The Winds of Change", tells us of what he terms 'the tribe'. We all belong to a tribe, so to speak - a group of peers that we can relate to in some way or other. We may be single, a father, Hindu, Eurasian, a sales executive, a daughter, a member of a certain church, a teacher, a politician, and so on. And each group we belong to dictates, to a certain extent, what we will think, what we will wear, where we are to live, how we make a living. It will try to keep us in a tidy little box.

Being part of the human tribe keeps us all working very hard just to make a living, while media messages keep our minds directed at purchasing. As a result, what happens to the bulk of our hard-earned savings? Yes, you guessed it. It goes into stuff we don't really need. Stuff that doesn't fulfill us on a deeper level.

One good and simple way for us to connect and grow with our inner self is through the breath. The breath is vital to your life. Breath is used to relax the body and mind, to take us to a high state of peace, to change our energy, our outlook, and thus our experiences.

Let's say that your spouse comes home after a bad day at work. You only got home not long before yourself. Your loved one does not seem so loving, and responds curtly to you. What do you do? Your day wasn't any easier. Do you jump into the tension of the situation? Or do you take a moment to breathe, re-focus your energy and create a better environment?

There is always a chance to change - to make a different choice. By consciously taking a breath and focusing on it, your mind gets a moment to refresh. By using your breath as a focusing tool, rediscover what it truly means to be you, to live and to love.

A Touch Of Humour In Challenging Times

What is this thing called humour? We understand laughter well enough. And we know when we find something funny. But what makes something amusing? What do we mean when we say someone has a good sense of humour? And how can we use humour during tough times as instant pick-me-ups?

Author Leo Buscaglia said that "when you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot, hang on, and swing!"

Humour can be a powerful motivating tool. We may not be able to laugh our way through adversity, but a sense of humour can lessen anxiety, alleviate tensions, and help us adapt when stressful changes occur. Besides, laughter contributes to good health, which you probably know by now.

You could think of humour as a way of existing in, interacting with, and perceiving the world. It's a pair of orange-tinted, star-shaped spectacles that you can put on in times of frustration. It immediately lightens the mood and gives you a fresh view.

Having a sense of humour doesn't mean you have to be funny. Whether something is funny or not is subjective anyway. A sense of humour goes beyond laughter. It is more profound than comedy. And it's more rewarding than merely being entertaining.

A person with a sense of humour is able to see the fun in common experiences, and the light in dark days. Having a sense of humour is being able to take the Mickey out of stressful people, demanding situations, and the ugly side of life. It is the ability to nimbly sidestep potential flashpoints. It's about disarming, then surprising. It's a weapon of the underdog.

Job stress is something many of us face. Just remember that when it comes to work, you are not your job. No doubt you should take your work seriously, but your job is what you do. It's not who you are. Never let your job become your life.

A good and simple way to develop a sense of humour is to collect and remember things you find funny. Jokes that come to you via email, a humourous quote you come across in a magazine, a mis-spelt word on a sign, a comic strip, a photo that cracks you up. Look for the ironic and satirical in people and in events. Turn the person who annoys you at work into a comedian. Then, it's comic relief each time he or she tries to frustrate you!

I say collect "things", but you know, people can be funny. Make friends who tend to make you laugh! Try to laugh as much as you can everyday. Make others laugh too. Humour is never having to apologise even when you're being corny. Make your environment filled with fun and laughter.

I like how actress and comedian Lily Tomlin put it when she said, "Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest. Then we can all die laughing!"

Feel Good Factor

Some of us were born with obvious talent in some area. For the rest of us though, it can be unclear exactly what we're good at. We may go through the early part of our lives feeling mediocre or even below average, because other kids seem to have innate gifts that we don't seem to possess.

Well, we're all good at something. We're not all geniuses, of course, but we're all born with, or have the ability to develop, the aptitude to do exceptionally well in some sphere. Some of us just haven't discovered it yet. Or perhaps we simply don't recognise it as a talent.

Some of us find it difficult to feel good about ourselves also because we talk negatively to ourselves. Some of us take criticism badly. Some of us are so insecure that we rarely venture beyond what we're used to. As a result, we become trapped, not daring to try anything new, yet wishing for things to become better.

Once you've convinced yourself that you're good for nothing, it can be difficult to restore a healthy sense of self-worth. But here are a few simple things you can do to help you feel better about yourself.

Remember when you were a child playing at the beach? And you built your first sandcastle? It might have looked more like the ruins of a sandcastle, but it made you feel good. There was a sense of "Hey, look what I did!".

Think of ways you can feel this way again. Look around you, at home, at work; try to discover new and more effective ways of doing things. Maybe you could re-organise your space. Put up some curtains. When someone asks for your advice on something, don't see it as an inconvenience. Share your knowledge! Assemble a shelf. Try a new recipe. Maybe even create one! Paint a picture.

You don't have to announce your accomplishment to the world. Whether people know about your achievements or not is not important. The quest for external validation is what made you feel inferior in the first place.

As you try out new things, you'll discover what you're good at, or what you have genuine talent in. It doesn't have to be a grand or revered skill. Just something that gives you a sense of achievement. Cultivate that ability, and feel the joy and passion of living returning to you.

The Old Man And His Shoe

One day an old man boarded a bus. As he was going up the steps, one of his shoes slipped off. The door closed and the bus moved off so he was unable to retrieve it. The old man calmly took off his other shoe and threw it out of the window.

A young man on the bus saw what happened, and could not help going up to the old man and asking, "I noticed what you did, sir. Why did you throw out your other shoe?"

The old man promptly replied, "So that whoever finds them will be able to use them."

The old man in the story understood a fundamental philosophy for life - do not hold on to something simply for the sake of possessing it or because you do not wish others to have it. We lose things all the time. The loss may seem to us grievous and unjust initially, but loss only happens so that positive changes can occur in our lives. We should not always assume that losing something is bad, because if things do not shift, we'll never become better people or experience better things. That's not to say of course that we only lose "bad" things; it simply means that in order for us to mature emotionally and spiritually, and for us to contribute to the world, the interchange between loss and gain is necessary.

Like the old man in the story, we have to learn to let go. The world had decided that it was time for the old man to lose his shoe. Maybe this happened to add momentum to a series of events leading to a better pair of shoes for the old man. Maybe the search for another pair of shoes would lead the old man to a great benefactor. Maybe the world decided that someone else needed the shoes more.

Whatever the reason, we can't avoid losing things. The old man understood this. One of his shoes had gone out of his reach. The remaining shoe would not have been much help to him, but it would be a cherished gift to a homeless person desperately in need of protection from the ground. Hoarding possessions does nothing to make us or the world better. We all have to decide constantly if some things or people have run their course in our lives or would be better off with others. We then have to muster the courage to give them away.

Strength in Gentleness and Kindness

A line from a song by legendary English band The Smiths goes "It takes strength to be gentle and kind".

Now, gentleness and kindness are qualities which are hardly socially thought of as being characteristic of strength.

Yet, when you think about it? it certainly takes a lot to be gentle, and even more to be kind. There is much selfishness, anger, and resentment in the world, and one's reaction to harshness is likely to be equally severe or damaging.

To respond to hostility with gentleness requires considerable faith in humanity and courage of the spirit. As for kindness, well, most people are too busy thinking of themselves to bother.

Antagonism and hostility encourage the creation of more negative feelings, both in the perpetrator and the receiver. Gentleness and kindness on the other hand, inspire joy, love, compassion and peace.

Moreover, giving without expectation gives us great happiness and satisfaction. Nothing makes our day more than a genuine compliment, a sincere pat on the back, an earnest hug, or a favour from a colleague. Do you get those often? More importantly, do you give those regularly?

It's a vain enterprise to expect a reward for a good deed. Take pleasure in performing the good deed itself. And you will be a happier person.

When someone is kind or generous towards you, the joy can only be temporary, because the effects never last very long. But when you are kind or generous towards someone else, you'll find that the joy only increases and accumulates. Because your act will serve to add to the world being a better place? no matter how small or insignificant you think it is.

Gentleness has been ingrained in many cultures as being a sign of the powerless and impotent. And kindness is sometimes thought of as a hint of weakness your opponent can take advantage of.

These are misconceptions, for anyone can take up the sword to strike in hatred and fury, but only the truly mighty are able to lay it down in forgiveness and love.

So the next time you're moved to malice or anger, try being gentle and kind instead. Experience for yourself the spiritual strength and joy that comes from them.

Don't Let Resentment Sink In

Regular interaction with other people almost every day means that there are plenty of opportunities for someone to intentionally or inadvertently get into a scrape with you, get on your nerves or step on your tail.

Now each of us handles perceived offences differently, and some people feel more resentment than others when they think they've been badly treated.

Resentment, when left unchecked, nibbles away at our spirit and mental well-being. It diminishes our ability to love and trust others. And it's very easy to feel resentful. People can arouse that emotion in us any time they fail to care, fail to think, or even when they fail to meet our expectations of what we deem to be good, fair, moral, or decent.

Let's say a colleague presents your idea as his own at a meeting. You work harder but the other person gets the promotion. A colleague says something mean about you in front of others. Or we feel we've been humiliated in a mass email. Most of us have gotten into protracted email squabbles which in the end turned out to be rather silly and meaningless.

We feel resentful because we imagine that our reputation has been violated, and that others' opinion of us has been ruined. The truth is, people don't care. People forget. People are too busy worrying about themselves to think about you. The world goes on heedless, and in a minute, an hour, or a day, it's not going to matter. On the day we die, these little trespasses are going to mean nothing at all. Why let them mean something today?

Rejecting resentment though, doesn't mean being passive, submissive or timid. If you genuinely feel you have been wronged and there is something constructive you can do to rectify it, then by all means, go ahead. Most of the time though, the things that make us resentful are truly insignificant. They don't deserve our time, our energy or our thoughts.

Why give someone the power to rob us of our peace of mind?

As Irish-American actor and writer Malachy McCourt once said, "Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die."

Choose Life Not Suicide

This world can sometimes be hard to live in, and occasionally, the pain becomes so acute and sources of relief so rare, that one may contemplate ending it all.

If you're having such a thought, don't feel that you're weak or foolish. There is nothing wrong or unusual about the way you feel. Things must be going pretty badly if you're contemplating suicide. But if death has become an option for you, then things can't get any worse. From here, you can rise if you want to.

No one has ever solved anything by choosing death. In fact, it's the ones who are faced with the very real prospect of death who discover how valuable and rich life can be.

In Stephen Daldry's film "The Hours", actress Julianne Moore plays Laura Brown, a character whose fa?e of a loving, dutiful housewife belies an emotional and romantic emptiness that threatens to engulf her. Unable to live the life she truly wants to live, she is finally driven to the thought of suicide, but decides against it at the eleventh hour.

Strangely enough, the option of death gave her the strength to continue living. When she realised that she could always take her life if it got unbearable, suddenly, her life didn't seem so hard. The world of infinite opportunities opened up to her. Fear of life and social expectations no longer gripped her, and she subsequently went on to live the life she always wanted.

In Paulo Coelho's book "Veronika Decides to Die", the protaganist is brought back from the brink of death after she takes a near-fatal dose of sleeping pills. However, the doctor tells her that as a consequence of her action, her heart has been so weakened that it could collapse in a matter of weeks. Faced with the possibility of death like the character of Laura in "The Hours", Veronika experiences a similar epiphany - that death is always possible, for everyone, young or old, happy or depressed. Death can come to you unexpectedly or you can invite it; either way, it makes life all the more precious and the world all the more beautiful and promising.

Suicide is a hasty catapult into the unknown. What you couldn't find here, you can be sure you won't find in death. Life however gives you the opportunity to live it in any way you like. The pain may be unbearable now, but it will not last. Death comes to us all; the time and place though, is not for us to determine. Till then, choose Life - seize the opportunities that only Life can bring.

Just Go With The Flow

Life is like a raging river. There is constant flow. In fact, agitation and movement are essential for life to endure. Stagnant waters breed disease and decay.

So when life decides to throw a rock at us, like when we lose a job or partner, don't lose heart. Don't negatively judge events or circumstances that initially seem "bad" or "unfortunate". Things don't happen by accident, and mistakes or misfortunes are simply precursors for positive change.

We can't control things like losing a job or losing a partner. Loss is essential for growth and survival. When we experience loss or some other stressful change in our lives, we can give in to negative feelings like anger, disappointment, self-pity, self-loathing, trepidation and fear. We can allow these emotions to strain our mind, effectively crippling its ability to discover viable solutions. We can imagine the worst, and let something that may not come to pass affect our present state of mind.

Or we can go with the flow of change. Some things in our lives have to go in order to make way for better things. The Universe has a way of nudging us along when we get too lazy, complacent or comfortable. Occasionally, it gives us a big shove. The Universe knows when stagnation is making us fat and feeble. It knows when something in our lives has to shift in order for us to continue growing. It then arranges for people and events to push us towards what we were meant to be.

Most people however, choose to resist or ignore the signs. They are so firmly embedded in the riverbed that they refuse to let the currents lift them away. The years go by, and along with them, a flood of lost opportunities? and the stubborn rocks are finally left buried under algae and dirt.

If you've recently lost your job, lost a partner or something you felt was valuable to you, think? Were you really happy with your job?

Did you put your dreams on hold because you were trapped in a wake up, go to work, go home, go to bed routine? Had you stopped growing in that job? Did nothing excite you anymore about your work? What about your ex-partner? Were you really good for each other? Or were you hanging on because you were afraid of being alone?

You didn't have the time nor the nerve to go out and do what you really wanted to do. Well, now you do!

Go with the flow of change!

Childhood Revisited

The person that you are at present - your fears, attitudes, values, and limitations - has its roots in your childhood.

As children, we collect bits and pieces of information about who we are, how the world works, and how we deal with it. As grown-ups, some of the data we collected in our childhood can prevent us from living a full and fulfilling life.

Maybe some of the people we cared about let us down, so we learnt to be suspicious of others. Perhaps our parents were too controlling, so we grew up to be indecisive and timid. Maybe we were kept in strict routines, so we became afraid of change and uncertainty. Or perhaps we were often indulged and pampered, so we grew up to expect everyone, including our partners, to give in to our demands.

I'm not putting the blame on parents. After all, they were children once too, and there isn't a child in the world that won't get wounded in some way. We may never know exactly what those wounds are, but we can be sure that our parents acted towards us according to the degree those wounds were healed or left to fester. Our parents are human too, and therefore imperfect like everyone else. Once we accept this, we can begin to forgive our parents for not meeting our expectations.

If you want to get to the source of your issues as an adult, you have to go back to the past and examine the kind of childhood you had. The path ahead will always be strewn with shattered glass until you go back and pick up the broken pieces.

Most of us have been taught to ignore the past and look to the future. But it's undeniable that our future will continue to be shaped by our past until we go back, seek out the injuries, and consciously break the stranglehold they have on us.

Only we have the power to do this, but we cannot be intimidated by the darkness that exists in our childhood. Shining a light on the hurts in our past can be painful, but ultimately, this is what frees us. This is what allows us to prevent childhood issues from repeating themselves in our adult life. By seeking out the pain, we can let it go, and move on.

Graceful Aging

Old age is something none of us can avoid. Worrying about it simply precipitates its onset. So you may lose your hair. So your skin may become dry and wrinkled. You may gain weight. Your movements might become laboured or clumsy. So what? It's the natural process of Life. But there a few things you can do to make aging more graceful and softer on your ego.

Psychologists say that our minds and bodies, generally, begin to age, or wind down, after the age of 45. And it's about that time that we should give our lives a new direction.

Healthy foods and exercise are essential at any point in our lives, and particularly crucial when we're entering our twilight years. Exercise at least moderately. If nothing else, you could always walk around the neighbourhood. The body breaks down even faster due to lack of use. And don't take my word for it because I'm not a nutritionist, but richly-coloured foods that are high in fibre and low in fat are usually good - salmon, broccoli, nuts, capsicum, fruits. Make your meals visually pleasing as well as tasty!

As you grow older, friendships become more important than ever. Family members are great, but you cannot become dependent on them socially. They can't always be there for you. So for those times when they can't, enjoy the company of close friends who can.

If you've retired, or are going to retire soon, learn new things that you didn't have the time to take up when you were working. Again, what the thing is is not important, as long as you have an interest in it. Especially beneficial are things that require a fair amount of mind work, or are manually complex to do. This keeps your mind and body working. Or things that expand your view of the world or see things from a different perspective. You could also revisit the things that gave you joy when you were younger - books, music, and films are particularly good for bringing back those good ol' memories.

No matter how many times you go to the gym a week, you'll never have the same body you did when you were 25. That doesn't mean you should stop caring about your appearance. Wear clothes that you're comfortable in but which still give you a little style and flair. Dressing to feel good about yourself is not a bad thing. Don't confuse it with narcissism and vanity.

Old age doesn't equate sagely wisdom, so keep your mind open to suggestions and ideas, even from very young people. Their nascent minds may not teach the lesson in the most articulate way, but if you're open, you'll absorb the wisdom easily. Avoid thinking and behaving like you're the authority on everything, just because of your age. This can cause people to isolate you. It can also lead to complacency, inability to adapt and grow, and eventually, a stagnation of your mental abilities.

And set goals for yourself. This gives you something that you can look forward to. Make them reasonable. Finish one book a week. Keep to a budget. Plant your own chili padi. Plan a short holiday closeby. Make gifts for upcoming family gatherings. It's amazing how much you can achieve in your Golden Years.

Taking Your Personal Standards To The Next Level

Stagnation and slacking at work is quite common. Only a handful of people are ambitious and self-motivated enough to maintain an optimum level of performance at all times.

However, to develop and mature at our jobs, we need to periodically raise our own standard bar. Otherwise, our work will in time begin to feel mundane and our attitude will begin to look sloppy. This in turn affects job satisfaction and career prospects.

Our personal standards are benchmarks we set for ourselves. They're related to how we treat and perceive ourselves, how we interact with others, the words we use, the attitudes and values we project, and our behavioural patterns. They can be reviewed and changed as we mature as human beings.

Here are some simple tips for raising your personal standards at work or at home:

- Make a list of the people you admire. The traits you have a high regard for could be patience, the ability to persuade others to see their point, being punctual, or kind. So these people can be your peers, your friends, your superiors, your subordinates, the mailman or the cleaning lady. Observe them and emulate how they handle tough situations.

- Try to be "unconditionally-constructive" each time you speak or phrase, while still saying all you need to say. Most people criticise without being able to come up with solutions, or only see the negative in everything. Practice being constructive about as many things as you can and you'll increase your self-worth and your value as a worker. You'll also inspire others to be more optimistic and cheerful.

- When mistakes or mishaps surfaces in your "space" or your sphere of work, learn to accept the responsibility, but not the blame. Deal with the situation and raise your standards so it doesn't happen again.

- In the corporate world, it seems like a good idea to make results and goals number one on your list of priorities. But ask any successful and influential manager or supervisor, and he or she will tell you that putting people and relationships above results, is the key to long term job satisfaction and corporate success.

- What are the things around your office that you tolerate but which continue to sap your energy? It could be an area of your work that is time-consuming or menial, but ultimately contributes little or nothing to the quality of your work. Do them, delegate them or discard them if you think they cannot be changed to benefit you or your company.

And those are a few ways you can raise your personal standards and in turn increase your value at work.

Highly Sensitive Indviduals (Part 2 of 2)

In the last article, I discussed about Highly Sensitive Individuals and how you can tell if you are one. In addition to the qualities I talked about in the last article, you may be a Highly Sensitive Individual if:

- At work, you find it easier to focus on one thing at a time, and you tend to concentrate intensely on what you're working on. As a result, you may be thought of as slow or unable to multi-task. You also require time alone, and little or no pressure. But you usually produce quality, above-average work.

- You have a heightened sense of aesthetics, alignment, and art. You are probably highly artistic yourself, and you appreciate beauty passionately. You also need to have a sense of balance in your surroundings. Your desk is likely to be neat and pleasantly arranged. Seeing something out of alignment is likely to be distressing for you.

- You have a lower tolerance for stimulation than others. Very often, you can perceive subtle changes in your environment. As a consequence, you may find it more difficult to sleep, as every little sound or discomfort may disturb you.

- You connect easily and regularly with your inner self. You probably talk to yourself often, though you may not do it aloud. You may even find your inner sanctum more interesting and comforting than the outer world. On the upside, you're highly imaginative, and are able to solve most problems on your own. On the downside, you may lose touch with the realities and priorities of the real world.

- You're able to appreciate the intricacies and subtle beauty of the seemingly common. As a result, you may have little patience with the truly mundane. You love being around Nature and can be spellbound by things like rain and the sea. You also probably talk to your dog. I don't mean things like "Sit!", but really lengthy, intimate conversations. Because you're comforted by simple things, you may be thought of as being without ambition.

The first and most important step to overcoming your weaknesses as a Highly Sensitive Individual is to acknowledge and accept that you are a Highly Sensitive Individual. There is nothing wrong or bad with that and you should be proud and make full use of your unique talents. Also, because you are naturally affected by your surroundings and the people around you, you must learn to let go and live by your own criteria. Invest heavily in mutually beneficial relationships. Have friends who are not afraid to tell you the truth. A pet is a good idea too. Find a job that is satisfying to you and that allows you the time, space and freedom to produce good work.

Highly Sensitive Individuals (Part 1 of 2)

Do you often feel overwhelmed by your environment or the people around you? Are you very self-conscious? Do you try to avoid contact with people, especially strangers or casual acquaintances? Are you easily affected by stimuli around you like sounds, images, noises, music, words and emotions?

Relax! You may not be suffering from low self-esteem or from severe anxiety. You may simply be a Highly Sensitive Person.

Some researchers estimate that up to 20% of a population is highly sensitive. Highly Sensitive People are born with very perceptive sensory systems. They are therefore more keenly affected by stimuli around them, like light and colour, sounds, excitement, people and stress. They possess powerful intuition, and have a greater capacity to analyse, empathise and understand their surroundings and the people around them.

Because of their sensitivity, they are also more likely to minimise social contact. This explains why they shun crowded areas like shopping malls during the weekends, avoid overcharged settings like discos and rock concerts, and maintain only a few close friends.

Being highly sensitive brings along with it its fair share of gifts and obstacles. You may be a Highly Sensitive Person if:

- You are usually more affected by other people's opinions, thoughts, emotions, needs and desires than your own. As a result, you're very caring and you empathise easily with others. On the downside, you worry too much and people find it easy to take advantage of you. You also tend to lose sight of your own happiness, needs and goals.

- You are keenly aware of the subtleties in your environment. You may be able to perceive understated changes in temperature, light, noises, smell, textures and energy. Your senses go beyond the physical realm to permeate into the intellectual, emotional and spiritual realms. Because of this, you're able to develop relationships among seemingly discordant elements, and understand complex concepts. You're creative and far-sighted.

- You can be deeply moved by stories, words, films, and music. You are finely attuned to the emotions they evoke, and they can often perk you up instantly or make you cry. You are also likely to possess a flair with words or a talent for composing music.

I'll continue to examine the common traits of a Highly Sensitive Person, and how you can capitalise on their strengths and minimise their barriers.

The Carrot Seed

I'm going to share with you a story called "The Carrot Seed" that began as a 10,000 word saga.

Its author, Ruth Krauss, claimed that it took her an entire lifetime to craft. Not satisfied with the impact the original version had, Krauss whittled the text down to its final 101 words, making it one of the shortest picture book texts when it was published in 1945.

Here's how it goes?

A little boy planted a carrot seed.

His mother said, "I'm afraid it won't come up."

His father said, "I'm afraid it won't come up."

And his brother said, "It won't come up."

Everyday the little boy pulled up the weeds around the seed and sprinkled the ground with water.

But nothing came up.

And nothing came up.

Everyone kept saying it wouldn't come up.

But he still pulled up the weeds around it every day and sprinkled the ground with water.

And then, one day, a carrot came up.

Just as the little boy had known it would.

And that was a story called "The Carrot Seed" by Ruth Krauss.

Countless interpretations have been made about its philosophy, but most accept that it's a tale about the power of action and positive thought. About the power of childhood faith, and what one can achieve if he refuses to be distracted by external dissonance and perseveres in what he believes in.

Walking And Paving The Path Of Gratitude

I cannot emphasise enough the importance of gratitude and thanksgiving for our happiness and mental health. Sorrow, anger, frustration, envy, and all the other negative emotions are consequences of desiring more and appreciating less.

So how can we learn to be more grateful for what we have in life? Here are some steps we all can use each day to bring more gratitude, and as a result, more happiness into our lives.

Firstly, think of five things that you would not change in your life. Then, say them aloud or write them down. This helps you identify and focus on the things you usually take for granted. Things that you just as easily may not have been given, but have.

Next, appreciate your senses. What beauty has your gift of sight allowed you to enjoy? What delightful foods did you smell and taste? What sweet music stirred your soul through your gift of hearing?

Before you end your day, think of five things that made the day wonderful. We often forget the good and focus on the bad in our lives. A sincere compliment, a small gift, a lunch treat, a loved one's laughter, a beautiful line from a book, a joke which made you chuckle, a phone call asking how you were, a colleague's thoughtful gesture, your mother's delicious fried rice? how many of such little blessings are forgotten as soon as they've transpired?

Appreciate yourself. Everyone has attributes he or she can be thankful for. Think of five of them. Again, too many people tend to dwell on their flaws and shortcomings. This helps you remember that you have been blessed with attributes that other people may not have.

Think of three people you are thankful to have in your life. Tell them how much they mean to you.

Remind yourself of how fortunate you are. Whenever you see or hear of people who are destitute, crippled, hungry or disenfranchised, don't look away. Don't ignore them. Use those images to help you realise just how lucky you really are.

And think of three people who may have disappointed, hurt or disparaged you in any way. And forgive them. Resentments and grudges create self-destructive energies that imprison and torment you. The sooner you're rid of them, the happier you'll be.

Will Power And Self Discipline

We often look up to individuals who have managed to achieve some measure of success in life - people who have excelled in their chosen field, attained a high level of financial independence, managed to achieve their ideal weight, learnt new skills, overcome great hardship, or made their dreams come true.

We admire and respect these people, and marvel at the high level of will power and self-discipline it must require for them to achieve those goals.

The fact is, the will power and self-discipline they possess is nothing marvellous or fascinating. Their inner strength is not inborn or exceptional, and anyone can attain a high level of will power and self-discipline through an uncomplicated process of training.

Will power is the courage to make a certain decision, and stick to it, regardless of any internal or external opposition or difficulties. It is the ability to carry a chosen task from conceptualisation to fruition regardless of how uncomfortable, painful or unnerving it might be.

Self-discipline involves rejecting or postponing a short-term gratification in favour of something more beneficial in the long run. It is the strength to stick to certain thoughts, actions and behaviour that lead to the betterment of the self in some way - physically, mentally, academically or spiritually.

One of the simplest and most effective ways of cultivating will power and self-discipline in daily life is by refusing to satisfy damaging or unnecessary desires.

Try waking up half an hour earlier to do crunches. Fight off the urge to drink a soft drink or an iced latte and drink water instead. Take the stairs instead of the lift. Stop doing things to help you sleep, like reading, talking on the phone or drinking alcohol. When people offer you chocolate, cake or ice-cream, politely say no.

These simple exercises help you develop your will power and self-discipline. Over time, you'll find you have more control over your life, are more focused and alert, and are better able to achieve your goals in life.

Cultivating An Attractive Attitude

A positive and energy-giving life attitude is the most important quality we should look for in a life partner. However, as we get ready to seek our future partners, we often neglect our own attitude towards our own lives.

For just as we increasingly understand the value of a happy and fulfilled disposition in a life mate, they are also waking up to this fact. They are also looking for the same qualities in us.

How you feel about your life now as a single person and the possibility that you might stay single, affects how you come across to others. If you hate your life, think that being in a relationship is the only way to live, and look towards a future as a single as depressing, sad, or bleak, believe me, that shows. And it is very unattractive.

Not only is it unattractive, this kind of mentality makes you feel insecure, needy and desperate. This frame of mind clouds your judgement when it comes to sorting through spousal possibilities. If the thought of leading a single's life scares you, then you're very likely to build most of your life towards that goal of finding a mate. A mission that can become so consuming that you feel compelled to throw yourself at the first person who shows a bit of interest in you. With that kind of compulsion, how can you make a good judgement? You'll very likely scare off the other person too!

So how do you stay centred and clear-headed?

Well, begin by thinking about how you can improve your life as a single. What are the talents you can hone and sharpen? Could you cultivate more meaningful friendships? How can you improve your mind and body, naturally, so you can feel better about yourself?

Stop thinking about being in a relationship. That possibility is not definite for anybody. Instead, if you knew, right now, that you were going to spend the rest of your life as a single, what would you need to do so that you would have an interesting and vital life? You know, love is a funny thing, people say, you can search for it your whole life and not find it, yet, the moment you stop looking for it, it can literally bump into you on the street. So let it go, be good to yourself, develop a fulfilling and happy relationship with yourself and you'll find that more doors will open that way.

The balance you feel and your satisfaction with what you have will be exciting and attractive to others.

Start Your Day With Positivity

How has your day been? How is it going to be? If we had the choice, we'd no doubt want each day to be phenomenal - exciting, enriching, meaningful, joyful and pleasurable. But are you exercising that choice? Do you intentionally and consciously choose your attitude each day?

Most of us tend to allow external circumstances or other people to choose your attitude for us. As in, whether our day is a good one or not is dictated by whether we get up on time, whether the kids give us any trouble, whether the traffic is agreeable, whether the boss is in a good mood, whether another big, thankless task is dumped on us, whether our spouse or partner greets us with a smile.

When you choose to live this way, you are allowing external circumstances to control your mood and disposition. This is fine as long as everything runs smoothly in your life. But that doesn't happen often, does it? Life is hardly predictable - accidents happen, machines break down, kids have their tantrums, workloads become seemingly unmanageable. And when you finally get home in anticipation of a tender hug and a sympathetic ear, you find instead another frustrated and angry person who can't wait to dump all the day's tribulations onto your already tired soul.

What happens then? What happens when you have a lousy day?

You see, the problem with not choosing a positive attitude everyday is that we run the risk of getting a negative one imposed on us at the whim of other people and situations. Our mood is then at the mercy of the volatile. But although we can't dictate the weather, we certainly can choose how we react to it.

So what if we claim our right to consciously choose our attitude?

Well, we'd invite more joy into our lives. We often overestimate the influence the outside world has on our mood - like if we encounter a surly cashier at the cafe ?we feel offended and ourselves become sullen and rude, as if to pay forward this unbearable debt of bad manners. When really, the moment's tension can be neutralised instantly if we choose not to be affected by someone else's thoughtlessness.

By choosing a positive attitude each day, we attract more positive experiences into our lives. The quality of each experience often determines the quality of the next experience - I'm sure you've been in situations where your plans get thrown off completely because something went wrong. But when things go awry, you can also choose to move on without a scratch, thus effecting a better outcome or future experience.

Opening Up To Possibilities

When you imagine your future, do you see unlimited potential or do you see a lack of opportunities? Almost everyday, we are overrun by bad news, bleak outlooks, and people who complain about how miserable their lives are. In such a climate, it's no small task remaining upbeat and optimistic. But it is precisely that kind of positive attitude that will open your eyes to the opportunities that are always present.

Many of the circumstances appear to block us only because of the assumptions we make. In other words, if we colour our view of the world with negative energy, our behaviour towards it will appear to elicit an unfavourable response. If you look at your environment through cracked and grimy glasses, you won't see a pretty picture.

When you participate in negative dialogue, either with yourself or with others, you are setting yourself up for failure. It's almost as if there's an instinct to prove oneself right, and if you think things will turn out badly, your thoughts and action will contribute to that result. When you retreat from a world you perceive as grim, you're closing yourself off to the possibilities.

But what happens if you remain open to the possibilities? When you view the world from a perspective of unlimited potential, your attitude will shift. So will the way you engage your employees, customers, friends and family; everyone you come into contact with. You will project an image of abundance, and your drive and hope will inspire those around you. You will become a motivating force in a climate of openness and courage, a climate that gives back to you just as much, if not more, than what you gave to create it.

When we're open to possibilities, we see further and are more inclined to take risks. Risks that may not always yield the results we want, but which create more paths towards our goals. You're only a failure if you stop trying. Because opportunities for success are limitless - when one doesn't pay off the way you imagined, there's always the next, and the next. One of them will be the one to catapult you forward, and it could just be the next one.

Being open means that you have to stand confident in the realm of possibilities - no matter the competition and no matter your fear. If your entire focus is on what your competitors are doing, your attitude will be passed on to your employees, and, ultimately, your clients. But if you focus on what you do best and how to better satisfy your clients and engage with them in new and powerful ways, your results will be quite different!

Law of Attraction - Attracting Good People

If you've ever had a power outage in your flat and were out of candles, you'd know how useful a neighbour with some to spare can be. And it's not just times of emergency when we need a readily helpful hand; we need favours all the time from our colleagues, our friends, our relatives, our supervisors, the mailman, even the canteen "auntie". They may be mostly minor favours, but all the same, if the people around us didn't help us out every now and again, we would experience a lot more stress.

Let's go back to the example of a neighbour. Now neighbours can be great - they can help water the plants when you're on holiday, watch over your kid while you run errands, bring over food during festivals, or alert the police if they suspect you're being burgled. Neighbours can also be your worst nightmare - karaoke-ing loudly deep into the night, stealing your papers, allowing cigarette smoke to blow in through your window, and so on.

It's the same with the people we interact with on a regular basis at work and in our personal life. They can be helpful, generous and giving, or be indifferent towards us, even adversarial. If you're going to keep your stress level low, you'll have to attract and maintain a network of good, supportive people around you.

To do this, first take a good look at yourself in the mirror. What do you see? Do you seem likeable? Now I'm not saying that you should judge yourself based on your looks, but whether we like it or not, most people make assumptions based on what they can see. And I'm not just talking about grooming and attire. It's also your demeanor, your disposition, the way you carry yourself, the way you look at people, the way you talk and walk, the "vibes" you give out. If you think you have a rather severe face, for example, perhaps you could make an extra effort to smile more.

Next is the principle of treating others as you would like to be treated. We all want others to be friendly to us, to be accommodating and understanding, to treat us with dignity and respect. But do we treat others the same way? If you expect a colleague to be willing to cover your shift with a smile when you really need to be on leave, then you should be cultivating goodwill with him on a regular basis. Do you invite him out to lunch, for example? Do you make small talk with him or do you only engage in conversation about work-based topics?

We can clearly imagine how much tougher our lives would be if the people around us stopped being supportive and accommodating. But most of us tend to take them for granted. The people around you may be all friendly and smiley today, but when you're next in need of their help, will they be offering it with a smile? Cultivate an attitude of being someone likeable, someone polite, generous, caring, and giving, and when you're next in need of some support, you'll probably get it more spontaneously.

Undue Worries

Mark Twain once said, "I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them have never happened."

Our mind is often our own worst enemy, and our thoughts can routinely cause us hours, days even, of unnecessary distress and anxiety. Worry is a prolific writer of anxious thoughts and worst-case scenarios, and it can often spin an overwrought, extravagant yarn worthy of any soap opera writer's desk.

Take for example, we unintentionally offend someone and that person confronts us about it. The drama could end with our apology and that person's understanding. But no, in our minds, we'd imagine that the person is truly livid, and that he or she will tell others of what we have done. That will then cause people to judge us unfavourably.

Or say a friend calls up to cancel something we had planned. We could simply take it as what it is - a cancellation. But no, we'd take it as a consequence of how our friend feels about us. Maybe he or she doesn't want to be around us anymore. Maybe he or she had heard something undesirable about us. Maybe he or she found a more interesting person to be with.

Our ability to make ourselves feel miserable knows no bounds. And it doesn't end with our relations with friends either. A family member or a partner could say or do something to us, which in our view is harsh or insensitive. That's enough fuel for our minds to start thinking "My partner doesn't love me anymore. Maybe he or she is getting bored with me. He or she doesn't care about my feelings. Maybe he or she want to break up with me. Maybe I'll never be able to find love. Maybe, maybe, maybe?"

We waste precious time and energy dreaming up hypothetical situations which most of the time simply aren't true at all. Sometimes, we may unwittingly make them true by behaving jealously, insensitively or unreasonably. An insanely jealous husband or wife may provoke his or her partner into having an affair even though no intention existed previously.

We should recognise such negative thoughts and learn not to let them hold sway over our emotions.

Letting Go Of Revenge

Retaliation is an instinctive response for most people when they suffer an injustice. Even the most peace-loving pacifist experiences some points in life where he or she contemplates the idea of revenge. One may not act upon the thought, but the very idea of "getting back" at someone is enough to rob us of happiness, if it becomes a preoccupation.

The desire for revenge is an obsession, and obsessions pull us away from the most important things in life, like our loved ones, our work, and the enjoyment of all that we have. It prevents us from living fully in the moment because it traps us in a cycle of thinking: "Now, how shall I hurt this person who has hurt me, so that I might feel better?"

The fact is, no one feels better or will benefit after a vengeful act. If someone has done something disrespectful or disdainful enough to upset us, our act of vengeance would have to be just as bad, or worse. Consequently, we lower ourselves to a level where it's difficult to respect ourselves, and our sense of self-worth suffers. In the long run, our souls become pale and sick because we've shut it in a dark room for too long, ignoring the sunshine of forgiveness which exists just outside. As E. H. Chapin once said, "Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it forgoes revenge, and dares to forgive an injury."

People who focus on revenge don't allow their wounds to heal. They never quite recover from the transgression, because in order to fan the flame of revenge, they have to keep their wounds open? better still, make them bigger and allow them to fester. Old hurts tend to become more and more grievous when we allow them to bubble and boil in our cauldron of resentment.

People with a strong desire for revenge miss out on many good things in life. They often only see the ugly, the unjust, and the irredeemable. They add to the anger and hatred in the world, of which, if you haven't already noticed, we have in great abundance.

Revenge, ultimately achieves nothing. After the act, you might feel "good" for a while, but the thrill wears off. You realise that revenge doesn't heal your grievances. You don't become a better person, in fact, you're just as bad as the person who supposedly wronged you. You realise that while you were contemplating revenge, your relationship with your loved ones and the world had suffered.
Forgiveness is so much easier, and it is so much sweeter than revenge. As Confucius once said, "To be wronged is nothing? unless you continue to remember it."

Recovering After Losing A Loved One

The loss of a loved one is one of the most painful experiences of life. In the aftermath, it's natural and indeed perfectly reasonable to feel negative emotions like sorrow, guilt, anger, and anxiety. During such times, it's essential to restore emotional well-being; to pick up the broken pieces of your life and move on.
If you've recently lost a loved one, by all means, grieve. Many people go into a state of denial after the shock, however the first step in the healing process is to allow yourself to feel the emotions deeply and mourn your loss. What you're going through and feeling, are normal.

During the grieving process, support from other people is vital. Don't attempt to deal with the sorrow alone. Spend time sharing to people who care for you and will empathise with you, like close friends, family members, or members of support groups you might be in or are able to join. If you feel that you really have no one to speak to, keep a journal or diary. Write it out and don't keep your grief unexpressed.

Be kind and compassionate to your body and spirit. Get enough sleep, eat well-balanced meals, and exercise. Exercise produces pleasure-inducing endorphins that facilitate your emotional recovery. Engage in activities that bring your pleasure and laughter, like playing with kids, listening to music, having a hot shower, watching a funny movie, splurging on that luxury you've always wanted, going on a holiday with a friend, and so on. Every little thing or action helps. Give yourself permission and the right to be good to yourself.

Reinvest in relationships. Meet up with a long time friend. Bring a loved one on a holiday. Treat a colleague to whom you've never been close to a meal. Help a stranger. Talk to someone in need. Nothing heals the heart more than expressing love, making peace, building bridges, mending fences, and lending a compassionate ear with a patient heart. During times of loss and grief, we all need to remind ourselves that there are other people we can love and who in turn love and appreciate us.

In the aftermath of losing a loved one, we can either sink in to depression, hatred, and anger, or move towards peace and love. Through our thoughts and actions, we all can bring healing into what little parts of the world we can reach and touch. We all have the opportunity to bring light into this darkness. Do we burn a candle or burn out?

Loving Thy Self

We all want greater happiness. And most of us seek it in things like money, fast love, power, respect, adoration, and career success. But we ultimately realise that the joy we get from these things doesn't last.

How then, can we attain lasting happiness? The key is love - both towards yourself and towards others. Eventually, that's all that's going to matter to you.

Many people don't manage to find self-love, and as a natural consequence, genuine love for others. They spend their entire lives searching for happiness in all the wrong things.

Parents play a critical role in helping to instill a healthy sense of self-worth and self-respect in their children. Through the simplest acts of touch, attention to feelings, and guidance toward accomplishment, children come to see their own worth reflected in their parents' eyes. They see themselves as worthy of love.

A child who does not receive this kind of love from their parents may grow up to be insecure, dependent, and fearful. They might develop a self-loathing attitude - consistently blaming themselves, and feeling that they don't deserve happiness. Or they might embark on an impossible quest for perfection - in themselves and in things like a perfect partner, a perfect job, or a perfect amusement. But the results will always be disappointing. The feeling of disappointment and helplessness may lead to physical or emotional violence or addictions to short-term gratifications like alcohol, drugs and sex.

But a negative relationship with your parents doesn't mean all is lost. In many ways, your inner voice is like an extra parent. As you grow older, its influence becomes stronger than your parents. What you tell yourself about yourself shapes your life. Happy and successful people talk lovingly and positively to themselves. Nurture your inner voice to speak with love, respect, optimism and gentleness, and you're on your way to greater happiness.

Chicken Soup For The Heart

How can you prevent heart disease? I'm sure you can think of several ways - exercise regularly, have a low-fat diet, don't smoke, don't consume alcohol in excess. We've been very well-educated in this area. But what you may not realise is the health of our hearts is also intimately connected to the way we think and feel and the quality of our relationships.

Scientists at Yale University looked at the degree of blockages in coronary arteries of 119 men and women and found that those who felt the most loved and supported by significant people in their life, had substantially less blockage in the arteries of their hearts. The researchers discovered that the quality of the relationships in the sense of feeling loved and emotionally supported was a more important predictor of the severity of coronary artery blockages than was the number of relationships a person had.

Here are some ways you can improve the quality of your thoughts and emotions, and accordingly, the health of your heart.

Have a close confidante with which to share your innermost dreams, hopes, worries and fears. This person ideally would be your partner, but it can also be a good friend or relative. Sharing is incredibly freeing; don't let your heart accumulate unspoken burdens.

Give to the community. We all need social contact and caring to survive, and when you share your time and love, your heart is strengthened by feelings of warmth, compassion and goodwill.

Slow down. Society attaches increasing significance to speed - we're taught that we must be faster, leaner, meaner in order to survive in a "dog eat dog" world. While this might bring you more corporate success, it can be detrimental to your heart. So regularly take time to shut out the world, relax and be with yourself. Take time to marvel at nature. Learn to listen, instead of always having your say.

And of course, cultivate mutually-rewarding relationships. Love is not only good for your heart in the emotional sense, it can very well save you from heart disease.

Enhance Life Through Little Acts Of Joys

Just as plants grow towards the sun, human beings are instinctively motivated towards joy. Call it what you want - bliss, happiness, pleasure, delight, rapture; everything we do is an effort to propel ourselves towards this feeling of well-being, peace and satisfaction.

We buy things, we eat the kinds of food we like, we get into relationships, we help people and so on, to be happy. We are happy when the people we love are happy. We become angry, depressed or afraid because we want to be happy; the negative emotions result because of the absence of something that gives us joy.

However, we all know that joy generally doesn't last very long. That's what makes it so precious. A perpetual state of bliss is impossible, (not in this life anyway) so all we can do is to become more aware of the little joys which occur in our lives. Very often, we take these moments for granted and either rush right past them or allow them to pass without fully savouring them.

A smooth drive to work. The crisp, soothing croon coming from a hi-fi set. The smell of clean bedsheets. A satisfying meal. The pitter-patter of rain on a lazy Sunday afternoon. A new book. A cool mug of beer on a hot day. The sound of a cue hitting the ball on a pool table. Babies' laughter. The warmth and aroma of freshly-brewed coffee. Sharing a joke with a friend.

What are the little joys in your life?

Supplement these little joys with the big ones, like giving and receiving affection, helping someone in need, and spending time with our loved ones.

Whatever your little joys are, take time to notice and relish them. Someone once said that life is a series of moments, so make those moments count.

Tolerate No More

Most of us have had this experience - we go to a movie, are absolutely baffled and appalled by how bad it is, yet continue watching it until it's over. I know, it's because we didn't want to judge the film prematurely - even though more than halfway through it was still jaw-droppingly awful, we were still hoping to be surprised, right? We just wanted some validation, no matter how small, that the movie wasn't a complete waste of our money and time, but most of the time, we're disappointed.

It's not too different with the other aspects of our lives; as a person, a father, a wife, a son, a sister, a partner, a colleague or neighbour, what are you putting up with? What kinds of stress are you allowing yourself to take on a regular basis even though you could just stand up and walk away?

Now I'm not knocking the power of perseverance; sticking with a worthy task that's showing improvement, no matter how slow, is admirable. What I'm talking about is putting up with something or someone that's taking a toll on your happiness and success while showing no sign of positive impact.

What are the bad movies in your life that you're not standing up and leaving?

Most of us adopt a passive approach to life - something we don't agree with happens again and again and, ah? we let it pass, we close one eye. I don't mean that we should be intolerant of others; I'm referring to the more personal aspects of our lives; matters that affect us directly - things like our jobs and our relationships, the abuse or unjust treatment that we take day after day because we think that we should accept the results of certain choices we've made.

But just because we've made this choice, does that mean we should accept how it's turned out? Just because we've invested money or time or love, does that mean we have to stick with it regardless of how unhappy it's making us?

Sure, most of us may complain about it, throw the odd tantrum or two, but very few will actually get up and insist on change or leave. Only you will know when the abuse has to stop. Only you will know when a situation has reached a point where the bad feelings will not go away unless something or someone changes or leaves. The sad fact is that most people do nothing, and the bad feelings continue to plague their lives.

When we're in the midst of an irredeemable film, there's often nothing we can do except walk out of the cinema. But very often, when it comes to other issues in our lives - our jobs, our relatives, our friends, or the prejudice we face - we can demand that things change to reflect our rights. We can at the very least make ourselves heard.

Decide for yourself when you're not tolerating it anymore.

Self Awareness

A man once wanted to get some paperwork done before he took his son to the park. To keep his son occupied until he finished his work, he tore a picture of the world out of a magazine, and then tore it into little pieces. He told his son when he had finished putting the puzzle together, they would go to the park.

Expecting this to take his son quite some time to accomplish, he was surprised when his son returned shortly thereafter with the completed puzzle.

The father asked his son, "how were you able to finish the puzzle so quickly?" His son answered him saying "there's a picture of a man on the other side, and when I put the man together, the pieces of the world just fell into place."

- Story by unknown author


How well do you know yourself?

Much of the happiness and success you deserve depends on how you scored on that question.

Knowing who you are, what you want and why you want it is the first step towards creating the life that you want. If you're highly "self-aware", you'll be able to understand why you feel and act the way you do. You'll then be able to either change the aspects you want to change or cultivate your strengths.

If you don't understand yourself, you'll find it very difficult to accept yourself. Consequently, you'll be embroiled in your internal conflicts, allowing external circumstances to determine your state of mind.

Many people look for meaning and joy in the external. They think that they'll be happy when they finally find a partner for life, get that promotion, become famous, become thin, get recognized for their work, or make loads of money.

They structure their lives based on the criteria determined by society. They become so preoccupied with meeting these criteria that they forget to listen to their inner voices, their natural instinct to create the life they deserve.

Being clear about who you are and what you want can be very empowering. The tiny box you used to live in becomes a world full of wondrous possibilities.

Managing Heartbreaks

In the aftermath of a breakup, one of the biggest mis-assumptions we make is that the road has ended for us, well, romantically anyway. We feel that we've lost the one and only love of our lives and that no one else will make us feel the way we did with this person.

Certainly at this point, we're governed more by our hearts than our heads, and the products of our hearts - our emotions - can sometimes grossly miss the mark. All the same, it's completely understandable to feel that you will never find romantic fulfillment again.

This makes us feel and do certain things - we start replaying the good times in our heads, conveniently leaving out the bad memories; we start to imagine that if they only knew we still missed them so badly, they would come back and give it another shot; you try all sorts of ways to tempt them into talking or meeting up, thinking that this will rekindle old flames and happily lead to a lifetime of bliss together.

What this usually does though, is make it harder and harder for you, or both of you, to get over the relationship. The whole thing then becomes a protracted tug-of-war of "not-knowing-when-or-who-or-what-to-believe", also known as sleepless nights wondering "what if" or what it "could've been".

Either that or the phone call or meeting turns ugly, what you get is the opposite of what you expected, and now the relationship is well and truly dead. And smelling like it too, since it wasn't allowed to stay buried. In some cases, what was simply romantic incompatibility turns into hatred and enmity. Now, not only have you lost a partner, you've gained an enemy.

When we don't allow a failed relationship to rest, we usually complicate it further by adding lies, using guilt, tears, threats, memories or shared experiences like friends or businesses. We may even use sex to get the other person back. It usually doesn't work and only serves to make you feel silly and humiliated, but such tactics are only natural? neither of you are thinking clearly.

After a breakup, the best thing to do (though most of us will find it easier squeezing blood from a rock) is to cut off all contact - no "let's be friends" pledges because it almost always backfires, no "it's ok to go out as a bigger group", no emails, no letters, no little "goodwill" presents, no "innocent" visits to the ex's family. We always think so highly of our ability to be gracious and mature following a breakup but we almost always end up acting and feeling childish and shameful.

We'll run through what we should be doing instead after a breakup, in order to heal and move on. Just keep on this blog.

Stop Comparing And Take Action

You've probably, at some point in your life, compared yourself with others and ended up feeling inferior or inadequate.

Maybe you envied someone for his looks, his social skills, his position, his talents, his popularity, his car, his fame, his wealth or his built. Most of us do this without really thinking about what we're doing, but think about how often you do it.
Consistently comparing ourselves with others is very disempowering and can erode our confidence, self-worth and self esteem. This stops us from achieving all that we're capable of in life.

This is how comparing ourselves with others can hurt us:

Firstly, when we compare ourselves with someone and it makes us feel inferior, we may feel that we should be achieving the same results. Now this sounds like a positive thing - if envy can motivate us to fulfill the same goals, then why not?

Envy and inferiority are such powerful emotions that it can make us feel as though besides our goal, everything else is unimportant, even our loved ones, or moral values like honesty and integrity, even human life. Dictators and other power-hungry individuals have often been driven by envy and self-loathing to reach the pinnacle of power by any means necessary.

Envy and inferiority also cause us to blindly pursue aims that in the end, we may find we really didn't want in the first place. Our focus had been on other people's goals, what they'd wanted, what they'd achieved. Lost in a cloud of envy, we failed to think about our own aspirations and dreams.

Think about the people you might be envying - that millionaire entrepreneur, that influential politician, that top housing agent, that up-and-coming actor, that hot young athlete, that money savvy stockbroker. Deep down inside, is that what you really want or strive to be? Would you be willing to sacrifice your own passions, values, and integrity to gain what they've gained? Would you be able to give up what they'd given up in order to achieve their goals? Would you really be happy and contented if you had what they have?

When comparing ourselves with others makes us feel inadequate, we are also less likely to take action to see how much we are capable of due to being inconvenient of your own self. When we feel and think small, we're less likely to venture out, in case we get trampled on. It's much easier to tell yourself "I'll never be able to do that!" than actually taking a risk and making an attempt or taking an action. But we can only reach our peak potential by trying and taking risks and keeping at it.

If you truly want to be happy and successful, stop comparing yourself with others. Blindly chasing other people's definitions of success can never make you happy. Think about your own definition and path of success. Pursue and live your own version.

Strength Acceptance

We can often be as fearful of our strengths as we are of our weaknesses. As Nelson Mandela once said, quoting a passage by Marianne Williamson, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?"

Many of us battle with the truth of who are versus who we can be. Because our dreams seem so far away, we learn to believe that the reason is that we are not good enough. We justify our present mediocre state by admitting our own incompetence.

We deny our strengths because we're afraid that if we acknowledge them, we'd have to think about why we're not using them to become a better person, to build a better life.

People who deny their strengths usually have a low opinion of themselves, can't accept compliments graciously, shy away from opportunities, and lead unfulfilling lives because they're not getting what they truly want.

If you're serious about improving your life, you have to first acknowledge your strengths, become a more confident and self-assured person and push yourself towards your goals.

Every one of us has a unique set of talents. Before you deny this, examine more closely the person that you are. What do you love doing? What comes naturally to you? What are the good things that others say about you that you coyly brush off? You may think these things are insignificant, but each one of them can be built upon to make you a happier, more successful, and more fulfilled person. Millions of people have achieved success simply by doing what they do best and sharing it with the world.

Make a list of these strengths. Embellish them with the achievements you've made, the lessons you've learnt in life, and the knowledge you've gained. Read the list every day and really meditate on them. Think about how you can build on your key strengths to produce better results.

And you know what? Very often, the road to great success and happiness is simply achieving one small goal at a time. Nothing empowers us more than doing what we said we'd do. If let's say your talent is writing, then promise yourself to write one page a day. It's a small objective, but over time, you would have accumulated a hunk of work and improved on your writing in the process.

Connect with your strengths and work towards a better life with confidence!

Reasons For Being Positive

Why be positive? Well, being positive puts you in a state of mind and body for higher productivity, greater success, better health and relationships and more joy.

Just ask yourself? would you enjoy being around a perpetual sourpuss? Most people wouldn't; unless they're grouches themselves. When you're negative, with a sullen and gloomy disposition to boot, you're sending out signals to others to stay away from you. Since you seem to judge almost everything badly, people assume you'll feel the same way about them. But if your demeanour is cheerful and embracing, people naturally resonate with your open and optimistic vibe. Having a positive attitude helps you attract and develop relationships.

The body takes its cues from the mind. What the mind believes to be true, the body seeks to align itself with. That's why in clinical trials, placebos have been shown to be effective for patients who thought they were taking the real medication. This is also the reason for athletes picturing their victory even before the game starts. Even if it's all baloney, you've got nothing to lose if you think positively. On the other hand, if it's true, imagine how much damage you could do to yourself if you have a negative mentality.

When we adopt a positive outlook, we strive to look for the good in every situation. We try to find the lesson, or at least the fun. We learn to laugh at ourselves, and even in the face of adversity. We recover faster and are back on track sooner. And because we tend to see the good in everything, we also experience more joy. That's why positive persons also tend to be happy persons.

You are what you think. That's why after a lousy day, an exhausting ordeal or after receiving bad news, sometimes all it takes for you to feel a whole lot better is a line from a song, a book or magazine, or a remark by a friend; a phrase that sums up what you're feeling but shows it in a wholly different light.

I once heard that even if we didn't achieve any pleasure or joy today, at least we learnt something. Even if we didn't learn anything, at least we didn't get sick. And even if we did get sick, at least we didn't die. Indeed, most of us have a lot to be thankful for. If we can turn our attention away from what we don't have and focus on what we do, we will naturally be positive!

Developing a positive attitude will not be easy for everyone. But if you can become more conscious about when you're turning to the negative, arrest that thought and flip it over to see the positive, you're well on your way to higher productivity and joy, greater success, better health and more rewarding relationships!