Enhance Life Through Little Acts Of Joys

Just as plants grow towards the sun, human beings are instinctively motivated towards joy. Call it what you want - bliss, happiness, pleasure, delight, rapture; everything we do is an effort to propel ourselves towards this feeling of well-being, peace and satisfaction.

We buy things, we eat the kinds of food we like, we get into relationships, we help people and so on, to be happy. We are happy when the people we love are happy. We become angry, depressed or afraid because we want to be happy; the negative emotions result because of the absence of something that gives us joy.

However, we all know that joy generally doesn't last very long. That's what makes it so precious. A perpetual state of bliss is impossible, (not in this life anyway) so all we can do is to become more aware of the little joys which occur in our lives. Very often, we take these moments for granted and either rush right past them or allow them to pass without fully savouring them.

A smooth drive to work. The crisp, soothing croon coming from a hi-fi set. The smell of clean bedsheets. A satisfying meal. The pitter-patter of rain on a lazy Sunday afternoon. A new book. A cool mug of beer on a hot day. The sound of a cue hitting the ball on a pool table. Babies' laughter. The warmth and aroma of freshly-brewed coffee. Sharing a joke with a friend.

What are the little joys in your life?

Supplement these little joys with the big ones, like giving and receiving affection, helping someone in need, and spending time with our loved ones.

Whatever your little joys are, take time to notice and relish them. Someone once said that life is a series of moments, so make those moments count.

Tolerate No More

Most of us have had this experience - we go to a movie, are absolutely baffled and appalled by how bad it is, yet continue watching it until it's over. I know, it's because we didn't want to judge the film prematurely - even though more than halfway through it was still jaw-droppingly awful, we were still hoping to be surprised, right? We just wanted some validation, no matter how small, that the movie wasn't a complete waste of our money and time, but most of the time, we're disappointed.

It's not too different with the other aspects of our lives; as a person, a father, a wife, a son, a sister, a partner, a colleague or neighbour, what are you putting up with? What kinds of stress are you allowing yourself to take on a regular basis even though you could just stand up and walk away?

Now I'm not knocking the power of perseverance; sticking with a worthy task that's showing improvement, no matter how slow, is admirable. What I'm talking about is putting up with something or someone that's taking a toll on your happiness and success while showing no sign of positive impact.

What are the bad movies in your life that you're not standing up and leaving?

Most of us adopt a passive approach to life - something we don't agree with happens again and again and, ah? we let it pass, we close one eye. I don't mean that we should be intolerant of others; I'm referring to the more personal aspects of our lives; matters that affect us directly - things like our jobs and our relationships, the abuse or unjust treatment that we take day after day because we think that we should accept the results of certain choices we've made.

But just because we've made this choice, does that mean we should accept how it's turned out? Just because we've invested money or time or love, does that mean we have to stick with it regardless of how unhappy it's making us?

Sure, most of us may complain about it, throw the odd tantrum or two, but very few will actually get up and insist on change or leave. Only you will know when the abuse has to stop. Only you will know when a situation has reached a point where the bad feelings will not go away unless something or someone changes or leaves. The sad fact is that most people do nothing, and the bad feelings continue to plague their lives.

When we're in the midst of an irredeemable film, there's often nothing we can do except walk out of the cinema. But very often, when it comes to other issues in our lives - our jobs, our relatives, our friends, or the prejudice we face - we can demand that things change to reflect our rights. We can at the very least make ourselves heard.

Decide for yourself when you're not tolerating it anymore.

Self Awareness

A man once wanted to get some paperwork done before he took his son to the park. To keep his son occupied until he finished his work, he tore a picture of the world out of a magazine, and then tore it into little pieces. He told his son when he had finished putting the puzzle together, they would go to the park.

Expecting this to take his son quite some time to accomplish, he was surprised when his son returned shortly thereafter with the completed puzzle.

The father asked his son, "how were you able to finish the puzzle so quickly?" His son answered him saying "there's a picture of a man on the other side, and when I put the man together, the pieces of the world just fell into place."

- Story by unknown author


How well do you know yourself?

Much of the happiness and success you deserve depends on how you scored on that question.

Knowing who you are, what you want and why you want it is the first step towards creating the life that you want. If you're highly "self-aware", you'll be able to understand why you feel and act the way you do. You'll then be able to either change the aspects you want to change or cultivate your strengths.

If you don't understand yourself, you'll find it very difficult to accept yourself. Consequently, you'll be embroiled in your internal conflicts, allowing external circumstances to determine your state of mind.

Many people look for meaning and joy in the external. They think that they'll be happy when they finally find a partner for life, get that promotion, become famous, become thin, get recognized for their work, or make loads of money.

They structure their lives based on the criteria determined by society. They become so preoccupied with meeting these criteria that they forget to listen to their inner voices, their natural instinct to create the life they deserve.

Being clear about who you are and what you want can be very empowering. The tiny box you used to live in becomes a world full of wondrous possibilities.

Managing Heartbreaks

In the aftermath of a breakup, one of the biggest mis-assumptions we make is that the road has ended for us, well, romantically anyway. We feel that we've lost the one and only love of our lives and that no one else will make us feel the way we did with this person.

Certainly at this point, we're governed more by our hearts than our heads, and the products of our hearts - our emotions - can sometimes grossly miss the mark. All the same, it's completely understandable to feel that you will never find romantic fulfillment again.

This makes us feel and do certain things - we start replaying the good times in our heads, conveniently leaving out the bad memories; we start to imagine that if they only knew we still missed them so badly, they would come back and give it another shot; you try all sorts of ways to tempt them into talking or meeting up, thinking that this will rekindle old flames and happily lead to a lifetime of bliss together.

What this usually does though, is make it harder and harder for you, or both of you, to get over the relationship. The whole thing then becomes a protracted tug-of-war of "not-knowing-when-or-who-or-what-to-believe", also known as sleepless nights wondering "what if" or what it "could've been".

Either that or the phone call or meeting turns ugly, what you get is the opposite of what you expected, and now the relationship is well and truly dead. And smelling like it too, since it wasn't allowed to stay buried. In some cases, what was simply romantic incompatibility turns into hatred and enmity. Now, not only have you lost a partner, you've gained an enemy.

When we don't allow a failed relationship to rest, we usually complicate it further by adding lies, using guilt, tears, threats, memories or shared experiences like friends or businesses. We may even use sex to get the other person back. It usually doesn't work and only serves to make you feel silly and humiliated, but such tactics are only natural? neither of you are thinking clearly.

After a breakup, the best thing to do (though most of us will find it easier squeezing blood from a rock) is to cut off all contact - no "let's be friends" pledges because it almost always backfires, no "it's ok to go out as a bigger group", no emails, no letters, no little "goodwill" presents, no "innocent" visits to the ex's family. We always think so highly of our ability to be gracious and mature following a breakup but we almost always end up acting and feeling childish and shameful.

We'll run through what we should be doing instead after a breakup, in order to heal and move on. Just keep on this blog.

Stop Comparing And Take Action

You've probably, at some point in your life, compared yourself with others and ended up feeling inferior or inadequate.

Maybe you envied someone for his looks, his social skills, his position, his talents, his popularity, his car, his fame, his wealth or his built. Most of us do this without really thinking about what we're doing, but think about how often you do it.
Consistently comparing ourselves with others is very disempowering and can erode our confidence, self-worth and self esteem. This stops us from achieving all that we're capable of in life.

This is how comparing ourselves with others can hurt us:

Firstly, when we compare ourselves with someone and it makes us feel inferior, we may feel that we should be achieving the same results. Now this sounds like a positive thing - if envy can motivate us to fulfill the same goals, then why not?

Envy and inferiority are such powerful emotions that it can make us feel as though besides our goal, everything else is unimportant, even our loved ones, or moral values like honesty and integrity, even human life. Dictators and other power-hungry individuals have often been driven by envy and self-loathing to reach the pinnacle of power by any means necessary.

Envy and inferiority also cause us to blindly pursue aims that in the end, we may find we really didn't want in the first place. Our focus had been on other people's goals, what they'd wanted, what they'd achieved. Lost in a cloud of envy, we failed to think about our own aspirations and dreams.

Think about the people you might be envying - that millionaire entrepreneur, that influential politician, that top housing agent, that up-and-coming actor, that hot young athlete, that money savvy stockbroker. Deep down inside, is that what you really want or strive to be? Would you be willing to sacrifice your own passions, values, and integrity to gain what they've gained? Would you be able to give up what they'd given up in order to achieve their goals? Would you really be happy and contented if you had what they have?

When comparing ourselves with others makes us feel inadequate, we are also less likely to take action to see how much we are capable of due to being inconvenient of your own self. When we feel and think small, we're less likely to venture out, in case we get trampled on. It's much easier to tell yourself "I'll never be able to do that!" than actually taking a risk and making an attempt or taking an action. But we can only reach our peak potential by trying and taking risks and keeping at it.

If you truly want to be happy and successful, stop comparing yourself with others. Blindly chasing other people's definitions of success can never make you happy. Think about your own definition and path of success. Pursue and live your own version.

Strength Acceptance

We can often be as fearful of our strengths as we are of our weaknesses. As Nelson Mandela once said, quoting a passage by Marianne Williamson, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?"

Many of us battle with the truth of who are versus who we can be. Because our dreams seem so far away, we learn to believe that the reason is that we are not good enough. We justify our present mediocre state by admitting our own incompetence.

We deny our strengths because we're afraid that if we acknowledge them, we'd have to think about why we're not using them to become a better person, to build a better life.

People who deny their strengths usually have a low opinion of themselves, can't accept compliments graciously, shy away from opportunities, and lead unfulfilling lives because they're not getting what they truly want.

If you're serious about improving your life, you have to first acknowledge your strengths, become a more confident and self-assured person and push yourself towards your goals.

Every one of us has a unique set of talents. Before you deny this, examine more closely the person that you are. What do you love doing? What comes naturally to you? What are the good things that others say about you that you coyly brush off? You may think these things are insignificant, but each one of them can be built upon to make you a happier, more successful, and more fulfilled person. Millions of people have achieved success simply by doing what they do best and sharing it with the world.

Make a list of these strengths. Embellish them with the achievements you've made, the lessons you've learnt in life, and the knowledge you've gained. Read the list every day and really meditate on them. Think about how you can build on your key strengths to produce better results.

And you know what? Very often, the road to great success and happiness is simply achieving one small goal at a time. Nothing empowers us more than doing what we said we'd do. If let's say your talent is writing, then promise yourself to write one page a day. It's a small objective, but over time, you would have accumulated a hunk of work and improved on your writing in the process.

Connect with your strengths and work towards a better life with confidence!

Reasons For Being Positive

Why be positive? Well, being positive puts you in a state of mind and body for higher productivity, greater success, better health and relationships and more joy.

Just ask yourself? would you enjoy being around a perpetual sourpuss? Most people wouldn't; unless they're grouches themselves. When you're negative, with a sullen and gloomy disposition to boot, you're sending out signals to others to stay away from you. Since you seem to judge almost everything badly, people assume you'll feel the same way about them. But if your demeanour is cheerful and embracing, people naturally resonate with your open and optimistic vibe. Having a positive attitude helps you attract and develop relationships.

The body takes its cues from the mind. What the mind believes to be true, the body seeks to align itself with. That's why in clinical trials, placebos have been shown to be effective for patients who thought they were taking the real medication. This is also the reason for athletes picturing their victory even before the game starts. Even if it's all baloney, you've got nothing to lose if you think positively. On the other hand, if it's true, imagine how much damage you could do to yourself if you have a negative mentality.

When we adopt a positive outlook, we strive to look for the good in every situation. We try to find the lesson, or at least the fun. We learn to laugh at ourselves, and even in the face of adversity. We recover faster and are back on track sooner. And because we tend to see the good in everything, we also experience more joy. That's why positive persons also tend to be happy persons.

You are what you think. That's why after a lousy day, an exhausting ordeal or after receiving bad news, sometimes all it takes for you to feel a whole lot better is a line from a song, a book or magazine, or a remark by a friend; a phrase that sums up what you're feeling but shows it in a wholly different light.

I once heard that even if we didn't achieve any pleasure or joy today, at least we learnt something. Even if we didn't learn anything, at least we didn't get sick. And even if we did get sick, at least we didn't die. Indeed, most of us have a lot to be thankful for. If we can turn our attention away from what we don't have and focus on what we do, we will naturally be positive!

Developing a positive attitude will not be easy for everyone. But if you can become more conscious about when you're turning to the negative, arrest that thought and flip it over to see the positive, you're well on your way to higher productivity and joy, greater success, better health and more rewarding relationships!