As parents, it's natural to feel that we have a duty to instruct our kids, to tell them what they should or shouldn't do. But when we adopt an approach of always commanding our children, they can very often become stubborn or rebellious. Excessive commands can lose their efficacy. Worse still, we're teaching them to always follow orders and never to think for themselves, which can lead to poor self-esteem and inability to make decisions later on in life.
This is not to say however that parents shouldn't guide their children. Just don't keep holding their hand or bringing out the cane. Why not try a different approach?
If you're sick of always playing the discipline master, stop demanding. Try asking your children questions instead. We often underestimate young children's ability to analyse situations and make sensible decisions on their own. So instead of saying "Brush your teeth now!", try asking "What do you need to do before having breakfast?"
Asking children questions gives them the opportunity to think for themselves and come logically to an answer. You can help them along by pointing out the benefits of that particular action, but let them discover the conclusion themselves - "What do you need to do after dinner?", "What do you need to do before we can go out?" Before you head to the zoo, ask "Do you have everything you need?" The child quickly learns responsibility and the value of planning ahead, and is more likely to internalize this kind of behaviour because he feels that he has made the decision himself.
Of course there will be times when only a no-nonsense direct command will do. But there is often another way. And if you use the "questioning", "gently guiding" approach consistently, you'll find that over time, you don't even need to remind your child anymore.
1 comment:
That's a good method. You must be very proud for raising your children using the method you share. How old are they?
I haven't got any and you don't mention any particular age in your sharing, but I suppose that in the beginning (perhaps when they can't talk well yet), we still have to tell them what to do and impose them to the good values, ie. we also brush our teech before breakfast and before bedtime, etc.
I read a true story that children are greatly influenced by their surrounding. As such they will accustom themselves to the behaviour to their surroundings.
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